I want to fire my live-in maid but no idea how and all the advice I get from other expats is so horrible

[creamcheesesneeze]

We have a full-time live in maid. I have never had this before. I hate it.

I really, really want to get rid of her but I have no idea how.

She is aggressively argumentative, criticises everything all the time, never does anything I ask.

On the other hand she does work really hard. I tried to get her to do sensible hours with a break in the middle of the day but she refuses and she is ALWAYS here. Working from 6am to 9pm with me begging her to PLEASE stop and go home or rest or something.

Yesterday she left the gate to the pool unlocked. It was a mistake, and we all make mistakes. But we have small children and this is a mistake that cannot be made. I told her on her first day that the most important part of this job was keeping the gate to the pool locked. When I told her yesterday that it had been left unlocked she first ignored me (because she was embarrassed and didn't want me to get cross - not that I ever have ) and then when I calmly but firmly said "You must remember to always, always lock the gate. This is very important" she got cross and started ranting that she DID always lock it and this was only one time and that I had left my balcony door unlocked last week and blah blah blah...

It is so exhausting. I find I am scared to even mention small things to her because she strops and sulks for days.

Just now she was washing up and asked why I had put the sponge (that she was using) in the wash. I said because it needed washing, and why had she taken it out of the wash? She said she didn't think it had been used for bad jobs so it was fine. I said it needed washing every day or two days and to please take a clean one. She roared with laughter and said that you cannot wash washing up sponges - they are always clean because they are used for washing!! So... she will do exactly what she wants and not wash the sponge.

But if I get rid of her she has no job, no income, family relying on her wage. She will cry and refuse to go and I'll have to make her. I feel like such a bitch sitting in my huge big house with every advantage in the world firing a poor old lady working for minimum wage (actually we pay double, but it's still not much) because she won't do my washing up precisely to my liking.

Other expats give completely shit shitty mcshit advice along the lines of "wait until she's out, pack up her things and take her to the airport. It's the only language these people understand! Delete her phone numbers. Don't tell her where she's going until you get there. Or she'll clean out your house and disappear!"

I don't really want her to work out notice because she will be so horrid while she's here. I'll happily pay her off. I just want her gone.

We're sending her to India for a month to see her family in August. I wondered about saying just before she left that she needn't come back, and paying her 2 months wages? Dh says that is a shitty thing to do.

She has already sort of threatened me that if I get rid of her things will be difficult for me. I have asked her to leave a few times before but she won't go.

[barbie1]

fellationelson
I have a part time maid, she already has a sponsor and just comes for a few hours every week and to babysit. Her sponsor is happy with this arrangement but even so i dont think this is entirely legal
There are loads of companies which will provide you will part time workers and you have the extra benefit of not worrying about insurance etc.
Im in Dubai, feel free to Pm if you have any questions

[needanewname]

We're hoping to move to ME (DH has an interview) and ihave to be honest I never even realised that it was normal to have a live in maid - if he gets the job, life will be very different (oh and I feel exactly like FellatioNelson! Especially as in former jobs I was the live in hired help!!!!)

[Grabaspoon]

Come back and tell us what happened OP

[Kiwinyc]

Theres no obligation to have live in help though. I certainly don't plan to, although i will want a cleaner as I do here.

[wordsonascreen]

Fellatio:its a whole different world.

Google agency maids on expat but be aware the worst threads have probably been deleted the mods there are notoriously trigger happy (and I've been banned from there

[MrsSchadenfreude]

I sacked a live-in nanny (she was from the Philippines) several years ago and got an utter flaming and pasting from everyone on here. She was pregnant, which probably didn't help, although I did everything by the book, paid her full maternity leave, plus an extra month which she asked for. The overwhelming support on here was for her, and I was the Evil Bitch From Hell, despite the fact that she was very cruel to my children (which got largely ignored). So I think you are absolutely right not to post any details about her departure.

[wordsonascreen]

Irrc it involved me telling several people to fuck off (that seems to be frowned upon)
Have you got schools sorted yet ?

[wordsonascreen]

xpost schaden

yy agree [still shuddering from the MOS maid thread from a while back]

[allhailtheaubergine]

Where in the ME are you heading Fellatio?

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

We lived in Oman, as I have said. We had two different home helps, neither of whom lived in.
I know that employing her was illegal, but her sponsor didn't seem to mind.
I also know that homehelps prefer to be employed by expats, they pay more due to guilt.
FWIW, we had one Sri Lankan woman and one Indian woman working for us. Both were great.

[TheBride]

fellatio

Don't take too much notice of maid threads on EW- remember that no-one starts a thread saying "my maid is awesome"; in fact anyone I know who has a great helper stays very quiet on the subject in case they get poached (albeit helper poaching is the death knell of friendship!).

Re agencies, it's legal, but (at least in Dubai) it's a very rough deal for the maid- the agency takes around 80% of the "hourly rate" you're paying and they live in horrible dorms stuck out in the desert somewhere (labour camps). They are also more likely to be "bonded" employees. Whilst many westerners have moral scrupples about live in help (I'm still scarred by the "houseboy" thread with the Facebook chaser), the reality is that a live in, FT job with a fair employer who pays the wages and respects days off, holiday and flights home and a clean and comfortable (if small) room with respected privacy, is the best life outcome for these women. Many of them have a nice house in their home country, and children in college due to their wages. Some others aren't so lucky, and have feckless husbands or brothers who drink the lot, but at least they dont have to live with the arses (some of the stories I have heard make me want to fly to Manila, seek out said men, and give them a piece of my mind)

I (reluctantly) went to FT when we went to HK as anything else is illegal (although done, but DH didn't want to risk it, as employer made it clear that if we got caught, we'd be hitting the road). My helper is really great- she's a Filipana lady with two grown up children. She's very experienced, so just gets on with everything - we had a few teething troubles up front, but really tiny, minor things which I just mentioned in passing, and then she did it differently.

Anyway, it's horses for courses, but I would at least consider the FT option, as can be a better deal for everyone concerned, if you find the right helper.

Good luck in Doha- may the school's admission genie wave his wand for you

[allhailtheaubergine]

Everyone who posts on ExpatWoman is shrieking MAD. Fact.

[barbie1]

I have posted on EXPAT WOMEN in my defense it was because we found a turtle while walking the dog and wanted to see if anyone would claim it before the dog ate it!

[TheBride]

expatwoman can be very useful in terms of practical help, but on a Thursday night it always kicks off worse than any AIBU in the history of MN, and because the number of individual posters is lower and many know one another in RL, there is a "royalty" element who rule the forum with a rod of iron- then they have a fall out in RL and live it through EW. It's actually quite entertaining.

[frikonastick]

fellatio, doha expat woman board is not quite as nest of vipery as the dubai one. but it functions much more as an information board than a chat site like this one. LOL at swearing on there wordsonasceen, hahahahahah, you must of been deleted so fast your head must of spun.

i am also moving to doha, in 2 months. DH is there now sorting out housing......which is a bit nerve wreaking!

on the subject of maids, dont worry too much, i have a lovely lovely full time nanny/maid and she has been with us for years (originally employed her in dubai) and she has moved countries with us and is also coming to qatar.

[Kiwinyc]

frikonastick - see you there! - we are moving to Doha at the end of August to start the new school year there.