Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Original poster

Anyone NOT in NZ, Oz or Europe???

173 replies

Salbertina · 01/09/2013 19:29

Just saying... Feels a little lonely, thats all!

OP posts:
lollylaughs · 04/09/2013 08:48

Another South African checking in....

Yes where are you Cosmos coz im still in double layers Hmm.. not impressed 4th day into Spring.... Surely not CT as its freezing there atm.

Mixxy · 04/09/2013 08:50

Wow, a "helper" sounds depressing. Essential for working parents, but guilt a-plenty. Would make me feel super uncomfortable.

You'd pay at least $2k a month for that on the cheap end here.

Original poster
Salbertina · 04/09/2013 08:59

When i was there used to wonder at whole families living in 2bed apartments with live-in helper. Until i found out they typically sleep on the kitchen floor Shock v tough life! Maybe its improved but when i was there, Sunday was often their only day off. Even in Africa it's a 5 day week and if living in, they get their own room and probably bathroom too. Problem is skyhigh HK property prices and an economy which would cease to function without their labour )if only they knew their power!) Here there's a similar reliance but property much more affordable so employers can at least offer better accom.

OP posts:
bubbleandbubble · 04/09/2013 09:09

That's the thing Salbertina, I'm so aware of making sure she's happy and comfortable, but I don't want to be taken for a ride. And even though my kids don't start school for another week, I'm finding that I have to think of jobs for her to do that I would never do myself. She's a lot more efficient than I am so everything gets done so quickly! It just seems as though here in HK it's very much the 'done thing' and so here I am, with a helper. I guess it makes a decision for me to go back to work lots easier though. Either that or I have to take up a serious amount of tennis!

Mixxy · 04/09/2013 09:16

I'd rather have the massive financial burden of a child minder than the guilt of a "helper". How do you guys do it?

lollylaughs · 04/09/2013 09:18

Peri, where have you moved to? DO you mind if I ask why you decided to relocate, is it for work?

Welcome Grin.

Original poster
Salbertina · 04/09/2013 09:24

Mixxy- how we deal with it- we don't have live in, pay way over normal rate. No such thing here as childminders or a cleaner who does 2 hours or so and goes. They want and need a full day's work however little needs doing!

OP posts:
bubbleandbubble · 04/09/2013 09:27

Mixxy I think for me it's only been a few days, so we are all still very much getting used to it all. And as all my 3 DCs will be at school soon, I don't need her for child care. Having said that, our last 3 years in Sydney we had no help of any kind, with a husband who worked till at least 9pm if not 11pm most nights, and so I was exhausted. It will also be nice not to have to drag everyone with me everywhere all of the time, and probably better for the kids too. We are also lucky that our helper speaks fab English, so she can actually help the kids with homework etc, so in theory it should actually give me lots more time to spend with them. Will let you know if it works in practice!

lollylaughs · 04/09/2013 09:34

Mixxy, typed a long reply and lost it... Hmm. So in a nutshell, I have created a job for a family who need it. There is no benefits system for us like in Europe/UK and the government grant given to families under a certain threshold is far from enough to feed a child. I have no guilt in having a domestic helper whatsoever. I pay her over the going rate and I help her as much as she helps me. If I didn't work fulltime I wouldn't have her as often. I don't sit on the sofa painting my nails while she works Grin.

PeriPathetic · 04/09/2013 09:39

Lolly, I'm in Pretoria. Moved for DHs work. Loving it so far! But can see it being a bit lonely and not sure how to find people. Early days though.

Original poster
Salbertina · 04/09/2013 09:53

Yes, am with Lolly on that. Hard to understand thro Uk lens but employing worker helps whole family when they have no other support. I don't often do my nails either !

OP posts:
lollylaughs · 04/09/2013 10:11

Peri, great to hear. Are your dc in school yet? That is a sure fire way to meet people. It will not be long before you have an abundance of friends. We have a very social way of life, it wont be long before you are invited to your first proper braai Wink.

