My DS has a toddler with his now XP. They were living together in a house for which I had provided the deposit and first month's rent; I also bought a sofa for them, and a few other bits and pieces. They have now split, mostly because they're just too young - DS is only 20, his ex 21.
He moved back in with me and has had his DS here two or three nights a week since the split; there's no set pattern to which nights because he works ever-changing shifts, so it's been to suit both parents. We have plenty of space, and my DGS has his own room and lots of toys.
Ex is now moving out of that house and into a council place, so I asked that she return the deposit to me when she gets it back. I also asked that, as the sofa was bought for them, not her, she pay back the cost of that too. DS has been giving her five times more maintenance (£25 pw rather than £5, he only has a pt job) than he has to, so I suggested that he give the excess £20 to me rather than to her, to pay off the sofa. She's not working and is supported by benefits.
She has gone ballistic and summoned DS to tell him that he'll never see his DS again. She's refusing to take his or my calls, ignores texts and has defriended my entire family on FB. She has previously refused mediation.
So it looks like we have to go down the legal route. DS is named as the child's father and would like to go for 50/50 residency. How likely is he to get this, and what is his first move?
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Legal matters
Separation and residency
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 10/03/2011 17:08
Yes, mumblechums, the courts are archaic. Even Lord Gill, one of Scotland's most senior judges, described them as "Victorian" at a meeting of the Law Society of Scotland. Fortunately his recommendations for reforming the civil courts will soon bring about significant change. 
OP, Anger is frequently a feature of families breaking down and although it shouldn't be left too long it might be worth waiting a day or so to see if matters calm down and contact is actually withheld. A solicitor can help to defuse the situation and negotiate arrangement without involving the courts. Often anger is a secondary emotion to more primary feelings of hurt, fear and uncertainty particularly if someone is worried about how they are going to manage financially or feel threatened that they will "lose" a child.
It is one thing supporting someone who is going through relationship breakdown but third parties need to take not to care take on the disputes as their own because it is a factor in high conflict separations and the long term detrimental effects upon children are well documented.
Shared residence can be in different proportions, it doesn't have to be 50:50. Generally it's accepted that disrupting a child's sense of security and established bonds isn't in the best interests of the child so changing the status quo is usually an uphill struggle. Parental rights, fairness and equality isn't a courts main concern, the priority is the welfare of children.
Just to show how quickly things can change; last Thursday he was never to see his DS again, tomorrow I'm babysitting at my house while he helps her clean their old house before handing back the keys on Friday! 
Still asking for mediation, though, I think we'd all feel "safer" if they can come to some sort of written agreement. She is a good mum and she does want the best for her DS, I'm sure they can work something out together.
Rollercoasters, eh?
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