How do you communicate with your ex?

[enderwoman]

How do you communicate with your ex.

There are a few things that I want to discuss with him regarding the kids. I am angry about these issues but if I let rip I worry that he's not going to listen and respond with anger at being attacked rather than help find a resolution to the issue.

To summarise the problem, he's done some things that is making our daughter anxious. There is no way 11 year old dd would be able to talk to him because her dad's reaction would be to flip out that he's been criticised then realise I'm right. I don't have to see the flip outs or sulks any more but the children are likely to see him quietly seething at future contact and that's awkward and unfair on them.

The issues do not affect her siblings as they weren't having contact with Dad at the time (long story!) but had they been there, I think they would also be experiencing anxiety.

[foolonthehill]

I feel for you. Communication is difficult even between parents who are focussed on doing the right thing. If someone/both is not accomplished in puttng their feelings to one side and focussing on issues then this is hard.

You have another issue in that it sounds like you wish to confront him about some areas of his behaviour.

1. Is there a 3rd party who he respects who could broach the issue in general terms
   
2. would he accept someone sitting in as a mediator and producing a summary of the issues and agreements
   
3. Is he capable of changing the way he interacts with your children?
   
   If the answer to 3 is no then there is no point stirrring the pot...better to concentrate on giving your child(en) the tools they need to stay emotionally safe and .
   
   As for experience...my ex is totally incapable of thinking of anyone except himself...the older children have voted with their feet, the younger ones have to go b ut we support them as best we can.
   
   good luck