My Transgender Daughter

[mamma132]

Just over a year ago, my dd (ds back then) came out of the closet as a bisexual trangender girl. I'm making this thread so that anyone who has a child in the lgbt+ community can reach out for support and advise from someone who has seen it happen firsthand. I would have found this thread really useful 14 months ago, and I hope it can be that helpful for someone now. I'll try to respond to as many comments as possible, but I might not get round to all of them.

[Italiangreyhound]

Haven't been here for a while. Very quiet. How is everyone?

How are you mamma132, PinkfluffySlippers63 and all?

[Italiangreyhound]

PinkfluffySlippers63

Panorama programme. "It was interesting and alarming in equal measure."

That was exactly what I thought!

[PinkfluffySlippers63]

Thanks for recommending the Panorama programme. It was interesting and alarming in equal measure.

[differentnameforthis]

I will continue to advise people when they are being mislead.

Op believes puberty blockers are harmless, and it all goes back to normal if you stop them.

They are not, and it does not.

[Fairenuff]

This chat was designed to inform anyone who is/has been/will be concerned with this, not for people to decide the gender of my child

No-one is deciding the gender of your child. You should be aware though that it is not possible for them to change sex. So please don't tell them that it is.

[Italiangreyhound]

I am watching this on catch up. I think it is worth watching for people who are thinking about these things for family members etc.

//www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0002tw1

[Atalune]

I don’t think anyone is dictating the gender of your child.

I’m an education advisor and have been a safeguarding lead. I work in primary and second schools and now work for a charity in the early years.

I can honestly say while I am gender critical and that’s my declared bias, I do feel that I have a responsibility to tell anyone who listens that this type of medical intervention for children who CANNOT POSSIBLY CONSENT is very very dangerous. It’s a safeguarding issue for me.

I understand as a parent we will move mountains to give our child happiness and well being. But ask yourself, at what cost?

Infertility
Osteoporosis
Stunted skeletal growth

You want what’s best for your child. But just make sure you’re looking at ALL the information and not just the pro trans groups such as mermaids, allsorts.

As a parent you should be looking at all the information so you can advocate, inform and support your child and not just swallow down the one aspect that the pro trans lobby offers up.

That’s what I would do as a parent. I would look at the whole picture, the stuff that I didnt like or fit with my narrative. I would be critical and I would be suspicious, and I would use all my maturity, my life experience, and make an informed decision.

[RiverTam]

I'm afraid that I will continue to robustly challenge anyone who comes out with some of the stuff the OP has come out with. MNHQ can delete anything they deem to be breaking talk guidelines.

[Italiangreyhound]

I hope people affected by this will come and chat and share, for support.

I have certainly debated this a lot, and to be fair I am no fan of puberty blockers and have said so lots of times before.

I just hope we can share some support because this issue which affects young people also affects their wider family and friends, and especially their parents.

[mamma132]

italiangreyhound, thanks for saying that. This chat was designed to inform anyone who is/has been/will be concerned with this, not for people to decide the gender of my child.

[O4FS]

Italiangreyhound - thank you for saying that. Completely agree with you.

[Italiangreyhound]

I understand there are a lot of strong feelings around this topic and numerous threads, which I have also joined and debated on on MN.

However, this thread is in LGBT children and is about the specific young people we know who are trans/presenting as trans etc.

Please can we keep it cordial so the OP and other posters directly affected by this, can get support from each other?

[Italiangreyhound]

differentnameforthis we have a trans identifying female in my wider family. She also used to want to be a cat. I have to say from my observation of these phenomimun up close, with a sample of one, it's not the same.

I also used to think it was.

[RiverTam]

It sounds to me like the OP has been 'educated' by Mermaids. Given what Susie Green did to her son and how blase she is about it (whilst sending the police after anyone who phrases it in a manner that rams home exactly what she did, to whit chemically and then surgically castrating her son, all by the age of 16) I can understand how she's understate (to say the least) the impact of puberty blockers.

[Arkengarthdale]

Sure it applies to boys too

[RockyFlintstone]

I don't understand, so people think that puberty blockers are 'magical' or something? Of course messing around with puberty could have serious side effects!

Do people think it's like going on the pill, where once you come off, you just become fertile again? Surely it's totally different, puberty is a 'one off event' during which huge developmental changes happen both physically and mentally.

You don't wanna be mucking around with it!!

[differentnameforthis]

Sorry, not sure what is going on with the mane changing. Was using different devices so...

[differentnameforthis]

pre-adolescent transgender people can access hormone blockers at a young age, which essentially prolongs puberty. The beauty of these is that if they change their mind, they can go off hormone blockers and have a normal puberty with no harm done. 2 very damaging lies, right there. They do not prolong it, they stop it, hence "blockers" and it doesn't start again when they are off them. And they can mess up your fertility, I don't consider that no harm!

[differentnameforthis]

Oh & that's not glib by the way. My daughter wants, at times, to be a cat. She even asks to eat/drink from a bowl on the floor (we say no and we catch her doing it anyway). It is tied in with her asd. And she takes the persona on fully. Purring at us, not talking etc. Walking on all 4.

[toomanyeggs]

She is not "preteding" to be a girl; she is one, Sorry, "she" is not a girl. I think this complete acceptance of these issues is harming our children.

She wants to be a girl, she feels like girl, she presents as a girl. That doesn't make her a girl anymore than my daughter dressing as a cat makes her a cat.

[Italiangreyhound]

I shall be watching this later on catch up. It does look pretty scary. But might be informative.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0002tw1

[RiverTam]

Just because your DC struggles with being a boy doesn't make them a girl, or make transitioning the answer to their issues.

Puberty is essential for both body and brain to go through. Your DC runs the risk of not developing properly, and not developing as a sexual person. Do you want them to be chemically castrated?

[Dyrne]

Mamma please reconsider your stance on puberty blockers - they are absolutely not a harmless, completely reversible thing.

Even ignoring all the other possible side effects, if you want to support your daughter consider this - Trans women have reported that their use of puberty blockers has actually meant they end up with an undeveloped penis. This has actually made it harder for them to undergo effective transition surgery as they do not have enough penile tissue to form the new ‘vagina’.

Support your daughter the best you can, but please look fully into the side effects of all medications and make an informed choice.

[mamma132]

mrsscamander, she described her being a boy as being like writing with your foreign hand: she can't exactly describe it, she jus knws it's wrong. And I don't think it's too unusual. Obviously, getting surgery is a massive struggle, both in terms of admin/paperwork and money. I don't really know her if she wants surgery or if she's even thought about it. We haven't discussed it, as it's a way off either way.