How to cope looking after 3 children?

[Hannah2199]

Really struggling to look after all 3 children on days I have them by myself. They are 7, 5 and 6 months.

It seems they all need my attention all the time, or 2 of them are missing out on attention because I'm dealing g with the others like trying to get the baby to nap.

Staying home is ok now weve got so many things to play with from Christmas but in a few weeks when all the Lego/independent toys are finished with it's going to be tricky containing my energetic eldest.

Attempted trip out the other day but 7 and 5 year old constantly running off, not listening etc. Made it very difficult and lunch was tricky because baby now needs proper food and takes ages whereas the others had finished and were messing around. I've tried taking games etc with me but there is only so much physical stuff I can carry everytime we go out.

House is a tip. In the day I've just about time to do some washing hang it up and put clothes away and maybe wash up. But just doing the essentials isn't working I feel claustrophobic.

Try to get things done on a night time but also have baby that goes to bed at 7/8 and gets up at 11 wide awake for 3 or 4 hours at a time. Eldest gets up at 6 so no sleep here either.

OH says just lower expectations and put kids in front of tv. Even then they are constantly bickering. Is this normal, I didnt have siblings so I'm struggling to know where to intervene and when to let them figure it out themselves. The constant noise is doing my head in and I'm starting to feel quite anxious day to day.

We also have some fantastic times and it can lots of fun but I just dread afternoons and the long early evenings until OH gets home when everyone is tired and hungry and crying.

Any tips for survival and dividing time between 3 kids please? Especially once baby is crawling/walking and needs constant attention

[Charles11]

I’ve got the same age gap dc as you.
Having some kind of structure to the day really helps.
I took them out every day. To the park, see the ducks, walks in the woods or the garden.
Take snacks.
Then in the afternoon they’d be calmer so it would be playing with toys or doing some arts and crafts.
I had art books and Pinterest for ideas. They made some fab stuff using toilet rolls or boxes and did some great art.
They played with toys and looked at books about dinosaurs or sharks.
Once they’d done that, I didn’t care about how much tv they watched. Some of it is really educational.
They got into wildlife programmes and loved Steve Backshall.

[tostaky]

Also, if you can afford a mother help in the evening... that makes a big difference!

[tostaky]

I have 11, 9 and 7 years old.
What about playdates? From 4, i started playdates and it has been great.
To have one less child for a couple of hours is fantastic and allows me to enjoy better the other two (or for those two to have some special time)
To have an extra friend (or two, or three!) is 100 times better than a new toy! They entertain each others. If they get stuck: playdoh, hama beads, laser guns, marble run.
As they get older, i find that having a friend each for playdates works really well and is less work than inviting only one friend (the two friendless others end up being resentful and misbehaving.)

[Busymummy16]

Hey! I’ve got 3 similar ages, 8,6,2.5 we are just about ok doing outings just me but usually take someone with me, DH or another friend and their kids so there’s an extra pair of hands. Weekends are about the big ones and ferrying them to various clubs and we have to divide and conquer. Little one plays at home a lot. During the week the little one gets more time with me. The bickering is hard and I tend to separate them and we have consequence eg toy taken away etc. I can take them to the park by themselves but we are away off being able to take them all with bikes. DH will often take the big two off and I’ll be with little one on her balance bike. It does get easier! Ask for help if you can xx

[SilverViking]

@Hannah2199
Ah yes, perhaps I am trying to entertain them too much. But what do you do yourself if you're not playing with the kids?

Your children will benefit from having their own time to explore and work things out for themselves (in the garden or reading a book or playing with toys or just playing with each other). They will also learn to keep themselves amused and not need an adult to constantly lead them in something structured.
You will benefit from them being able to independently do things for themselves and amuse themselves. It will mean when you play with them, it will be a change or something new during those periods of the day. And.... you get some free time to yourself or to spend with some of the children individually. Or just relax .. but most probably you will spend that time just doing one of the other 101 jobs around the house needing done.

The one thing that worked for us is that we tried to stop the low level constant complaining or bickering ... everybody just learnt to be in a bad mood all the time. There will be enough "real" things to get annoyed or complain about during the day.

