Has anyone gone from being messy to tidy?

[Juliecloud]

I am a messy person. I admit it. I am a hoarder and I keep everything 'just in case' or to deal with later but then never do. Our house is constantly a mess and I live in fear of people dropping round unannounced.
So has anyone else managed to turn themselves around and is now a super tidy person? I've tried various things over the years, like fly lady or habit hacker, but I never stick to them. When I do, I feel like I spend all my free time cleaning!

I cannot see myself ever making the permanent change from being a messy person to a tidy person!

[Hennifer]

Penguin it sounds like there might be some sort of psychological stumbling block for you. I know my own mess house situation was a lot of 'brain says no' rather than being lazy or whatever. Part of me just felt like I couldn't, or shouldn't, do it.

It's something you can overcome with time. You may not even need to try - it might just untangle itself one day, and you will feel able to do it.

It's not your fault.

[penguinplease]

Yes I do have massive issues with stuff, I grew up in what would now be considered serious povety, I was very unloved and unwanted and it was made very clear to me that I was a mistake and that it was only the difficulty in obtaining an abortion in those days that ensured I was even born.
So I have always valued any stuff I have had, I console myself with clutter and new things, I am all sorts of messed up but knowing that does not help me deal with it.
I make endless lists, moved stuff around the house, box things up, buy storage/boxes etc but its awful, I am not even comfortable sitting down. My bedroom has piles of clothes all over, even one of my dcs rooms has a pile of stuff that is mine in there..
I'm sorry to have derailed the thread op and thanks for all the responses and kindness.
If only I knew where to start..

[Orangeanddemons]

I used to be really really untidy and messy. Now I'm the opposite, I just cannot bear mess or clutter, it unsettles me.

Living in a very small house at one point stopped me hoarding anything. Now I couldn't ever do it. I hate mess and debris. I have to have order and tidiness for my own mental health. But it took me a long time, about 20 years to reach that point. Until I was 30 everything was chaos.

[EmGee]

penguin

Just start by reading the book. I've actually only read the freebie bit on Amazon and I enjoyed what I read. Marie Kondo is not here to judge you but help you to get the home you want.

There are many posts on here asking 'where do I start?' that you are not alone.

[Hennifer]

Please do not apologise. You have been through so much. You have done nothing wrong and we just want to help - even by saying we would not judge you.

Have you ever had any counselling? I had some and it really helped me - it wasn't about messy houses. It was about other issues. It doesn't sound like you have anything at all to be ashamed about. Maybe if you could talk it through with someone impartial, it might help you see that xx

[Kewcumber]

I think the Kondo approach is very good with those of us who seem to have a psychological attachment to "stuff", I'd be interested to hear what you think of it. It;s bonkers but pleasantly so.

Storage is not the answer. I am always convinced that I have a storage problem when what I have is a "stuff" problem and a "Letting GO of Stuff" problem (you never know when you might need stuff

[Hennifer]

Storage can be a VERY useful stop gap though. I didn't begin to get rid of or sort through the thing I was keeping, until I had been at a new house for a while and had room to store some of it safely out of sight (we had had no attic or shed before)

It changed things a lot just to be able to break it down into small parts, and get on with living while it sat there doing nothing for a few months.

It meant I could go about my normal life, without wrestling with stuff everywhere, and also go through certain things in the house while not getting overwhelmed.

As soon as one lot was organised/disposed of/whatever, I had space again to grab another lot from the attic and start over. It meant that gradually the house, and the attic, got cleared and rationalised.

Part of it was that I inherited a whole house worth of stuff that I didn't have the heart to just throw away or give away. A good deal of it was rubbish, and that went the way of all rubbish, but lots was also very lovely and interesting, and processing it was important to me - no one else in the family wanted to do it.

I found it really fascinating. But now, not only have I got rid of a lot of that stuff, (lots to charity shops etc) but I've got rid of a lot of my own stuff too.

[madmomma]

This is a lovely thread. Penguin my heart goes out to you. Be gentle with yourself. With regards to kondoing one's clothes, what's the advice for weight-related decisions. I.e if you have lovely clothes that are too small but you're hoping to lose weight?

[Hennifer]

MM I've not explored Kondo - it sounds a bit like what I do already tbh - but for me, I think it is spectacularly unfair that women have tocope with so many potential body shape and size changes throughout life, due to our physiology.

I decide if I like an item of clothing, and if I do, I keep it regardless of the size, because I know I may change size again one day.

This has worked really well so far.

