what does everyone do about parents evening?

[workshy]

my ex when we were together never attended a parents evening but since we split it's the most important thing in the world

last year was the first since we split and at the time we had a fairly amicable relationship

this year we can't even look at each other!!!

I've asked him if he would like to come or is he happy for me to relay the info, and he has come back with he will go and relay the info to me

there is no way I'm not going to parents evening so how would you guys handle this situation?

[tabulahrasa]

Make your appointment and tell him he can either make his own or you'll tell him what was said at yours

[mrscolour]

We had separate appointments this time. I felt really guilty about it as dd is in a class of 30 but there was no way we could sit together and no way I was going to miss parents evening so he could go as it's me who always hears her read and helps her with her homework. Have a word with the teacher and explain the situation they should be understanding.

[TastyMuffins]

I don't bother mentioning it to ex. He has sporadic contact and can be out of touch with us for months without even a call or text. He has never made any enquiries as to how DS is doing at school. Once I gave him a list of term dates etc but he never used it to make time available to DS. A little stuck this time round as Ex now lives with another parent who will make the effort and go but I am away on business and not going on that day.

[timetoask]

Separate appointments?!?
This is your about your child, leave your personal problems out of the building put your child first and go together. Grow up.
It's no wonder children of separated couples so often end up so resentful.

[ChocHobNob]

Make your own appointment and go ... and leave it to him to sort himself out, ie. contacting the school for his own appointment.

[Bugsy2]

Definitely separate appointments if you can't speak to each other!

[Bislev]

I don't ask him, I just arrange to go on my own. But then I am the one that deals with all the reading, spellings, homework etc. I doubt it even comes close to his radar.

[froggies]

It is soon to be my first parents evening since split too. We both get copies of school letters, so when the letter came home, I made an appointment as I am the one who helps with homework and does drop off pick ups too. He hasn't asked me about it, so I am going along the line of if he wishes to see them, he will sort it himself. In the past he never went to any school stuff if he could get away with it, but suspect he may make the effort just now.
I think it is better for us to have 2 separate appointments, even if DD has to go to both, rather than have her and the poor teacher (and frankly me) suffer through a joint appointment.

[ladydeedy]

my DSS's school will not allow separate appointments. It's one or nothing. DH and ex are not on speaking terms. DSS lives with us. It's actually me that does most of the homework supervision and support so I (as stepparent) also feel I should be there. Especially as he is studying languages which is my background and I am giving him some extra coaching at home. This year exw wanted to come along (she has not seen DSS for several months at her request) so the three of us sat in front of the teachers, DH and I asking questions, exw staring daggers at both of us and would not even say hello when we all arrived at school. Awkward for teachers, interesting/amusing for us.

[whiteandnerdy]

Question, if parents aren't on speaking terms how does information such as parents evenings and issues to do with the child get communicated between parents. Or would it be OK not to inform the other parent of such school meetings and if their not informed by the school or their children then it's 'just their fault for not taking enough interest.'

[froggies]

Initially I asked for double copies of school letters, and sent a copy with DD's on contact days. Snce then the school has adopted an email contact system, and we are both signed up for it. Any other info that is necessary (DD1 recently had grommits fitted, so i have had a few hops appointments with her) or general stuff that is effecting them... Fall out with friends etc. I email him about. Then I have a record that I have told him so he can't use the 'I didn't know you don't tell me' line, and I can put things in a way that is as unlikely as possible to cause offense to him. So far, it is working. If he chooses not to go to school stuff, then it is his choice.

[Bislev]

Xh gets the same communications as I do from school - he could very easily ask to come along - which wouldn't be a problem, or offer to be the one to take time off work to go . Dd recently spent a week with him and when she returned, all the letters from the school in her bookbag were untouched as was her homework, which to me indicates his level of interest. If he wants to ask me how she is getting on I'm more than happy to tell him, the onus is on him to make the effort.

[TheOriginalNutcracker]

I don't allow xp to go as he cannot be trusted to not say something completely out of order and embarrass me and the dc.

[ninja]

my ex when we were together never attended a parents evening but since we split it's the most important thing in the world

Sounds oh so familiar!

[TheOriginalNutcracker]

My parents are divorced, and I had to get two lots of appointments each time. I hated it.

[gillybean2]

You can ask for separate appointments and the school has to accomodate this. Some parents evening at secondary school where you see all teh subject teachers can cause problems, however the form tutor/dead of year can get the relevant details from the members of staff and see the other parents with all the details for example. Ask the school what their policy is and how they accomodate both parents if required.

Ladydeedy why won't your school allow separate appointments? What grounds do they give? Is it a private school?

whiteandnerdy it is the responsibility of the parent to give the necessary information so they can be informed of information regarding their child. School tend to send the information home with the child, or to the contact/home address they are given. In most cases the information is then available to both parents. However where parents are separated the NRP can request copies of all information be provided to them and give the necessary contact information to enable this to happen. The school are required to provide it to a NRP when it is requested and their entitlement to the information is established (parental responsibility or court order). In most cases they will contact the RP to be certain there is no court order or other reason that the information shouldn't be given. Not wanting it to be is not a good enough reason for it to be withheld.

[piellabakewell]

As a primary teacher, I can and do facilitate separate appointments for separated parents. Not all separated parents request this. I'm also doing an appointment on another evening as a parent with a medical condition does not want to be seen in public at present, so we're waiting til most people have gone.

[Bandwithering]

I'd have to do separate appointments too.

And as for being told to 'grow up, it's about your child', although I know you weren't actually speaking to me there, I resent that trite piece of advice. My x tried to strangle me. He abused me for years. It is absolutely vital for my self-esteem that I never, ever be in the same room as him again. That is for the children's benefit. They would not benefit in any way from me being in his company for an hour when they're not even there, him making snide remarks about my appearance, my lack of career, my address.......

People shouldn't say such things really. They just don't understand.

[Lucy88]

We go together to DS's parents evening. I arrange a time that suits me and tell Ex-H what time we are going. If he doesn't like it, he can make his own appt. I ask al the questions and talk to the teacher while EX-H sits there and listens.
It works fine for us. ;-)

[Dee03]

I make the appt and when I used to tell xp ( I no longer bother) the date and time he never ever came with me and never even asked what was said!! Says it all really

[blackeyedsusan]

dd's dad is working away at the moment in a new job, so left it to me this time. we are amicable at the moment, though the first parents evening was rather strained. we are apart because of his violence. he has expressed an interest in seeing the teacher next time. whether we go together depends on how he is then. i would not fancy looking at dds work in the classroom alone with him if i thought he was at risk of kicking off.

[TheFallenMadonna]

Do separate appointments and don't worry about it. Do not bad mouth the other parent to the teacher (I'm sure you won't, but every parents' evening I get at least one parent who does, perhaps bandwithering's DH for example )

Really - it is very common. Separate appointments!

[TheFallenMadonna]

That should of course be ex H. Sorry!!