Would you move back to the UK?

[PetiteRaleuse]

I've been living in France for almost all my adult life, have two children (toddlers) here and a French husband. My husband wants to leave France, which is something I have never really considered. One of the places on his list is the UK, probably Scotland (I grew up in England).

I was a little at first but am now starting to come round to the idea as a sort of medium term goal ie within 3-5 years. I've done my living abroad thing, and I get his desire to live abroad, and the UK would be abroad for him.

Would you move or have you moved back home? If not why not? If so why? Something is bugging me about the idea and I can't put my finger on it other than I feel at home here in France.

[nooka]

I don't think we will move back to the UK even in the longer term, although who knows. We have thought about moving somewhere else though, for another adventure. We are coming up to six years away and when we visit the UK it just doesn't feel like home anymore.

[PetiteRaleuse]

I'd forgotten about the litter and the depressing town centres.

[scottswede]

Funny Fluffyhen my kids call the UK home too. My youngest has been here longer than the UK, probably doesn't remember much but still calls it home.
Kids say things like "When we move back, we can....." Like it's a given that this is temporary.

[butterfliesinmytummy]

Thinking about the kids, my 5 yo has never lived in the UK and my 9 yo left when she was 3. None of us calls the UK home and we've always told them that home is wherever you make it. We've bought a house in the US, green card applications are underway and I expect that we'll be here til the dcs leave home and decide what they would like to do next, and until we retire (probably to France if they can change their tax laws). Dh's career is here and all the opportunities further up the ladder are too.

[PetiteRaleuse]

But should I move back to the UK? Or plan for it? DH is chucking a huge dilemma at me.

[butterfliesinmytummy]

Do you want to? What does your gut say? And what are the reasons? And your husband's? Make lists (I know lots of people who have decided to stay or go based on lists!). Research a new life in the UK. Where would you live? You have toddlers which is handy in terms of moving. My second move was done on a whim, a one way ticket and a sabbatical from work (that was 1999, I think they've got the message now!). Could you do a few months to see without cutting ties to France? What about work?

[PlainBrownEnvelope]

I think we probably will move back at some stage, but it's not the default option it was. We left London in 2008 thinking we'd go to Dubai for 3 years, save cash, then move back and start a family, but things moved on, we left Dubai after a year, moved to HK, and have been her nearly 5 years. Both our children were born here. We're both working. This is home now. I've got a real affection for it (embarrassed to say I dreamt that we were leaving the other night and woke up almost crying).

I think it's a hard thing to accept that your birth country isn't the one best suited to you (feels like a betrayal of sorts) but at the moment I'm pretty wedded to HK, despite its petty irritations.

Why does your DH want to leave France, out of interest? heart or head?

[PetiteRaleuse]

He's never lived anywhere but France, and loves our trips back to the UK. We're approaching a crossroads careerwise in the next few years and looking at options.

Lists is a good idea. I like lists.

[aliciaflorrick]

I'm coming round to the idea that I would like to move back to the UK. I live in France now with two DCs, the French house was ex H's dream, but he never moved over here staying in the UK and commuting on a weekend, he then met OW and buggered off.

I was very happy in Essex when I lived in the UK, although originally from the North East myself, if I move back to the Herts/Essex border I've got a back-up of good friends, I could probably go back to working in London which I loved and it's a nice area for my DCs to grow up in and they already have a good group of friends there. The dilemma is they're really happy here and don't want to leave, and although I'm working it's three self-employed jobs and I'm completely shattered. My house has just flooded really badly and my dad suggests taking the insurance money for the repairs and using it to fund the move back to the UK - I have to say I'm sorely tempted.

...but then of course Brittany in the summer is just gorgeous.

[Cerisier]

I left the UK ten years ago for Asia and have no desire to go back. I really can't face the weather, the grim public services, the litter, graffiti, boarded up town centres or the high tax in the UK.

[AdoraBell]

Only reason I would move back to the UK is because our DDs would have no rights to speak of as foreign women in South America. DH has semi elderly parents in the UK who are pressuring him to return, but this is home for us.

OP you say your DH enjoys trips, has he spent any amount of time using public transport, dealing with schools, getting car taxed and MOT'd, cutting the grass, finding a plumber, going to the DR., shopping in DIY stores, all the mundane things people don't think of, in English?