Anothet thing that worked for us was that the older children loved "helping" with the baby ... getting nappies or leaving back bottles, helping dress them etc. This helped enormously as it took a very small job but also kept the older children involved and doing something for a shorty while. Same worked for tidying up toys, before taking other toys out, going out or going to bed at night. It can be made fun by having a race or a reward for doing s good tidy

[Hannah2199]

You're braver than me!

[Whynosnowyet]

I tell my dc we are just living when I get the bored conversation...
Winter picnics are our favourite... Flasks of soup and a crusty bun in a park is amazing! Or making plastic mugs of hot chocolate and squirting cream on them!
Once we took our huge bbq in a van to a popular forest in November for ds's birthday!!
Been known to take a small disposable one to local wood too!! A dog stole a sausage once and dc still remember!
Never the wrong weather op - just the wrong clothes!!
Once after 4 weeks of chicken pox in succession I walked 4 dc to a park and sat in the pouring rain under trees eating fish and chips!!

[Hannah2199]

Ah yes, perhaps I am trying to entertain them too much. But what do you do yourself if you're not playing with the kids? Genuine question!

[Hannahlouise4026]

Hi, I have similar ish aged children (6,5 and 9m)
I will say, I found going from 1 to 2 extremely hard as they were only a year apart, and I think that kind of helped me when having my 3rd in a wierd way as I didn’t think it could be as hard as that!
I find the baby the easy one. He kind of just goes along with whatever is happening! He’s just started crawling which has started to make things a little trickier again! The other two argue, moan and are more hard work( I love them dearly of course. But they are!) however, I do find I really miss them once the schools go back!
Once baby is eating solids and finger foods it gets a little easier as you can have baby in high chair with some food and have some time to do homework/play with The other two. I generally leave them to it and they are good at entertaining themselves when we’re at Home after school. Weekends when my husband is home I find harder - they behave much worse when he is there - it’s like they know how far they can push it when it’s just me, so generally behave ok if I’m out with them!
The hardest part I find is getting ready and out the door in the morning. Prepping the night before helps, if possible. I make packed lunches for the weekends and have picnic (at home or out)
Summer time will be easier for getting out and about without having to take boots/coats etc
Lower your expectations too. As long as everyone is fed and clean!

[Frenchw1fe]

I think your trying too hard to entertain them. It doesn't harm children to be a little bored occasionally. You're their mum not a children's entertainer.
I agree with quiet time. Make it clear they have to stay in one room and that you are busy. If they are bickering let them, as long as they don't kill each other job done.
They have to behave at school so why can't they at home.

[Hannah2199]

Thanks everyone. Good suggestions here we do try to go out every day. Definitely easier in summer like others have said. Lunch on days out is the hardest bit in the winter - go out in the morning and have to have lunch out eg it only opens at 10, by 1130 kids claim to be starving. Or, go out after lunch - risk not being able to park as everywhere is packed, and starting to get dark early. Phew it's a minefield isn't it!

Good to hear we are not the only ones with the issue. Went away at the weekend (without baby) and while eldest had lots of fun and were good some of the time. Actually spent lots of time moaning and bickering and driving OH insane!! I think its perhaps the age gap or just kids in general rather than the baby that makes it difficult 🙈

Roll on the start of term!!

[Goostacean]

Reading with interest; DC2 is only 3 weeks old but would love a third in the future! Eye-opening thread, OP, thank you!

[Comfortzone]

Also - oven dinners & batch cooking is a real help

Allso have a few key words otherwise you'll spend all your time nagging them for peace & quiet!

I mean for us it's 'quiet time starts now' meaning I get alone time with book/telly/ipad they get down time with books/telly/coloring books etc

Also - 'shoes, teeth, hair!' is what they must do before an outing (while I wait on the sofa) They do enjoy being independent, give it a try you mustn't fall into the trap of doing every little thing for the older kids, important that they'll perfect their own routines

Praise them if they master it

[Rollonspringtime2020]

Going from 2-3 was a shocker.. 3 - 4 was a breeze op!!

[busylifebusywife]

I feel your pain I have 7, 5, 4, 8 months and another due in March recently it seems to have got easier but I had to forget about mum guilt a long time ago.

