Advice needed from any expats in Nigeria!

[childrenknowyourlimits]

My DH has told me that there is a potential for our family to move to Nigeria from UK for approx. 2 years with his work. The idea terrifies me & excites me in equal measure! We have 2 DSs aged 4 & 6 and, if we go would be in approx. 1 year.

Does anyone have any experience of this sort of thing? Any regrets? What are the positives & negatives? What sort of things do I need to bear in mind? I have done a bit of travelling pre-children to places like Australia, NZ & Thailand but have never been to Africa before. We would be living in a compound with an apparently good American school next to it. Would appreciate your thoughts!

Thank you!

Hi, TM&M! We're in Scotland atm, probably here to stay while dd does Standard Grades etc. It seems v sedate compared to Nigeria, I have to say!

How goes it with you?

I interviewed for a job out there - the lifestyle I saw terrified me. I wouldn't have been allowed to do anything with the children, the compound was nice but very claustrophobic, everyone (literally, everyone) on the compound knew who I was, why, details of my CV etc not because I believe my potential employers had broadcast it but because these things make their way around.

Perhaps you acclimatise after a while. People who had been there for a long time seemed relatively relaxed about things, even those who had been in potentially very dangerous situations! Personally, though, I know I'd have spent the whole time being incredibly stressed and hyper-vigilant or boxed in and spied on!

Thank you for your advice ViveLaFrak & BeenBeta. Seems there are some very divided opinions out there! Anyone else like to add their experiences?

bump

Caveating with the fact that I was there a long time ago, I would disagree with TMaM that there is a lot to do there. It is like a bloody goldfish bowl. Pool. Beach. Tennis. Golf (if you like). Yacht club or Polo club. Same people all the time, wherever you go. Everyone knows your business. It is utterly stifling. Yes, when you first arrive, it does seem like you're on a package holiday, with all the facilities. But it's not.

Everyone knowing everyone else's business didn't seem to manifest itself for us. I recently sold some items to a person who, it transpired, lived two floors above us in the same block. We had never seen or heard of him and he had never seen or heard of us in 15mths!

There's certainly a lack of western-style culture eg theatres and libraries but there are things to do. The museum runs lecture courses, there are frequent art exhibitions, often where you can take part in African arts and crafts, an active musical scene both modern and classical. There are cinemas and a Nigeria culture centre, drama, book and craft groups.

There's a huge need for charity volunteers in the spheres of hospitals, schools, street children, victims of domestic violence, braille book production, motherless babies, literacy classes and more. Paid jobs sometimes come up, too, in international schools and at the High Commission etc. I could have filled every day from morning to night with activities, if I'd wanted!

In my experience, these places are what you make of them. I am in total agreement with Sue that there usually are plenty of things to do, and this is the same for any African city. If you want to find new and interesting experiences, which are perhaps out of your comfort zone, then they are there waiting to be found. If however you want to just go to the pool, beach and play golf you can happily (or unhappily) do that too.

It's not a dig at you MrsS, more a reflection on the fact that many expats will feel out of their depth in an African country and will not feel comfortable venturing out. Others are happy to get out and find some new adventures, I suppose it depends on which kind you are children.

I have set up a mental health charity here in Nairobi and am about to start a part-time job at the High Commission. I run half marathons and cycle to school. Many expats here think I am mad, but I am living my life .

That's marvellous about your new charity, TM&M, well done. If Nairobi's anything like Lagos, it's badly needed. Well done you!

The pool/beach/golf scenario sounds very much like the Aussie lifestyle I've heard about.

Praps that's why Australia has never appealled to me!

I did travel quite a lot in Nga - also went to Cotonou for work every couple of weeks, which was my bolthole. It really wasn't safe to travel on the Mainland when I was there - carjackings were rife, and we were pretty much confined to VI and Ikoyi.

I was single when I went there, and every expat within 10 miles, thought I and the girl who lived below me, were theirs for the asking. Some of them on compound got quite stalkerish and used to watch out for what time we got home, and would then interrogate us about it. Understandably, their wives became quite hostile...perhaps that's one of the reasons I have such bad memories of the place. But the number of dead bodies was depressing - especially after the riots when I saw a baby's arm in the gutter on Kingsway...

The present governor cracked down on cleanliness in the city after he went to Singapore so bodies are now removed by the local govt. My dh used to see them regularly on his way to work but that's all changed.

You'd probably hardly recognise Lagos now, MrsS. Even I hardly recognise it as the same place I first went to nearly five years ago! The amount of building is phenomenal, with tower blocks all over Ikoyi, a dual carriageway down Alexander Ave/Gerard Rd and a toll road from Falomo to Lekki almost finished. Bar beach has been stabilised and a new promenade built.

Wrt to being chased by expats, the expat men all chase Nigerian girls now - or maybe the 9jan girls chase them - who's to say? There are quite a lot of expat women in senior jobs, either unaccompanied or with house-husbands. The days of women always being the trailing spouse have gone.

thought I'd add my opinion from a child's POV, though granted this was in the late 80's/early 90's. My Dad was posted to Lagos when I was 3 and my brother 1 month, we were there for almost 4years in which time I went to school at St Saviour's, which is I think an International School but had a lot of Nigerian children there too.

