Mother’s Day angst

[Beebee2016]

After some thoughts and advice especially what others would do in this scenario.
We are two mums and have two children. Our daughter came out of rainbows upset, she had one Mother’s Day picture and couldn’t understand why she couldn’t have made one for each of us. When she was in nursery she always made two cards. Same with School.
Is it unreasonable to expect a card/picture each? Should settings accommodate this? I’m also interested to hear others experiences of how settings have navigated Father’s Day? TIA x

[Ponderingwindow]

I Want to start off by saying that I see the problem. I am just going to reply about how the situation may have happened in the hopes of helping you address it for the future.

our group had rotating parent helpers running activities. (Yes, we each had to do the background checks, but it’s how the troop managed to function, lots of parent volunteers). The downside is that the parent running a particular activity may not realize that there is a need to bring extra supplies. That is heteronormative bias and it is problematic.

the other issue is simply time. These things are often done really quickly. There really wouldn’t be time to complete two projects.

[barleyseed]

she can write both your names in the one card.

[budgiegirl]

It was probably just lack of time - most Rainbow meetings are fairly short - usually an hour, or hour and a quarter. It doesn't really give much time to set up, play a game or similar, then do an activity. There would also be the issue that there may only be enough supplies to complete one picture per child. She possibly could have been encouraged to write both your names on it.

As a parent, I would just reassure her that you are would love to share the picture, and tell her how pleased you are about it. Or help her to make another at home.

While it would be nice to have a picture each, I think it's unreasonable to expect that the rainbow leaders would allow her extra time to make two, when they may well have had other things to do.

[Nearlythere80]

Yes you can unmake this a problem by sharing the card

[SarahAndQuack]

I feel for her being upset, but I think it's one of those things. I suspect it is just the case that they didn't have much time (unless you get the sense it's something else?). FWIW my DD was really narked when she was in Reception, at being expected to make two cards when everyone else got away with only one. And I remember being less than delighted in year 1, when her teacher had provided model sentences for them and she'd plumped for something along the lines of 'number one mummy!' for one of us.

Sometimes it does sting a bit but you have to find the funny if you can.

[Startinganew07]

Agree with those who suggest simply adding two names to one card. It isn’t “heteronormative” — it is just reflective of time and resource constraints.
What would you expect the leaders to do for children who have two fathers? Or
who are being raised by a single father? Or whose mothers have died?
It would be lovely if every possible permutation of family life could be addressed — but perhaps it is up to parents to take the initiative rather than assume that teachers and leaders know how to address every family structure?
In the case of OP: surely you knew mothers’ day was coming? Perhaps next year, think ahead and help organise an appropriate project for your own child.

[CuriousGeorge80]

@Startinganew07

Agree with those who suggest simply adding two names to one card. It isn’t “heteronormative” — it is just reflective of time and resource constraints.
What would you expect the leaders to do for children who have two fathers? Or
who are being raised by a single father? Or whose mothers have died?
It would be lovely if every possible permutation of family life could be addressed — but perhaps it is up to parents to take the initiative rather than assume that teachers and leaders know how to address every family structure?
In the case of OP: surely you knew mothers’ day was coming? Perhaps next year, think ahead and help organise an appropriate project for your own child.

I would absolutely expect a child activity focused on making Mother’s Day cards to have a plan in place to support children who have mums who have died or are being raised by their grandmas or similar. That’s pretty basic. Your bar is very low if you don’t think they should be able to cope with a child in anything other than a 1 mum, 1 dad scenario.

[Startinganew07]

On the contrary. My “bar” is set high for parents. We need to take responsibility for our children and advocate for them. Surely Mothers’ Day didn’t come as a surprise for OP. Didn’t it occur to her or her wife to think about how they wanted their children to celebrate and to communicate with the teacher/group leader?

[SarahAndQuack]

Do you always find this has a positive outcome for you and your wife, though?

I recently - in very different circumstances - had to get in touch with my DD's Beavers leader to explain something about DD's situation as a child of two mums. I wouldn't have raised the issue had it not been really necessary - but even so, the immediate response was a bristling/confused insistence that DD was just like everyone else.

It's wearying.

IME, you don't want to be the parent who constantly gets in touch to remind people 'DD will be a bit unlike the others' because most people don't respond well to that.