AIBU not to want 50-50 contact?

[CharlotteCollinsinherownplace]

I separated from H a few months ago, but only moved out a few weeks ago. We have 4 dcs, aged 3 to 10.

Before the separation, he left all the childcare to me, to the extent that he usually wouldn't even eat with us. He only reliably showed an interest in his dcs if they asked him (eg for an occasionaly bedtime story) or if friends or family were around, in which case he morphed into Disney Dad.

Now it seems that Disney Dad is here to stay. He wants enough contact to keep my maintenance payments low , which is already more than I'm comfortable with - partly maybe that's just me adjusting, having done everything in the past, but partly I'm concerned because he will have no real routine for the dcs because he dislikes routine, and he tends to blame them if things go wrong rather than accept any responsibility. He also has a demanding job (flexible timing so he often stays up very late working) and never used to get up in the mornings with the dcs.

He is used to getting what he wants and ignoring what I want - and I am used to accepting that with minimal fight more recently, tbh. But I don't want the dcs to have so much time with him if that is not in their best interests.

Do I have any right to fight 50-50 contact?

[CharlotteCollinsinherownplace]

Yes, he drops them off to school and picks them up from school - he works from home and it's fairly flexible, so I presume he brings them home, works till teatime, feeds them, puts them to bed then works again till the small hours.

[RandomMess]

I would just be a broken record "I'm happy for you to have 50:50 but it has to be a routine, I am not prepared to have things changed every few weeks for work commitments - I have plans too so I cannot accommodate it" say that once and then onto "no, that won't work for me" so he could in theory have EOW every Sunday and every Wednesday night but he'll have to commit to that every week so you can go out/go to evening class/work etc.

After all you will at some point have to get a job so you need fixed arrangements that you can rely on. I actually used to enjoy working evenings in a pub I suppose it was just adult company and kept busy.

[CharlotteCollinsinherownplace]

Such clear, helpful thinking - thank you, Random.

[RandomMess]

Sooooooooooo much easier when you're an outsider with no emotional involvement!

I can't see any court agreeing to weekly changing contact whilst simultaneously demanding 50:50, the children need to know what is going on. If he worked shifts it would still be a routine in that he would have them on his three days/nights off and then back to you. Which is not the same as random midweek overnights that suit his schedule.

He of course can go down the childcare route - like all the other working lone parents have to do...