[rushingrachel]

We have recently been considering a move back from Belgium. I would love to go notwithstanding I know the grass is not particularly greener. DH not keen. But we may do it. The big issue we have found is school places, which you might have with your timing if you want to return when kids are already school age. The good schools are almost all full. We were looking for a Yr 1 place and it was almost impossible. And the after school care is uselessly badly organised compared to here in Belgium. Here schools just seem to have garderie. There are stages even to cover bank holidays. When we visited state schools and said both of us would be working and what did working parents do many of the head teachers shrugged and said "yes, well, it is difficult". We also considered independent but the good independents were full too. A proper nightmare.

[PetiteRaleuse]

No, it's purely been holidays so no mundane crap really.

[SleepPleaseSleep]

Oddly, we are playing with this idea at the moment - have been abroad in belgium for two years and a bit. It is dh who wants to move back, citing problems finding English language work near where we can afford to live. I am currently a sahm and worried about finding work too, but I suspect dh of basically wanting to go sit in an English pub and bugger everything else.

The places we can afford to live in the uk would most likely be what we left- city centres, polluted, poisoned and stinky, filled with 9 yr olds swearing at us without provocation and teenies threatening worse. Occasionally having fights outside going on our door, or even getting attacked ourselves. Crap schools once they get to secondary age, crap education and crap from the other kids. No doubt sexual harassment for my girl as a teen every time she leaves the house, that's what I got.

That"'s what the uk is like for ordinary people who can't afford to live in nice areas. Joy.

[SleepPleaseSleep]

Think I've just talked myself out of it.

[AmIDoingThisRight]

Properly tormented by this at the moment. Despite the obvious positives about being closer to family and not having to worry about the language, DCs are in a fantastic school which they adore, and DH loves his job and is much harder to find its equivalent in the part of the UK we'd want to go back to. I love that they are becoming bilingual with no apparent effort (6 and 3) and know that would be lost if we went back.

Though if we stay, it would be for the long term so they could finish school here and the thought of that makes me feel a little weepy. This has caused so much stress at the moment you wouldn't believe - making this one decision is actually the hardest one I've ever had to make. Nice to know I'm not alone!

[DolomitesDonkey]

Just been back in the UK this week and yesterday had a "moment" at Leigh Delaware service station of all places when I realised I finally felt "home".

Drove back through France and Belgium this afternoon - the last time ever for these countries.

We too are "normal" earners - there are places of paradise out there - you just need to get the south-east well and truly out of your head and read up on the "fisherman's fable".

Fwiw the schools we're looking at have fewer than 30 pupils.

[PetiteRaleuse]

I wouldn't want to move to the south east. It's my least favourite part of the UK. I love London but wouldn't want to live there again.

[rushingrachel]

I was not looking at the South East either. I went about it in the a) get job; then b) plan the move order. And it quickly became obvious having found a job where they wanted to fix a start date that I should have found a school place then looked at jobs. I rang 15 schools for a Year 1 place. Only 5 were really on my list to start and all 5 were full. Of the remaining 10, 3 had places. 1 was nice but middle of nowhere and no after school care. 2 was big and okay but was nowhere near proposed house (15 miles away) 3 was horrible in every way. We are still waiting on the Catholic school.

I don't think the UK is all bad or all good. Personally I would like to go back to the UK to face the good and the bad (lived in 4 countries now and there is the good and the bad everywhere). But just offering my little experience to OP that if you will have KS1 children at the time of a potential move, do consider the school places issue before you choose where to live.

[PetiteRaleuse]

Yes, school would be an issue. The schools in my village here are great. But we don't want to stay in this area anymore. And since we want to leave DH has got his heart set on the UK.

[Saracarbonera]

My DH is from the UK and before we got married we lived there for a few years but I couldn't imagine going back now. Our home is here now. The weather is better, the DCs are at school, we have work etc. also I think it would be too expensive to move back there now.

[Bonsoir]

No. Right now I should hate to move back to the UK. I go through phases but I am in a good place with masses of friends and DC settled at school. I am extremely pleased with DD's education at the moment and don't want to disrupt it.

[PetiteRaleuse]

Bonsoir moving back to Paris is another option. I think I would almost prefer it to going back to the UK. I know Paris better now iyswim, and am so used to how things are done in France.

[Bonsoir]

Why not? And you could get cheap bilingual education in Paris which is, in my opinion, a massive bonus.