Partner LGBT? Doesn't know I know?

[miriam2902]

Cheating lying? What do you think?

A pop up came on my computer on my partners emails... a trans/gay dating site.. I thought it was spam it sent me to the site..already logged in. He has an active dating profile with his (or her or them no idea now) profile. He's been logging on every morning while baby and I are asleep next to him.

He's changed his location to our address.. we've just moved..

Is he finding his true identity? Or cheating? I've been ghosted by local mums.. I'm wondering if this is why now, as we are a close knit community and there are other locals on this site.. idiotically his profile pic is obviously him. (I'd be a bit more security minded)

I know he has recently downloaded Snapchat..

Is he proper cheating? How do I bring it up? What do I do?

[miriam2902]

Odd thing is he is so blokey and acts homophobic

[EddieMunsen]

Blokey and homophobic - perfect candidate to believe in gender identity.

Most older men who transition are those who've been married, have kids, sometimes butch enough for the army. They are usually AGP.

OP, this is awful for you. I'd say regardless of their identity, they have put a sledgehammer to your marriage.

[AndrexPuppy]

Whatever his sexuality or fetish, it’s time for a chat and to ready yourself for a life as a single parent. Good luck OP.

[miriam2902]

@EddieMunsen

Blokey and homophobic - perfect candidate to believe in gender identity.

Most older men who transition are those who've been married, have kids, sometimes butch enough for the army. They are usually AGP.

OP, this is awful for you. I'd say regardless of their identity, they have put a sledgehammer to your marriage.

What AGP? Why would he act homophobic if he is gay? I don't know how to confront this.... I don't know whether to wait till I get on his Snapchat and see how far it's gone?

I'm mostly upset about the lying and also the potential risk to me and baby if he's been sleeping around :(

[miriam2902]

On his bio he's put he likes lingerie, cross dressing and threesomes..

[StillPerplexed]

He's cheating, or looking to cheat. That's the important thing, not whether he's bi or whatever. Either way, you need to have a serious conversation with him and consider that this is probably the end of your relationship.

[miriam2902]

@StillPerplexed

He's cheating, or looking to cheat. That's the important thing, not whether he's bi or whatever. Either way, you need to have a serious conversation with him and consider that this is probably the end of your relationship.

I guess that's what I wasn't sure about... if it is the cheating or because no one is aware of his sexuality so if he is using it that way?

[miriam2902]

But yes it will be over.. I've always been so open. Lying to this extent it would be impossible to move forward from regardless of motive :(

[EddieMunsen]

You'll need to google to find out about the cross-dressing paraphilia that motivates lots of adult males to transition.

Or just refuse to get drawn in because his issues do not condone his behaviour towards you and your child.

You might want to check out the trans widows phenomenon.

[dementedpixie]

Probably gets off on dressing up as a woman (this is the AGP) but still likes women and is likely straight rather than B or G.

[JackandJo]

It's not odd at all you find the lots of the homophobic ones are secretly gay

I would keep checking his phone etc and photograph anything u find so he cant worm his way out of it and just so u have all the concrete evidence you need for your own sanity.

Good luck I'm so sorry this is happening to u

[Bosky]

Don't just read the "Trans Widows Support Threads" or you will go crazy - post and ask for support and advice. These women have been through what you are going through and can help you to understand what is happening. This is the latest thread:

"Trans Widows' Escape Committee 6: The Next Generation"
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4879982-trans-widows-escape-committee-6-the-next-generation