The older 3 do a lot of little jobs to help me with house work such as clearing the table and putting their washing away.

We also hid tech toys as it made them argumentative with each other.

An like someone else said we go out as much as we can and play in the garden

[Comfortzone]

3 here, similar ages

Mornings: baby fed, changed clothed into bouncer near you while you do quick laundry and spray wipe of counter tops
Older 2 can settle at kitchens table for craft/board game? Or telly movie after they've had breakfast & made their beds (offering rewards after basic helping mum tasks)

Afternoon: lunch after the movie/telly - weather permitting - then long walk to park/football bring snacks, earphones for you

Late afternoon: hometime with hopefully exhausted kids??? Showers while you put a quick dinner in oven Pyjamas on before dinner
Wine for you Baby bottle book and cuddles then into bed then an hour downstairs with the oldest getting your attention then up to bed for them (a reward is activity tomorrow of their choice if they go to sleep straight away)

Lots of kind words to my kids got me through even though I was tired and grumpy they needed my to be kind but clear on what their day would involve then they didn't run amok wondering what to do etc etc

My baby woke at 11pm and 4am normal enough then eventually dropped the 4am wake up Bottle beside your bed at night really helped me also

[RNBrie]

I have 3... I think you need a shift in how you think about you 6mo, babies can just come along for the ride most of the time. If the baby is taking ages over lunch then pack up anyway and let them eat finger food in the buggy. If they need to sleep then everyone goes out for a long walk with the promise of hot chocolate when you get home. With marshmallows on the top if there's no arguing on the way.

Use bribery liberally but take NO SHIT from your older two. Mine rarely bicker now because they lose screen time and I am hard as nails about sticking to my threats (no stories at bed time, no TV, no screen time, no Christmas chocolate, you know what they care about most)

Lay out your terms at the start of the day. We are doing x, y, z and this is how I expect you to behave. This is what will happen if you moan/fight/whatever. You need to be strong and consistent though.

The other thing that always keeps my kids entertained is magic sponges. I get them to clean the skirting boards and walls and they absolutely love it. Never fails

I also agree with @SweepTheHalls about getting out of the house every day and doing lunches at home or picnics.

[fairgroundsnack]

I have a similar combo of kids - I’m 3 years ahead of you! I remember that phase, it was exhausting... the big two will be back to school soon which will help. It will be much better when the weather improves and you can go out and about - we went out to lots of parks and had picnics etc. I found that I had to get my 1:1 time with baby when the big ones were at school and then focus on them after school, with baby in the bouncer or mat. Do they do any activities after school?

[SweepTheHalls]

Every day a half day activity out of the house. Lunch at home, cheaper and easier. Walk in the woods, baby in sling, playground, out on bikes, library etc. Saves my sanity.

[slothbyday]

I find the age combinations of having 3 change so frequently that the ability to go places and do stuff peaks and troughs. We had a great summer in 2018 but 2019 was awful and I swore I'd never take them places again! We are still in a rubbishy phase at the moment so are focusing on divide and conquer!

I do find going places where they can run safely (national trust, parks etc) and later them up with Welles and warm clothes!

At home, divide and conquer and get them playing in bedrooms a lot! Games are really enjoyable (uno and top trumps type ones)

Do not look at what others do and try and copy!!! Focus in your set up and ignore everyone else! It's ok to do nothing, go nowhere, leave early, short bursts of activities!

If you haven't already, get baby eating blw/solids so picnics are easy! Fruit pouches etc.

[Hannah2199]

Ah we would love one but unfortunately our garden is just too small

[Rollonspringtime2020]

Could you ask family to chip in for a small trampoline for Easter?
We got one instead of eggs one year. Best £99 I have ever spent...

[Rollonspringtime2020]

£10 each at ours!!

[Hannah2199]

Agree trampoline parks are great just expensive. £30 for us for 1 hour 😱

[rosydreams]

my 8 year old enjoys indoor playpark theres a big one near us called 360 play thats suitable for older kids.I think they just want you to entertain them it took me a wile to teach my daughter i cant always play with her.Some times she has to make the fun herself when she is bored

but i agree trampoline parks are great for knocking them out