My GP just told me by text that I can't have IVF

[TinyGoldfish]

I have endometriosis and suspected adenomyosis and my fertility is currently being investigated. At my last op I was stage 4 so although I probably don't have the worst chances (as in I have both my ovaries and a uterus) statistically speaking it's a probability that I would need IVF to get pregnant.

Not an impossible hurdle in itself! I wouldn't be able to afford it privately but it's OK because the CCG for my area fund two cycles of IVF for women with fertility problems caused by issues like endometriosis and I fit all the other criteria.

Except, being in a same sex couple we would need to use a sperm donor and it doesn't say anything about that.

I had an appointment with my GP anyway and I asked about this. He spent some time trying to find out about it but couldn't. "I'll look it up tomorrow then call you. Or text you. Can I text you?" he says. I agree that that's absolutely fine and leave.

Today I had a text: 'it seems your IVF investigation and treatment isn't available on the NHS'. In retrospect, agreeing to a text was a really really rubbish idea.

Now I don't know what to do. I've failed before I've even begun. Opinions? Advice? A Grip? Literally anything would be better than this standing on the edge of an abyss feeling I have right now... Help.

[Merrow]

If the only grounds for refusal are your sexuality that's simply illegal. Here's the stonewall thing I was talking about www.stonewall.org.uk/help-advice/parenting-rights/donor-insemination-and-fertility-treatment-0

Key bit is: "Even if you have tried to conceive six times, you still may not be eligible for NHS funded treatment in your local area. Your local NHS trust will have a number of other criteria that you may also need to meet before they will fund treatment. These can include things like your age, whether you smoke, and other lifestyle factors such as alcohol consumption and levels of fitness.

It is therefore important to find out what your local NHS trust's criteria on funding fertility treatment before beginning the process of conceiving.

The law is clear, however, that these criteria should apply equally to opposite-sex and same-sex couples – it would be unlawful for a trust to deny you fertility treatment simply because you are a same-sex couple."

[cleaty]

I would contact Stonewall if I was you.

[TiggerPiggerPoohBumWee]

Surely I'm just a woman like any other woman?

Well yes. But so is your partner, and therefore you can't naturally make a baby together without assistance. There argument would be that you would need treatment anyway without your fertility problems, and they don't fund that sort of treatment.

I disagree with them, but I think thats how the idea goes.

[cookiefiend]

Don't give up- I think your GP is wrong. I know things are different in different areas, but you cannot be denied treatment that you would get as a smae sex couple. Try contacting stonewall and perhaps post which health board you are in (if you don't mind, or perhaps with a different thread title like refused IVF by NHS whatever- any experience) and perhaps someone who knows the rules for your area can help.

[Merrow]

I would write to your CCG's fertility clinic, because honestly what you've been told just doesn't make sense. It would be an idiotic mistake for the criteria to effectively ban same sex couples, because it's just illegal. I suspect that either the person you spoke to isn't familiar with how it is interpreted in practice, and so made some assumptions, or (depending on the conversation you had) you fall foul of one of the other criteria. The benefit of having it in writing is if they are stupid enough to say "sorry, no gays allowed" then you have proof of discrimination.

[ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay]

What I meant was that I thought her refusal would be due to her poor fertility history. In no way did I think it would be because she is in a same sex relationship.

Now that the OP has confined that her same sex relationship status is the reason, I am shocked. That can't be right??

[TinyGoldfish]

I've literally just rang them Merrow. But I see what you're saying about getting it in writing.

I've just emailed Stonewall now.

[BorisIsBack]

If you exhaust the options of getting help through your ccg have you thought about getting ivf overseas? It's a fraction of the price (about a third of the cost per cycle even with flights and accommodation). It's really easy to organise even with donor contributions. Just an alternative thought. I hope you can get decent nhs treatment though, the lottery of what's provided is bloody unfair.

[pollylovespie]

What a horrible situation, so sorry you're going through this. Is there an expectation that your partner should be willing to try other fertility treatment, which may be less expensive than IVF, if she doesn't have your medical issues ? Seems like it shouldn't be legal to discriminate otherwise.

[TinyGoldfish]

No cookie I don't mind saying where I am. I name changed before I wrote this post so I wouldn't have to lose my other name if it all got a bit identifying. (Ironically?) I'm under the Brighton & Hove CCG.

[Merrow]

Oh ffs, Brighton??? You should be surrounded by lesbians who have had successful NHS fertility treatment!

[Frazzled2207]

I think you need to clarify with the ccg directly and there will be some kind of appeal process.
It's appalling and illegal if you're being discriminated against because you're same sex- I would be threatening to speak to the media etc.

