Single parent successes!

[Piemother]

I have just parked outside my house in a space so small I had to stop myself taking a photo as evidence. When I was married I couldn't park for toffee. Mostly because exh did it for me. Now I can reverse park like a boss!

What can you do as a lp that you thought you couldn't?

[PignutSalamander]

Google it of course! Didn't even occur to me.

I would like to add to my list

• allowing pfb to go out for afternoon with ex inlaws
  
• finally keeping my house tidy enough that ex inlaws ( or anyone ) can come round with out mad panic clean up

[mumandboys123]

pignut - hilarious! I am so grateful. I'm feeling embaressed I didn't even think of googling it as I do with so many other things when I have no idea what to do. I'll report back when I've sorted it - there is an issue of how I'm going to reach the two that are over the bath - not sure my arms are long enough, even with the appropriate tools!

[Piemother]

Hurrah pignut. Identify with the confidence leech

[PignutSalamander]

Well in truth it quite embarrassing but I've been through the labour ward and no longer have any dignity! After 18 mo of covering my kitchen in broken glass while shredding the bulbs to pieces. I moved house and found one in the back of the drawer!

[mumandboys123]

pignut - how did you know! thank you! I shall order one of those sucking things now and hopefully we'll be peeing with the lights on in a few days! woo hoo! will also look at the halogen/LED thing as no point in spending more than I have to. thank you!

[PignutSalamander]

Mumandboys are the lights by any chance the flat set halogen bulbs? If so you can buy a special sucker to turn them. I discovered this after 18 mo of shredding the bulb with pliers

bulb suckers

Also the halogen bulbs cost 12.5p an hour each to run so its worth switching to led. If you search amazon you can find a whole bunch ranging from £10 (the price in shops) to 90 p. the led bulbs use so little electric you can run ten and not notice!

In response to the thread title I have
-winkled the confidence life sucking leech out of my life
-moved house

• celebrated my first Christmas as mum
  
• helped my daughter find her feet and start to walk
  
• got in touch with friends he had pushed away
  
• got control of my body back and stopped over eating
  
• created a baby safe home that she can be free range in with a dream come true bedroom
  
• found the deep dark place where I had buried my smile, got it out, shook it off and started showing it off again

[Piemother]

I'm getting on well with workmen actually (had 3 in the last2 days in the house). Ex used to insist on boring them senseless and getting in their way god it was painful. If they are that way inclined I leave them in piece but if they are chatty their favourite topics are their kids and parenting its been quite informative having things installed/mended.

[marryinhaste]

Another one with a driving success. When I was with stbxh I didn't drive - I had been living in London for 10 years before so had got out of practice. So, stbxh drove everywhere. He used to stop the car and threaten to walk out if we were arguing as he knew it put him in a position of power as I would panic about having to drive with the kids in the back. He did it on the M25 once

Split with him in September and since then have bought a new car (with help from my lovely parents) and drove from London to Scotland with the kids for Christmas (550 miles!). I also use the car every day on the horrible roads around here - am very proud of myself!

[mumandboys123]

finding my own workmen, discussing the finer details of 'pointing' the house with the builder and understanding what was about to happen and why (thanks to internet, knew what I was vaguely expecting!); regularly unblocking the back drain (think it probably needs doing professionally but until it refuses to unblock totally, I'll keep on doing it!); dealing with the car including finding my own, very reliable and very reasonable mechanic, topping up screen wash, checking oil levels, pumping up tyres; driving all over the place and parking (although still don't like that!)...now if one of you lovely ladies could tell me how to remove the light bulbs in the bathroom, we would no longer have to pee in the dark (moved in 3 years ago, 5 lights which have blown one by one, the last one a couple of weeks ago)! I just can't get them out and I am loathe to pay someone to change my lightbulbs!

[citronella]

The driving thing is big with me too.
Even though I had passed my test ex-DH always drove (my company cars and then cars that were mine in name). Because they were fancy he made me feel that the risk was too big for me to crash it. For a while we had a v old Micra alongside which for about 6 weeks I grew confident to drive then he said we had to sell it. So now:
-I have bought a car (negotiated and all)
-drive everyday
-Have not been overdrawn since we split 4.5 years ago (we were always -massively o'drawn when he looked after the finances) even on v. tight budget
-keep garden tidy (mowing grass)
-go in the loft
-travelled long haul on my own with 2 dc when they were smaller
Generally though it is just a feeling of freedom.

