Should I send him back to school ?

[Mumtoboys1]

I have a 9 y.o with ASD who was really struggling and it was a no brainer really to take him out and he was thriving since. We also have a 7 y.o who we decided to take out this school year in sept and everything has gone downhill since. Sibling rivalry is a constant but it's one step further with 9y.o being autistic and needing space ect and now he doesn't get a minute because his brother is always there. 9yo is quite reserved and likes to chill whereas 7yo is full of energy and tbh can be quite overbearing sensory wise for anyone. Everyday is a battle and I miss it when it was just my eldest at home, we would go out all the time and he was happy, it's hard for me to take them both out alone as 9yo will often run away when overwhelmed and 7yo ALWAYS triggers him. I was hoping the experience would bring them closer but it's not happened. Have tried endless times to explain autism to youngest but nothing seems to go through.

[cansu]

Why did you take the 7year old out of school? Presumably those reasons remain valid??

[ShittyGlitter]

That's rough. Why did you take the younger one out of school? Are there classes or home school meet ups the younger one could do?
There's day time sports club for kids that don't attend mainstream near me. Maybe something to help channel his energy?

[MyPenIsHuge]

Or use paid childcare for some hours so they both get time away from each other.

[Rysimo]

This happened to me when I took my youngest DS out of school to home educate alongside an older autistic brother.
We are almost a year in and its settled down now.
Give it more time and separate their lessons unless you already have done so.
I shower the youngest, get his work done with him while his brother reads a book. Then I distract him by giving him a tablet while I do his brother. Then lunch, then out for whatever in the afternoon. Meltdowns still happen but they are far, far less frequent.
Stick at it and all the best.

[PeoniesLilac]

Have tried endless times to explain autism to youngest but nothing seems to go through.

Probably because he's only a seven-year-old kid.

If there is no significant reason to keep him out of school then let him go back. It doesn't sound like the current situation works for anyone.

[p1ppyL0ngstocking]

Presumably the reason why you took your youngest out of school was because you believed you could provide a stronger educational and social setting for him with H.E.

If you're saying that's not the case, then yes, you should definitely send them back to school.

[ArnieLinson]

Also wondering why you took the 7 year old out of school.

how do you organise their days and their learning?

[Clearinguptheclutter]

Why did you take the 7yo out of school?

[Mumtoboys1]

We took 7yo out of school just because at the time we were going over reasons why school wasn't a good idea and it became a generalised opinion rather than just for our eldest, it is completely doable if I separate them a lot of times but I don't wanna have to do that /can't possibly do that and it's just seems now the reasons I took my eldest out are now redundant as he's not getting any peace or less sensory meltdowns ect as his brother is always on his back.

For example the library my eldest loves and loves reading but my youngest just doesn't listen and is always loud and shouting and makes rude comments about his brother while he's reading but I don't want him left out and mum guilt creeps in.

[Mumtoboys1]

@Rysimo thanks this is re-assuring. Do you have to keep them physically separated alot of the time ? This is something I'm struggling with regards to eldest sensory needs

[GoldLash]

I feel a bit sorry for your DS 7 missing out unnecessarily on all the positives that school has to offer like the social side which he clearly craves

[carly2803]

send him back to school

you cannot educated 2 kids fighting constantly it clearing isnt working

whats wrong with acutal school?

[InAMess2023]

Wow. Please send your younger child back to school for their own sake

[PeoniesLilac]

For example the library my eldest loves and loves reading but my youngest just doesn't listen and is always loud and shouting and makes rude comments about his brother while he's reading but I don't want him left out and mum guilt creeps in.

HS sounds like completely the wrong provision for your youngest son. I actually find this really uncomfortable to read.

Schools are flawed in many ways, but a child who is experiencing HS as you describe, needs to be back in school with all that provides him with.

[mynameiscalypso]

I'm not sure how your 9 year old is expected to thrive when he's being bullied by his younger brother. For both of their sakes, you need to send the younger back to school.

[DysmalRadius]

It's still early days but you clearly haven't found your groove yet and there's no shame in considering alternatives. Is there a physical activity/class that you youngest could do and your oldest could read while they're occupied for example? We have a cooperative that has plenty for all my kids - there's a quiet room, outdoor space, kitchen etc Do you know if there's anything like that near you? You don't have to do it all yourself all the time so maybe you just need to find the right combination of activities to meet everyone's needs. Good luck - it sounds tough but I'm sure you'll make the right choice.

[hellsBells246]

What are your teaching qualifications? Why do you think you can provide a better education for your 7yo than teachers can?

It didn't sound like he's learning anything at home with you. He'd benefit from school and being able to make friends.

[Sonrien]

@hellsBells246 teachers are trained to manage classroom's of 30 children and to deliver the national curriculum. Teaching your own children 1 or 2 to 1 is a completely different experience. I educated mine through to GCSE's. They got 14 grade 7-9s between 2 of them. Way more than the national average. I have zero teaching experience but I was invested in flexing my style to meet their needs. We are all neurodivergent. Schools aren't for everyone.

[InAMess2023]

Funny since schools aren't for everyone workplaces aren't for everyone either 🤨

[NamingConundrum]

OP school is a place many children thrive. Your youngest wants interaction, his brother doesn't. It would appear to me your oldest thrives at home but your youngest may thrive in a school environment with peers.

[Sonrien]

@InAMess2023, so true. As an adult we can choose where we work - have the agency to choose something that suits us.

[MumblesParty]

@DysmalRadius

It's still early days but you clearly haven't found your groove yet and there's no shame in considering alternatives. Is there a physical activity/class that you youngest could do and your oldest could read while they're occupied for example? We have a cooperative that has plenty for all my kids - there's a quiet room, outdoor space, kitchen etc Do you know if there's anything like that near you? You don't have to do it all yourself all the time so maybe you just need to find the right combination of activities to meet everyone's needs. Good luck - it sounds tough but I'm sure you'll make the right choice.

Yeah there’s a place where DS2 can go, with quiet area, outdoor space etc. It’s called school !

[Rysimo]

@Mumtoboys1 No I don't have to keep them separate apart from for learning. They both seem to need very focused 121 with me.
When they do play now, 9/10 it's absolutely fine. As I say only the occasional issue now.

I think some of the replies you have received on here are very unhelpful. Just do what you know is right for your children, what might fit one family may not suit another.
Give it more time and I hope it works out for you all.

[Saracen]

It's a tough situation. I haven't been in your shoes. I've seen other families go through similar.

It seems there is no single answer which works for every family. Some say things improve naturally with time, while others find that the parent has to work extremely hard to manage their children's relationships. Some find some respite within the home ed community in the form of activities which meet some of their kids' needs. Some find that it's better to have one of the kids in school.

What's best is whatever works for your own family now. I doubt any of us can be sure exactly what that would be, just based on your description; we can only offer some ideas of things to try. Your kids will change as they get older, and a different solution might be appropriate in a few years. Good luck.

[Saracen]

Would your finances allow for the younger one to go to a childminder (maybe even a home educating CM who could take him out to group activities) or an after school club for a few hours a day? Or you could employ a home educated teen to take him swimming or play with him in the park. That would give you and your older one a bit of peace, while meeting the younger one's need to be active and sociable.