Of course I'm looking back through rose tinted specs but I had an incredibly happy childhood there: beaches at the Creek, swimming every day at the pool at our compound or the British High Comission, the great thing about compounds is we played outside with other children all the time, which isn't something I'd let my children do here in London so for child it feels very freeing. Because my Dad worked for the British Council we had a driver and a nanny, our nanny was amazing and I'd often to go to her house in Lagos and got to visit her village a few times too. I know my parents had issues with their first driver trying to steal from them but the next guy they got was lovely.

We had a minibus organsied to take us to school which if I dredge my memmories enough yes did have armed guards but I certainly didn't grow up feeling in danger or unsafe (not to mean it isn't dangerous of unsafe but there are definately ways of making children feel happy there).

The BRILLIANT thing about being posted anywhere in Africa is the opportunity to then travel round other parts of Africa, and again I have tons of memories of Ghana, Benin, Gambia.

When we came home I remember being utterly perplexed at the first encounters of racsism, I just hadn;t come across it despiote the obvious divide between expats and 'help'. Living there fostered a sense in me to travel much more, to live in a vibrant and varied area and my childhood memories are of sunshine and swimming.

Just thought it was worth mentioning seeing as you have two children.

I would recommend going out for a visit to Lagos with your DH, but without your children in the first instance, to get a feel for the city. I was an ex-pat child growing up in Kano, Northern Nigeria in the 60's and 70's and we never lived on 'compounds' or had armed guards or armed escorts. We did live in an area that was primarily ex-pat, and robberies were a common occurance and corruption was rife even back then. Our house used to get burgled at least a dozen times a year even though we employed a night watchman!! We were pushed out of the country due to 'positive discrimination', and I would never go back. I have a friend living in Lagos who is married to a half-Nigerian/half English man. They have to live in a walled/barbed wire complex and my friend breeds Rottweiler dogs which she sells as guard dogs to the ex-pat population. They have to be careful every time they leave their house and my friend never goes anywhere unacompannied. Good luck if you make the decision to go!

I lived there for 3 1/2 years in the early nineties too Mrs S! I do remember feeling almost permanently terrified for the first few months but the social life was awesome and I made many friends there who i still keep in regular touch with to this day. We had a driver but never any guards with us, and I went most places in daylight without any problems, other than the inevitable go-slows.
Advice-wise, it's one of the worst postings you can do and nothing can prepare you for the level of poverty and dirt, I, too, remember the bodies......and lost a good friend, Tony, to malaria. I would strongly recommend a look-see but warn that it will almost definitely put you off....good luck in whatever you decide though!

I must know you, Sawadi - if it is the same Tony. The one I knew died on Christmas Day and had only been married a few months. So sad...

Did we go drinking together, I wonder?

My South African friend moved there from Lusaka last year with her then 4 & 2 year old kids. From what I can gather she is enjoying it but it's very full on. If you are interested please PM me and I will give you her details. I am now in Botswana so keep in touch via FB.
Would second everyone else's suggestions to go for a look-see visit - there's no other way to tell really.

Thank you for your messages everyone! I didn't realise this post was still going! Since my original posting, I have been on a look-see visit with my DH and we have decided to take the plunge. We will be moving there in August. I am very excited! I think my 2 DS will love it especially. Lots to do now in preparation. I am up for a challenge!

I've just read this thread out of interest, having lived in east africa in the past and known friends who did postings to Nigeria.

I must say, I was surprised to see your response that after a look-see you'd decided to go for it, but good on you!

From what I've seen in hardship postings around the world, your attitude makes all the difference. With an 'up for a challenge' mindset I'm sure you'll make the most of every opportunity and friendship, and have a really memorable time there.

Good luck, and enjoy the regional travel - the best perk of all in my opinion!

Good for you children, life is an adventure.

We have some very good friends who live there and enjoy it immensely. I hope your paths will cross. Welcome to Africa.

Hi children

I have recently received a job offer to live and work in Abuja, please let me know if you are still around ??

Oh please i'm a born and raised Nigerian, you might have been ripped off by some stupid people over here but i can assure you that you can walk on the street of Lagos Nigeria and every other part of Nigeria without having security guards all over you, i was on google and i saw this message, its a shame you had a bad experience, i wonder why you would buy a fruit of 50naira for 5pounds, its ridiculous, and paying a Taxi triple times the money is really bad, if you really need someone to show you around, i would love to be of help to you, though depends on if you would still love to come to Nigeria, and one more thing Nigeria is one of the most easy to get along countries, you would get entertained and never a dull moment, hope you can chat up with me on Whatsapp +2348082190414

Please do say something positive about my country Nigeria, if you people need help with Touring the country i can help out a little, Nigeria is one of the best countries in Africa where you can walk freely with no armed guards and with the help of someone who's lived here since child birth would help you so very much more

Just seen this thread and dying to know what happened next. You have to update us!

As an expat based in Lagos, I'd like to know too! On the whole it's been a great location for us. Hope it's worked for you!

Late to the party here, but how exciting for you, OP! I am half Nigerian, grew up in Germany, spent every summer in Nigeria and still go back as an adult because of how much I love the people, food and nature.

Wish you nothing but the best!!