[blossomhillontapplease]

daisypops i think thats the best success. knowing that you're completely responsible for bringing up amazing dc's without the help of the other half

[Daisypops]

Changed the element in my oven
Changed the fuse in my extractor fan
Bled radiators and sorted out the pressure from the boiler
Grouted by bathroom tiles
Put a blind up in the bedroom
Been on lovely little holidays
And done a brilliant job of raising my two amazing girls :))))

[MissPricklePants]

Ok I have been a LP since 09 and since then I have....
-moved house
-took dd on a couple of UK trips
-got a job
-squished spiders
-raising dd totally alone as ex is not hands on
-made new friends
-started voluntary work to improve job prospects
-manage finances
-put up flatpack furniture

• become comfortable in my own skin
  

We are all brilliant and doing a fab job!! Being an LP is awesome!!!

[Piemother]

Amazing new posts welcome! Big hugs and high fives too.

Aside from all the EA shite I had to get over and recognise, no longer having the luxury of being complacent has (I hope) been the making if me as a competent, responsible adult let alone a parent.

I've definitely realised ex wasn't as good with money as either he made out or I wanted to believe. Even with the financial abuse he's inflicting now I have no need to panic about paying bills/rent etc. I have to be creative with money for other stuff but I know what's what with our money and short of being made redundant (that is really my only fear) I can provide for my dc more or less the life I want to give them.

Another big one is getting through life and everywhere on time without it being massively stressful. It should be easier with two adults not harder! It wasn't. It took a while for me to organise myself but we are all over it now

[YourHandInMyHand]

These are fab!

Things I'm proud I've done since becoming single:

• toilet trained my DS who has autism
  
• battled with the LEA to get him statemented so he is supported in school
  
• taken him abroad on my own to Disneyland Paris, and Tunisia in Africa
  
• decorated a full house top to bottom
  
• built lots of furniture
  
• moved house twice
  
• rewired wall sockets and wired up ceiling light thingies
  

When I look back on how depressed and anxious I was living with ex, and how much more laid back and confident I am now it shows I made the right choice.

[PostBellumBugsy]

Flipping fantastic - all of us! Salutes Piemother for starting the thread & her awesome parking.

I've learnt how to deal with spiders - almost my biggest achievement as I am bloody terrified of the buggers

Gone on lots of holidays just me & the DCs

Somehow managed to work full time & be a parent

Moved house

Changed some kind of pump thing in the car - don't know the name of it, but managed to change it

Gone to parent events all by myself - again another huge achievement for me, as I hate that kind of thing & it is hard walking in by yourself.

[BarbJohnson5]

Hi all,
First time posting, but i had to say how much i love this thread! Its empowering and uplifting to read these stories. I think as a single mum of 5 i've had to practically do most things myself, even when i was married. Makes you think,why the hell did i even bother with a man? I think the most liberating thing i've done was to go back to africa and take my 3 children back home whilst being heavily pregnant. I don't know where the strength came from, but it was a life and death need to have my children safely with me or i couldn't exist. Thank God for the strength, cuz many a times i was exhausted, tired and terrified. I've always been pretty organised and can manage finances well, so that was easy to get things set up. I'm now working on getting a business up and running, so that i can get off benefits and become independent and financially stable by the end of this year. 'The possibilities are endless' we just have to know and believe we can do it and just go for it!

[aurorastargazer]

i don't think mine do - i think it's radiator key job thanks tho

[fuzzywuzzy]

My radiators weren't properly heating up, so I had to bleed them (inevitably the radiator keys were one of the things twatface left with).

My radiators on the side that you bleed them fit a flat head screw driver, so I can bleed the radiator like that, or you can use a wrench.

Just remember when you tighten the valve, don't over tighten.

It's very straightforward.

[aurorastargazer]

fuzzy - how do you bleed radiators without a key? never thought about doing that!

[fuzzywuzzy]

With the help of MN I managed I get an overflowing drain fixed.

I can replace light bulbs & tube lights

Am getting a driving license soon ex wouldn't allow me to learn.

Can bleed radiators without a radiator key

[aurorastargazer]

ps have also plumbed in a washer, flew up to scotland for my sister's wedding with dd - my cousin, who is married with 2.4 kids, said i must've been so brave doing that by myself - i just looked at her

[aurorastargazer]

this is a brilliant thread

clip, clop anyone???

i put up a toilet roll holder the other day, i was inordinately pleased with myself

[comingintomyown]

Actually I didnt get Hilarys post but sensed it was nasty

Well I love those little moments when I do something like fiddle around with the hoover and sort it out. Conversely when something goes wrong its the only time I "miss" xh .

I have
unblocked the toilet
changed a fuse in a plug
mown the lawn
driven to Cornwall
become competent on the PC

Also just had Christmas alone with DC and was worried they would be bored but we had a lovely couple of days

[Foxy800]

Well done everyone and thank you piemother, have been driving for years but as I say motorways have always had another adult in the car cause of my confidence!!!Yesterday did feel good. Think it helped as it was a weekend though as one of the motorways was the m25 which as im sure you probably know is a nightmare during the week!!!Lol