Considering home ed for year 9 - advice please

[charly2830]

Hi, DD is currently in year 8 at a fee paying school. DS is older and has always thrived there. Please, no judgment, it was the right decision for him at the time even though I had never considered private school before. DD wanted to go there as her brother loved it so much, but she has had an entirely different experience.

Her year is full of entitled individuals who seem to think they can say whatever they like. They throw around homophobic and racist slurs like it’s nothing, and are really horrible to each other on social media. She has been unhappy since she joined, and only has one or two friends. It’s affecting her mental heath and she is in counselling. Her counsellor thinks she should move schools, but there are no places available in our local state schools and I can’t afford the more expensive fee paying ones. So my next option to look at was home schooling.

I suppose I am looking for some reassurance that this is possible for our situation. I work full time and, while I did well at school myself and can always help with homework, I am not convinced I have the patience to actually teach her. She and I clash regularly and she is a strong character so I am not sure I can get her to put in the work required - she is highly intelligent so we (me and her) want her to still do the full complement of GCSEs. To this end, I have been researching online schools with live lessons etc.

I am also concerned about the lack of in-person social interaction with her peers - how does this work with home schooling? She is already inclined to be a loner and spends a lot of time in her room on her own, but her friendships have always been very important to her.

Thanks in advance for any encouragement or advice anyone can give me if you’ve made it this far!

[Pashazade]

Some friends have had success with the online schools and if your daughter is motivated this sounds like a good plan. Minerva Virtual Academy has worked really well for one. There is a very helpful home Ed exam wiki (Google will find it) and also a Facebook group for home Ed GCSE's and alternatives. It's all doable, you just need to figure out what you have local with regard to exam centers and tailor your choices to that. Again exam wiki is very helpful in this front. You have to pay for your GCSE's but then this will be a fraction of private fees so shouldn't feel too painful.
Does she have any external activities that she can keep up. There may well be teen meet ups locally within the home Ed community. Depending on area there can be lots to do, if you have to work then usual extra curricular may have to be your route unless she can use public transport to get to things. Hopefully the friendships she has will continue. Bear in mind if she decides to go to 6th form then friendships could all shift anyway so the situation for the next couple of years may not be permanent in any way.

[titchy]

Why not apply for the local schools? The LA will have to find you somewhere. If it's not a school you like, appeal.

[Bollingerforbreakfast]

Was chatting about this kind of problem recently with some teacher friends and we all agreed some year groups are just bad luck for some students. Often if they move they are fine in another school. If you can't move schools I'd take her out, but apply to the state school asap and wait for a place to come up. Have you talked to the school extensively about it and have they tried eg a change of form/ teaching groups? Has she tried making better friends via clubs that suit her interests? Definitely don't leave her in that situation though

[BeneathTheSea]

In 2024 there is absolutely no need to bring in home tutors or pay online schools.
The information is all free online and easily accessible.
My son is self taught, l haven't had to get involved, he manages his own education and has done a great job, l would only have been a hindrance.
With regards to socialization, he does everything others his age do. He has a part time job, sees his friends, gets on really well with his older brother. The only difference is for a few hours a day he studies at home.
There are so many misconceptions regarding HE, many home educated students mix more, not less with others of all ages and all walks of life.
He is getting ready to sit his A Levels shortly and has been offered a place at Uni.
More importantly he is happy, relaxed, confident and looking forward to starting a new chapter.

[charly2830]

@titchy

Why not apply for the local schools? The LA will have to find you somewhere. If it's not a school you like, appeal.

Hi, we are trying that route too. Just looking into home Ed as another possible alternative. Thanks.

[charly2830]

@Bollingerforbreakfast

Was chatting about this kind of problem recently with some teacher friends and we all agreed some year groups are just bad luck for some students. Often if they move they are fine in another school. If you can't move schools I'd take her out, but apply to the state school asap and wait for a place to come up. Have you talked to the school extensively about it and have they tried eg a change of form/ teaching groups? Has she tried making better friends via clubs that suit her interests? Definitely don't leave her in that situation though

Yes, we’ve spoken to school a number of times. There are only two forms in their year group and both seem to have the same problems. The only friends she has are in her class so I am reluctant to move her to the other one. We have spoken to school a number of times but they seem reluctant to discipline the kids who are being mean due to various personal circumstances and also because they seem very weak when dealing with parents as I have a feeling a lot of them play the ‘but I’m paying your wages’ card!

[charly2830]

@Pashazade

Some friends have had success with the online schools and if your daughter is motivated this sounds like a good plan. Minerva Virtual Academy has worked really well for one. There is a very helpful home Ed exam wiki (Google will find it) and also a Facebook group for home Ed GCSE's and alternatives. It's all doable, you just need to figure out what you have local with regard to exam centers and tailor your choices to that. Again exam wiki is very helpful in this front. You have to pay for your GCSE's but then this will be a fraction of private fees so shouldn't feel too painful.
Does she have any external activities that she can keep up. There may well be teen meet ups locally within the home Ed community. Depending on area there can be lots to do, if you have to work then usual extra curricular may have to be your route unless she can use public transport to get to things. Hopefully the friendships she has will continue. Bear in mind if she decides to go to 6th form then friendships could all shift anyway so the situation for the next couple of years may not be permanent in any way.

I’ve been researching online schools today and I think that might be the way to go if we do deregister. The structure they offer could be what DD needs to continue her education rather than me trying to battle to get her out of bed every morning to work with me.

[usernamebore]

Just to say, we have just started at Minerva with our DS who has a lot of anxiety (as well as ASC) and have been really impressed. If your daughter is relatively able to self-motivate and can deal with online lessons, it might be a good idea. They have lots of social stuff (online and in-person) too, so this helps with any concerns re isolation. However, it gives kids a lot more control over who they interact with, and how they interact with them, which can help with social anxiety

[Riri100]

Hi Charly! This post really grabbed my attention, as we too are considering HE for our DD in year 9. We had an epiphany that we couldn’t saddle and stress about fees anymore, we kind of fell into private after she was severely bullied in her primary four years ago (terrible), now we are in the transition to senior school and to see her travel two hours a day on the bus and us bleeding cash in the process. We have to come to reality we need to rethink options. We don’t have a great option of LA where we are sadly, she missed the boat with grammar and this pressure wouldn’t suit her anyway. So we are exploring KIH and MVA atm. I would love to know what conclusion you came to and like you, we are really concerned about loneliness and the social side.

[charly2830]

@Riri100

Hi Charly! This post really grabbed my attention, as we too are considering HE for our DD in year 9. We had an epiphany that we couldn’t saddle and stress about fees anymore, we kind of fell into private after she was severely bullied in her primary four years ago (terrible), now we are in the transition to senior school and to see her travel two hours a day on the bus and us bleeding cash in the process. We have to come to reality we need to rethink options. We don’t have a great option of LA where we are sadly, she missed the boat with grammar and this pressure wouldn’t suit her anyway. So we are exploring KIH and MVA atm. I would love to know what conclusion you came to and like you, we are really concerned about loneliness and the social side.

Hi, we have finally bit the bullet and pulled her out. She finishes officially on Friday (she wanted to see her brother's leavers assembly). Since I'm still hoping she gets a place somewhere for September, I'm trying not to worry too much about live lessons and socialisation for now. We are organising a maths and English tutor in person, and she will follow BBC Bitesize for a while, along with some online lessons from Laugh Learn Play if we decide to. If she's still home ed'ing in September, then I'll look again at the online schools.
Whereabouts are you based? We are in West Yorkshire. It's such a difficult decision to make isn't it?!