[madmomma]

Thanks hennifer that sounds good to me. I feel like I'm writing myself off if I get rid of my thin clothes

[madmomma]

Thanks hennifer that sounds good to me. I feel like I'm writing myself off if I get rid of my thin clothes

[Hennifer]

No you mustn't get rid of anything you actually want to keep! Only get rid of stuff you want to.

I know that sounds simplistic but you need to evolve the algorithm in your head, to the point where you can make a decision you will 95% of the time be happy with, or you end up with remorse. This is a very gradual thing for a lot of people.

I grew up with my mum encouraging me to throw away or give away anything and everything, even stuff I liked and was fond of. I had a tiny bedroom and so I did it - and then when my sister left home, who was never told to get rid of anything, I found a duplicate of everything I'd ever had, still safely stashed in her much larger room

It left me with a total mental block about making those decisions for myself - it's taken me till now to get to the point where I'm comfortable doing it at all. And for years I had to keep everything, till I could decide for myself.

My mum still hates having stuff and will chuck out anything that isn't nailed down...it was a bit of a victorious moment (for me) the other week when I went to her house, rooted around in the kitchen cupboards, and was able to declare that I had less stuff than her

She didn't know what to say!

[HamaTime]

Another Konvert here. My problem was a combination of laziness (which I still am) and clutter - which I largely no longer have. Getting rid of the 'just in case' junk and the stuff I kept because I already had it and it would be a 'waste' to get rid of it was a revelation. Having space in cupboards so I can easily put things away without having to ram them and therefore having clear surfaces means tidying and cleaning is easy. I used to have to spend ages moving stuff around in the bathroom and kitchen because they were so cluttered. I tried and failed Flylady, it was just reprinting the edifice.
I love the Kondo fb page, it's inspiring.

[stumblymonkey]

Penguin....where to start...

Why not just start with one little action...buy the first Kondo book and read it.

Nothing more, nothing less. Just focus on that as a first step and come back to the thread and let us know what you think of it once you've started?

[QuerkyJo]

jershaanddup.com/konmari-checklist-free-printable/

I am pushing this list all over mumsnet. I think it is an excellent way to start. Pick a tiny category each time you have some spare time.

Who knew that I would have 9 bottles of cough mixture. 7 packets of plasters, 78 knitting needles and 12 pairs of very ratty bed socks. It is only when you start to gather items in one place, that you realise how haphazard everything is.

My mental well being has improved now that everything has its place. My only regret is that I have nothing left to Kondo.

[MaybeDoctor]

I used to be pretty terrible at clutter and at one point even employed a pro for a day to help me.

Gradually I have got better and stopped buying stuff, have done my clothes quite ruthlessly (now have big spaces between hangers!) and made a fair bit of money on ebay - I find it quite motivational.

In a couple of weeks time I am likely to have 36 hours to myself so I am thinking of tackling my childhood boxes then. Thinking that I might burn some papers, in a brazier in the garden, as that seems easier than recycling them.

[QuerkyJo]

maybedoctor may I ask how you found someone to help to you Declutter?

My house is finished now and I was thinking that this is something I would enjoy doing professionally. I am retired and so will have lots of time. Not sure how to start.

[Kewcumber]

You could start with me! Are you in London?

[QuerkyJo]

Yes I am Kewcumber. Happy to meet up on neutral ground to begin with if you like.

[MaybeDoctor]

It was the early-ish days of the internet so she had a simple web page online.

I think that you can get insurance as a declutterer (cleaner?).

Why not set up a facebook page or twitter and see if you get any interest?

[TomTomKitten]

I'm in the process of a declutter. Have sold quite a bit of stuff on eBay. Once you start it has a bit of a snowball effect as you see the money start to come in. Listed items are sitting in crates on the landing. Anything that doesn't go after however many relistings will go to the charity. Determined to keep going and unstuff the whole house/garage. We're not too bad but I definitely have far too many clothes!

[cookiefiend]

I am messy too. One thing that works for me- some sentimental stuff I realised I like to look at as it reminded me of x y or z- so now if I feel I cannot throw something out I take a picture of it. Not everything, but things like the t-shirt from university clubs and societies etc- bulky and I would never wear.

[cozietoesie]

I thought about that but I've found it actually works better for me as a rich memory. I used to have to be able to think 'I have that in a drawer' whereas now I'm content with 'I had that in a drawer'. I'm sure there are items I've forgotten about entirely but for the things I do remember, there's just a fond nostalgia. An 'Oh I had one of those once.'

It works surprisingly well.

[ErnesttheBavarian]

If you're ever visiting Munich (like soon!) you can come and do me. Big time

[MaybeDoctor]

When I said that burning papers might be easier I meant emotionally 'easier' rather than recycling - I realise that recycling is easier and better from an environmental point of view.