[TinyGoldfish]

My DP will be home any minute.

Thanks Boris. I have to think this all through. The immediate problem that I can see with that is that I would need any medication to be really considered as I wouldn't want it making my endo worse and is that as easy to do abroad? But that's a thought for another day I think...

[TinyGoldfish]

Ok I've found a number and an email address for the CCG. I'll talk to my DP then at some point I'll get in touch with them and see if they can clarify what the clinic said about them.

[Merrow]

On a more helpful note, I'm sure there will be LGBT baby groups locally, could be worth getting in touch with the organiser and seeing if anyone will speak to you about their experiences?

[middlings]

I agree with everyone else that you need to go straight to the CCG. My GP didn't have the foggiest when we were looking for funding, despite the fact that the regs had been in place for about two years. In those days it was still the PCT but the role was Fertility Funding Manager. I ended up on first name terms with ours

[BorisIsBack]

Tiny - the foreign clinics will cope with your endo and any other issues you gave with no fuss.

[MountainDweller]

A bit off topic but have they actually treated/removed your endometriosis? They should do that anyway, not just for fertility reasons but for pain relief/relief from heavy bleeding and other endo symptoms. That would give you the best possible chance of conceiving.

[t1mum]

That is plainly discrimination then. Agree with others to contact Stonewall. But also agree with MountainDweller than you should press for treatment of your endometriosis. Also, I have adenomyosis and PCOS and this hasn't stopped me conceiving. I know that I have been very lucky, but conditions that affect fertility don't necessarily prohibit conception. I do understand though that in your circumstances where there will presumably be a cost to each attempt, you will want to do everything to maximise your chances of conception. Wishing you all luck and hoping that this turns out well for you.

[tinkitonki]

Hi. I'm in Brighton and Hove too and we went through this a few years ago. Sadly the policy was the same then for us, we went private in the end and have 2 children.
Anyway when I investigated the CCG (or PCT) stance at the time it transpired that it was technically not discriminatory to same sex couples as they don't fund donor treatment for anyone, gay, straight or single.
It's a rubbish loophole in my opinion but one they have stuck to for years.
We egg shared in the end, drastically reduced the costs and meant we could pay it forward as well to someone who needed donor eggs. Don't know if this would be an option for you?
You can appeal any decision the CCG make, and given your 'issues' it might be worth looking into but I have no idea how likely it would be to succeed.
I'm sorry I can't be more positive, just wanted to share our experience. Good luck with it all.

[nosireebob]

Same situation here, didn't get anywhere with NHS and we went overseas as couldn't afford private here. Good experience and successful though, busy worrying about primary school places now :)

[TinyGoldfish]

Thank you to everyone who's shared advice and experiences.

I talked to my DP about it. She said the same as all of you really: We do have options, we just need to figure them all out. I feel like I need a really big list of possibilities.

I've emailed the CCG and Stonewall but haven't heard back yet.

Mountain & T1 - yes I've had 3 operations so far and am on the waiting list to have my 4th. What I wanted was to get all of the fertility stuff organised (in terms of joining any waiting lists, finding a donor, etc) so that after I had had my next operation I would be ready to go for it before (if) the endo came back again. Statistically speaking you have 6 months of 'increased fertility' after being treated surgically for endometriosis, so I was thinking that would be the point I would want to start at. I was trying to get all my ducks in a row.

I'm having a really rubbish time with my pain anyway. I might have to reduce my working hours because of it or look for a less physical job, which will leave us with less money. And this just feels like another fight. One I (maybe naively?) wasn't expecting.

[TinyGoldfish]

Update for anyone who's interested - the CCG emailed me this:

'I am afraid that a woman in a same sex relationship would not be eligible for NHS IVF funding as the CCG does not fund procedures involving donor genetic materials for any patient group. This would be the case even if she met all other criteria within the IVF Policy.'

[mouldycheesefan]

We didn't get any treatment funded just because of where we lived. We went private and we are very glad we did, but it took £17k and 4 cycles for us to have our children. I do feel very very sorry for those that can't stretch to it but don't give up until you have explored all the options for financing it.
Is there any way that you could pay seperately for the donor, which maybe you would have to even if not having ivf, But have the rest of the treatment funded by NHS?
Or could your partner be the one that is pg if that is the more straightforward option?
Good luck

[mouldycheesefan]

Just to add, I wouldn't look at it as 'I can't have ivf' I would look at it as ' I need to find a different way of becoming a parent, which may include self funding ivf'.
I feel is such a long hard road with hurdles all along the the way. This is just the first one to be overcome.