SAlbertina, Grin

Mixxy · 04/09/2013 11:05

I reject the "creating" a job theory line of shite, but see mutual benifit elsewhere.

I pay $35 an hour.

We are all very far from home.

Original poster
Salbertina · 04/09/2013 11:22

Line of shite?! Shock
Come see for yourself, this is a developing country- judge only if you actually understand how it works!

OP posts:
lollylaughs · 04/09/2013 11:31

Its shame that is how you feel Mixxy. Once you have seen the poverty that surrounds us you may feel differently. My one job makes a difference to one household. Most households here have a helper at least once a week and all those make a huge difference! I take it you have never witnessed a mother with a baby on her back rummaging through a dustbin for food for her child.

Original poster
Salbertina · 04/09/2013 11:34

I paid £15 an hour to my cleaner a London, the going rate there . She was unskilled and from a tough, working class background. Other friends employed E european and African women.

The world over women with few other options are paid/underpaid to clean & care. Without such work they would struggle to feed their families. Little better in London/US than other places from what I've seen.

To put in context, unemployment here runs at between 26-30%, means-tested child support grant is less than £16 a month! This is what is meant by giving a job and supporting a family!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Salbertina · 04/09/2013 11:36

Lolly, oh yes, the bin-scratchers on dustbin day Hmm

OP posts:
lollylaughs · 04/09/2013 11:38

Mixxy, when last were you in Africa?

Barbie1 · 04/09/2013 11:42

Why as expats do we always have to justify our lifestyle?

I'm a sahm, I have been with my two children 24/7 since the first was born 3.5 years ago. I can count on one hand the number of times we have had a night away from the dc's and that only happened when we made the long trip home for our annual holiday. I get zero hours a week to myself.

Hang on I'm lying, dh will have them for me while I pop to the gym of an evening (training for London marathon eek!)

For my own mental well being I would employ help. Even the best of mothers amongst us need a break every now and then...and yet I'm slated as I don't work and have all the time in the world to do things Hmm

We choose to be expats to have a better standard of living. This includes help and of that's paid help then so be it.

Mixxy · 04/09/2013 11:47

I was last in Africa in 1999-2002. In Ghana. I worked forthe UN . Why?

Mixxy · 04/09/2013 11:53

Why am I catching flak here?

Original poster
Salbertina · 04/09/2013 11:55

Because you were rather rude - "line of shite"??? No one else has posted like that...

OP posts:
Mixxy · 04/09/2013 11:58

Oh okay. And why was I asked about the last time I lived in Africa? Seems like a strange collection of points gone wrong.

Mixxy · 04/09/2013 11:59

I'm Irish. We talk like that.

Barbie1 · 04/09/2013 12:05

Mixxy,
I only skimmed the thread before I posted. I'm slightly emotional right now, dh has gone back to the uk and dd started school. 3 months into this move and I'm still a little shell shocked. So apologies if my ramble up there ^ didn't make sense.

While living in Dubai I was shocked at the western women who bought there helpers to bbq's, lunches and other family occasions. I was never comfortable with this.

Most of the ladies paid a full time wage and expected them to work full time. Often the helper would be left in charge of all the children once other parents cottoned on.

I had the choice of live In help, it was basically the same price as part time love out. I still chose the love out option as I personally didn't want to share my house Blush it didn't really make financial sense but it was better for us as a family. That said Dubai was a very easy place to live and so I could of probably done without any help bar a cleaner every week.

Now in Korea things have changed. Socially it's harder, I'm more secluded and in need of some me time. If I have an option of a helper now I would take it. However Korean culture doesn't support this. So I'm back to paying substandard cleaners £9 an hour for basic duties.

If I want Ds to have day care it has to be full time or nothing. At 19 months he is too younger for full time and I can't justify sending him for my own needs.

I'm stuck.