PR and no contact - help please!

[peachy2410]

Any legal people able to give any advice please??

DDs Dad has had no contact since Oct - his choice. He sent me a WhatsApp message (the only way he will communicate with me) stating he wants no contact from me again until our DD is of age to want to see him- she's currently 2. He doesn't want to know our address/holidays/schools.....nothing.

What do I do? I thought I'd have to give him that info/ask permission for holidays etc!

[grannytomine]

mustbemad17 but if he had PR and you didn't have legal authority to take her out of the country they shouldn't have done that. How would you feel if your ex picked up your DD from school or nursery and took her to an airport and they let him travel with her? That really happens and some mothers never see their kids again.

You might have thought it was great, you won, but it isn't a victory for the kids who are abducted to another country. Stansted security should be prosecuted.

[mustbemad17]

granny i got challenged at Stansted airport heading abroad. Ex had called (presumably) the police about me 'abducting' DD despite having fuck all to do with her for over a year armed security stopped me at passport control. I produced BC, passport & return travel tickets...they personally escorted me to my boarding gate 😃

[bhdhnghjn]

Very much doubt their dads would bother trying to get me done for abduction... they can't even be arsed to pay maintenance.

Think twice as we have walked through customs the older girls have been asked who's this when I hand our passports over, they just say "mum" and the man smiles and waved us through

[wannabestressfree]

Me too @bhdhnghjn. Have three sons and have never been asked.

[grannytomine]

bhdhnghjn it is terrible that you have never been challenged. If you look at the government website you will see that taking your child abroad without the proper consent is abduction.

[bhdhnghjn]

Single mum of 4 and have been for 10 years, I take them out the county every year and have never ever been stopped or got permission from my ex

[grannytomine]

Or permission from the courts/Child Arrangements Order. Their surname has nothing to do with it.

[grannytomine]

I think it is a disgrace that people aren't stopped leaving the country if they don't have the other parents consent. Children get abducted. Legally as long as the other parent has Parental Responsibility you need their permission.

[DaisysStew]

PPs are right, get a Child Arrangments Order in place naming you as resident parent and then you don’t need his permission for a trip of less than 28 days. I think the fees for applying are around £215? It should be really straightforward as he has stated he wants no contact so he’s not likely to contest it.

[prh47bridge]

Life123

Legally you need his permission. If you take the child for which your ex has PR out of the country without his consent or an appropriate court order you are committing a criminal offence. However, it is very unlikely you would be prosecuted for a genuine holiday.

In practical terms it is impossible to say. Many people take their children out of the country on holiday each year without any problems. However, a few find they are turned away by their destination country because they can't show that they have the consent of everyone with PR. There doesn't seem to be any consistent pattern as to which countries do this so I can't say for certain whether or not you will face problems going to Turkey.

The safest approach would be to apply to court for a Specific Issue Order allowing you to take your child out of the country for this holiday. Alternatively you could apply for a Child Arrangements Order stating that the child lives with you. That would allow you to take the child out of the country at any time provided it was for less than one month. If you want to apply for either of these orders you would need to show that you had made reasonable efforts to contact the father.

Note that this advice assumes you live in England or Wales. The law is a little different in Scotland.

[Life123]

I’m so confused also by all of this. I am now married and me and my husband have a child together which we all share the same surname, however, I have two children from a previous relationship. Their father is named on both of the birth certificates however only has PR over the youngest (due to his DOB).
My other 2 children have my maiden name as their surname.
They haven’t seen their father, through his own choice, for 8/9 years.
We are looking to going to turkey this year for a weeks holiday. Will I have a problem if I don’t have his permission. I don’t even know where I’d find him!
To makes things more confusing, he’s changed his name by deed poll about 6/7 times!

[peachy2410]

What do you reckon if he refuses to put it in writing or respond to me full stop?

[mustbemad17]

Yeah you'd be covering your ass if you could get it in writing. Or bite the bullet & get an order in place i guess.

Haha i wonder if it goes based on BC names?

[hahahaIdontgetit]

I would get a letter if you can, most countries are fine, but if, for example, your daughter wants to go to South Africa on a charity mission whilst she is still underage, they require a letter from both parents.

(To be fair this is second hand info, because I was confused about kids that have no idea who the father is).

[mustbemad17]

peachy the letter wasn't even from my ex! I had approached a solicitor about what rights i had after he buggared off & she told me the 28 days with return ticket. I paid for the advice in writing just so I could have it with me. My ex wouldn't have given me permission in writing just to be an arse

[mustbemad17]

Peachy i'd take his text as your blanket consent personally. He's basically told you to do what you want. I got stopped at the airport with DD by armed security (scary shit) cos he tried to pull the kidnap stunt but they let me go soon as I produced return tickets (still baffled by this now!). If you keep hold of the text you basically have his consent in your hand.

You could approach a solicitor for advice if you were worried, most do a free consultation so you can find out your options

[peachy2410]

@mustbemad17 how did you go about getting that letter? Did the father agree to it?x

[peachy2410]

It all stemmed from me asking if I could take her on holiday. He said he's not bothered what I do. So not wholly sure where that leaves me for the future. No child arrangement order is in place. I'm considering one, but don't really want to poke the sleeping lion if you catch my drift. He's quite a toxic individual and we are probably better off if I'm honest. I've offered contact previously and he's declined usually with a raft of abuse. And now he says he doesn't want to know anything of our lives!

[mustbemad17]

That's actually creased me up (in a worried kind of way)!!!

[mustbemad17]

My solicitor clearly has no clue what she's doing then. I took my DD out of the country end of last year without his permission & he couldn't stop me (he has tried).

[FedUpOfThisNonsense]

www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

Always so much confusion about the 28 days but the law is on this link.

[mustbemad17]

FedUp i have no court papers about my DD, no arrangements. I have solicitor letters confirming to me that I can take her anywhere for 28 days as long as I can prove I have a return journey planned

[FedUpOfThisNonsense]

Mustbemad that’s only the case if the OP has a child areangements order stating that the child lives with her. Otherwise if both parents hold PR then both parents must give consent to taking child out of the country.

[mustbemad17]

Keep the message, that's your back up. DD's dad (has PR) not bothered with her since 6 months. I've made all the decisions, taken her out of the country without any bother. He did once try it on to stop me leaving but it was laughed out.

You are allowed to take your child out of the country for 28 days without his permission regardless btw. Unless he actively tries to stop you or a court order says otherwise.

[prh47bridge]

You don't have to give him that information if he doesn't want it. He is entitled to a say in some things but no-one will force him to get involved. However, unless there is a Child Arrangements Order saying that your daughter lives with you, you will need his consent if you want to take her out of the country. He doesn't have to approve each trip individually. You could get him to give blanket consent.