i am 37 with dds aged 5 and 7. we have fun together. they are very independent and family life is good.
we have been badly hit by the recession but long term our financial circs will almost certainly improve. for now, however, my p/t job is our main, regular income.
there seem to be many very sensible reasons to 'stop at two', but i've been v broody for over a year now.
i'm worried about having a big age gap. i'm worried that the dds might feel neglected. i'm worried about returning to sleepless nights. but most of all i'm worried about getting into my forties when it really might be too late, and realising that i really shouldve had that third baby.
does anyone out there regret their decision not to have a third? ( sorry if its sensitive).i'm just not sure what to do.
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should i have a THIRD CHILD? Anyone rergret NOT having a third?
noonar · 29/10/2009 17:09
Interesting that you posted this on the Larger Families board - is your subconcious trying to skew the results? :)
I will buck the trend - I am glad that we didn't have a third, even though I have been incredibly broody, and still have pangs now.
Perhaps we are "lucky" that we are 100% infertile, and so every child that we have has to be very planned. I think that it might be different if we could "forget" the contraception and get carried away in a romance of new baby smell and the downy fluff on their heads.
Pregnancy is pretty dire for me, and I know that it isn't just me who suffers. When I was pregnant with DD2, I couldn't look after DD1 properly and needed lots of help from family. Even though I had that help, I felt very guilty that I had withdrawn to a certain extent from DD1's life, because I had no choice. Then after pregnancy, I've had two babies who didn't sleep (and still don't need as much sleep as "normal" children 
) and fed like demons and I was exhausted. The thought of putting two children through that again just makes me too sad.
The other thing is that pregnancy has done a real number on my body - I am still struggling to repair some of the damage more that two years after I was last pregnant and a third pregnancy would mean that there would be basically no hope for me.
So it's a very boring and logical conclusion that the best thing for our whole family is to stop now. It would be risking the family members that we have got, over the dreams of a third child, which as just that, dreams.
I definitely wanted 3, but got pregnant with DS far earlier than I expected (previous fertility probs let me assume I didn't need contraception 
). So now I have a 4 y/o, 2 y/o and 2 month old.
Now he's here he's an absolute joy, but it is hard. Expeditions out have to be planned like military operations, and I do envy friends who have finished the nappy stage with both DC's and have freedom to go out and about with ease.
I don't regret him, but I do regret the timing.
nico been i was the same there is a couple in our village with four and before i had children i was like, omg 4 
I always wanted children but i always thought two, i liked the idea of a big family but never thought it would be me having one!! How things change i think if i could have stopped at two it would have been ideal in a way but now i dont like the no3 feel like i need an even number
But youve decribed it well moving to 3 have been intense, and it is alot harder to regain some me time and we have found we are starting to go out very occasionally now in the evening once they are all asleep in bed but cant imagine leaving the with anyone in the day if we needed to would need to maybe send the two eldest to someone and youngest to someone else, being as mil is about our only reluctant babysitter that makes things tricky.
I also find it hard asking for help as i feel like people may think you shouldnt of had three if you cant deal with it etc but thats prob just my prob im not great at asking for help!
threecurrantbuns I think that 3/4 transition slip means you are destined to have another 
My 3rd is 7 weeks and although things are settling down now, it's been intense. I think that if you have 3, you struggle to have any life outside of your kids while they are small. I can't imagine one right now...
I envy people who can feel complete at 2, I knew I wanted 3 straight after having dd2. This broodiness and longing for more babies knocked me sideways. I never imagined having lots of babies and thought my neighbour with 4 was crazy. And now I know I'll want 4 too (whether I will is something else).
Best of luck with whatever you choose.
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I found the transition to no4 HARD! But thats just me and i had 3 under 4 so bit different.
Although its getting easier, just not the youngest is 1next month i still look at them all together and feel so happy and know i could have never stopped with two, although had a couple of breif moment in the first couple of weeks thinking...what have i doneill never cope!
I am younger so had time on my side but agree it was more about age gaps and how that effected the sibling relationships etc for me!
Now i decided whether to have a fourth and final but not sure if i could cope or if im just completely mad and if me and dh would survice another newborn 
so similar position but diff no.
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