Any success stories of expats moving back home to UK due to severe homesickness?

[BeautifulThief99]

Just following on from last years thread about moving back to the UK due to homesickness. Are any of you who mentioned you were moving back last year, pleased you moved back?

I moved to Aus with work 11 years ago with no intention to stay really - it was just an adventure at the time to see where it took me. I certainly didn't give any consideration about the longreaching effects it would have on me all these years later. I met my husband over here and now we have a baby girl. I was young when I moved and had no idea that missing my family, the UK and all that it offers would take such a stronghold over me. I am extremely homesick, and just want to go home and have done every day for the last 6 years. The longer I am here, the worse I feel. I feel like I am just existing day by day and am longing to be around what I know and feel comfortable around again. But it is so hard as my husband is a true blue Aussie who will find it hard to leave his beloved country. I don't want start whinging about what Australia does and doesn't offer, because ultimately it's a different culture after all. I just want to be around where my heart is, which is England.

I am working on my husband, but would love to hear some success stories of moving back home, particularly from couples who are from different countries. It is so hard, and makes me regret coming here in the first place.

Also any advice on the visa change for spouses would be appreciated. I am determined to get back.

[Iris1789]

Hi beautiful, I am also in Australia having moved here a year ago because my husband was very homesick. Now I'm very homesick! He's also been unemployed since we arrived which has made the situation a lot worse, and he has agreed to return to the UK if he hasn't found a job by the end of the year (not sure whether he will or not...) Even though I'm homesick I'm very apprehensive at going back - we may be in the same position there and DH really, really does not want to return so I'm not sure he will make much effort in terms of job hunting etc.
do you think you can persuade your husband to return?

[BeautifulThief99]

Hi Iris. Sounds like you are in a similar situation to me. It is so hard with an intercountry marriage. No right or wrong, and no easy answer that's for sure. Homesickness is such a truly overwhelming feeling and one that just doesn't easily go away. I just know I am living the wrong life.

I am working on my husband and we did finally agree to go in about 5 years time, but I just cannot wait that long. I feel sick to the stomach of having to stay. But of course our hands are tied with this ridiculously unfair new ruling that came in in 2012 which would mean I would have to leave with my daughter, get a job earning over GBP18500 a year and then DH can apply from Australia. And who would look after my daughter whilst I am working exactly?? It means splitting up our family and all that upheaval with no guarantees of him even getting his visa. Apparently it is very hard. This is so unfair, so the law has gone to the High Court as we speak and all visa applications are currently on hold. Read : www.ein.org.uk/news/new-report-minimum-income-requirement-partner-visas-court-hears-home-office-appeal. It means that basically we are not welcome back in our own country if we have a non UK partner.

Does your husband have a visa or UK Passport Iris?

[Iris1789]

God that is really hard. Is it possible to find a role from here? I know my husband was insistent that he needed to be in the country to find a job, which is why we 're stuck in the situation we are. I hope the appeal succeeds.
My husband has a UK passport (he was born in the UK but moved out when he was about 4....) I have an Australian passport as my mother is Australian. So he can move over, the problem is he really doesn't want to, so much so that I think he'd rather stay here indefinitely unemployed rather than look elsewhere.
I have decided to plan a visit back to the UK with the children and without DH to give myself something to look forward to and to get away from him for a while, and this has made me feel much better.
Sorry, this doesn't really address your question, just wanted to send empathy!

[BeautifulThief99]

Thanks for your support. It is just good to chat about it. I have just come back from a trip back home which is why I am feeling so damn fed up with it all. Look hopefully they will look at changing the law as from what I understand there have been full on protests about it. It is screwed and does not take into account that maybe just maybe my Aussie husband can earn more than enough money to support our little family.

Will keep you posted. I hope you have a good trip home when you go! It was amazing to be back again - warts and all.

[BeautifulThief99]

...and sorry, yes he can apply for a job from here, but who is going to take him seriously without a visa. Like you said with your hubbie, unless their heart is in it, they won't try too hard too look either.

[Kakaka]

OP- is your DH entitled to any other EU country residence? I agree the rules are horrible atm. I hope the campaign works.

[BeautifulThief99]

I am not sure on that Kakaka, but will look into. I guess the point is that with so much effort and heartache in both sides, it us such a big risk going back ( if and when it is possible). If only on our our relationship. Would love to hear from anyone who is in the same boat or anybody who has gone back to the UK with no regrets. There must be some out there!

[DishesSkivvy]

I'm keen to hear success stories too. My family are all in UK and I'm married to a "Saffa". I'm dreadfully homesick even though, bizarrely, I've lived in SA for more of my life than anywhere else. I just don't feel like I belong here and DH doesn't really get that.
He's just had an amazing career opportunity, so we'd be daft to leave until he's got a bit more experience under his belt and then there is the infuriating visa issue which really means we'd be separated for up to a year. If we leave it will make me happy, if we leave it will make him unhappy. Is the grass really greener on the other side? I don't know. I feel stuck

[Kakaka]

It is very hard Beautiful. I hope you come up with a solution that is okay.

I moved overseas with DH and luckily we are both agreed here is where we want to be right now. We also had our DD here, without much thought to visa issues etc but I now realise this can be a huge headache.

I'm pretty cross about the new UK laws, even though they don't affect us directly. They seem to have such a disproportionate impact on families for the actual costs involved. Most migrants are quite skilled and hard working so unlikely to be a drain on the UK economy for long.

[SwiftRelease]

Back and it's a mixed bag. One dc delighted, other "homesick". Am little disaapointed that adventure over snd few open arms welcoming us back! Trying not to be an ex-expat bore but hard NOT to talk snout life these psst few years at all, uet if you do people seem bored or think youre showing off : ( Far more insular yhan i'd remembered and the pettiness of village life, sch cliques combined with british standoffishness shock me after breezy warmth of where we were.

But, it's safe, its beauitful, sch/health is free and so much better and i can work, so not all bad. Definite reverse culture shock going on though.

[chloeb2002]

It's hard I think when you have decided you don't want to be somewhere.
Even harder when you have I guess signed up to life there, married, had a child.
I went back to the UK after 5 years in aus. Sorry to say I hated it! The first few weeks of holiday excitement followed by fast seeing what I had traded for. A country whee cost of living us just as high, just on different things. That schools are free but even the ones I remembered as being so good .. We're not any more. An nhs in meltdown. People small minded, busy bodies, judgemental, unhelpful.
Job market shockingly bad.
And that was before the gfc.
So no very happy to come back to aus, is shortfalls and all! No where is perfect. Promises of babysitting on tap, friends popping out for drinks every Friday .. All a promise. A sign of a life gone by... Not what happens week in week out. For me at any rate. There are people who have gone back, hated aus are happy now too. But not me. Happiest now we have our dream home, land, kids in a great school, family who visit (most of them) .. Life is good x

[giggly]

Beautiful and Iris I really feel for you both with your difficult situations no real advice I'm afraid. We are in Perth 2 years and will be heading back to the UK later this year as I need to be near my family, actually I feel heartbroken that I am away from my lovely dad and DC missing out on extended family life.

Luckily for me DH has agreed although he would prefer to stay for another few years but I would be miserable dd delighted to move back.

Have given a lot of though to the possibility of ping ponging but we will just live with our decision.

I am envious of people like Chloeb who have settled well and happy as if I had some family here I would stay.

[SavoyCabbage]

I am in the visa trap too. My dh applied for a returning residents visa and he was rejected as he has "no significant ties to the uk".

He has lived there half his life, has a British wife and two British children and we have a house there.

We have been here for five and a half years and although I have built us a life here, it has been an effort and I can't WAIT to go home.

It's all about people for me. I want to be with the people I want to be with and I want to belong.

For the visa, you can look at your dh's heritage and see if he has any European grandparents and he can get a passport that way. It's horrible to think that you can be married to someone and that's not good enough but have a grandparent from Holland and you are in.

The other way is the Surrinder Singh 'loophole' where you can live in another European country for three months and then you can get it.

One of my friends here got in to the UK as she is French and was therefore allowed to take her Australian dh and two dc to England where they now live happily in Richmond with their dds in an outstanding state school.

[SavoyCabbage]

britcits is great for visa information.

[BeautifulThief99]

Hi SavoyCabbage. I know exactly how you feel. It is so frustrating that it is so hard to get home. I have just been forwarded this petition for the Govt to do something about these unfair requirements that leave us all trapped. Please sign and forward this on to everyone you know. It has only just been released so they need numbers to support the High Court case. epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/65859. Let's get this sorted out.

[echt]

Thank you for the link, BeautifulThief. The implications of this law for my DD are very perturbing, though she is, at the moment, miles away from it.

Thumbs up and waves to Savoy

[Trazzletoes]

Your husband can travel with you, you don't have to come and find a job first. But you have to have been earning equivalent money in Australia.

There's an outstanding appeal that the financial requirement is too high but at the moment it's still in place.

[Trazzletoes]

The rules on Surinder Singh have just been tightened. You have to show integration in to the EU country. If you go for exactly 3 months and work as, say, a cleaner, it is highly unlikely to work.