Should I home ed my daughters?

[lovelysoap]

I have two daughters 11 and 4.
Both are adopted and have special needs. I have been through the DLA fight and i am now in the EHCP fight for both of them. They both have higher rate DLA and lower rate mobility DLA. Youngest is in nappies and non verbal and i have just been refused an EHCNA for primary school which i am appealing. Both have diagnoses. Oldest is being home schooled at our expense while we await whatever crappy inadequate EHCP they will throw at us.
The diagnoses, adoption and DLA process has taken it out of me and DH.
I am now in a never ending EHCP process for both children.
I feel like i am spending their childhoods in the study doing paperwork and snapping at them.
I feel like i have worked so hard on EHCP and so far nothing in return.
I am a stay at home mum carer. I am educated to masters level. Family income is circa 170K at the moment.

We have the space at home to home educate.
The case against: Its a hell of a responsibility to take on the education of two human beings.
Financial, we will be footing the bill to the tune of about 1k per month for years on end when we shouldn't have to.

For: i wont have to deal with professionals who just don't have a clue about child development or education or child centeredness or just having any sort of warmth towards children.
My to do list will almost disappear.
Kids don't have to get up and do school run which is stressful
Kids can wear their own clothes.
they get 121 with their tutor which they love
their attendance is 100%
loads of downtime to relax which is important and therapeutic for them
They don't have to spend loads of time on subjects they don't want to do, my eldest only really likes swimming so she just does that, she hates languages and drama so i can just drop those.
Schools are shit for a million reasons
My eldest just wants to learn and is bright and has told me she is learning more at home.
i can chop and change what we do, activities, tutor, online, trips out based on the age of my children and what they like
There is an explosion in high quality Home ed provision which you can buy in
The social side is now coming along as i set up groups etc and go to activities
Youngest seems to be doing better at home than at nursery
we can travel and visit relatives outside term holidays
My eldest has actually started to enjoy learning, she hated school and was behind.

I would really appreciate objective feedback.

[RatherBeRiding]

In your shoes I wouldn't hesitate. Your Pro list is a lot longer than your Con list although I don't really understand where you get that you will be spending 1k a month?

[bloodyeffinnora]

It seems I'm hearing more and more of people doing this. Your pros far outweigh the negatives, if you can afford it I would say go for it. Maybe they will need interraction with kids their own age in other ways though.

[Flatpackedboxes]

Absolutely do it.

[Untrained]

The change in my niece has been spectacular since she began to be home-schooled instead of going to her secondary school. She went from a very good, supportive primary to a large, impersonal factory of a secondary school and hated it almost from the outset. She has blossomed since being taken out of that environment.

[Dalriadanland]

If the problem is trying to make the school environment appropriate for them and you can easily provide an alternative then I would try it.

[Saracen]

Another pro I have heard from some adoptive parents is the attachment. They can spend all or nearly all of their time with someone who knows them extremely well and who actually loves them, rather than with a succession of people who may have professional qualifications but who do not share that close bond and do not necessarily really "get" them and their needs.

[Saracen]

"The case against: Its a hell of a responsibility to take on the education of two human beings."

It is. But you took on that responsibility when you adopted them, and it remains your responsibility whether or not you delegate it to the school system.

So I would put it to you that it is equally a hell of a responsibility to choose to send these two human beings to school when you have a choice to do otherwise.

There is a difference between the two situations. The difference is that when children are home educated and don't do well, everyone blames the parents. But when children go through the school system and don't do well, everyone blames the system, because people don't think of home ed as a viable option: they will say you did your best and that you had no choice. In that sense, keeping your kids in the system lets you off the hook for public blame. But you'll know better even if others don't. You'll know you did have a choice. I'm sure you care more for your children's well-being than about whether other people might point the finger at you.

[lovelysoap]

@RatherBeRiding

In your shoes I wouldn't hesitate. Your Pro list is a lot longer than your Con list although I don't really understand where you get that you will be spending 1k a month?

1k a month is :
private swimming lesson £33
6 hours private tutor per week £150
forest school £9
Cooking £12
Art every 2 weeks £12
online craft and lego £7
weekly supplies, books and trips out and memberships and social stuff £25

so at the moment probably more like £800 per month, 10K pa for 39 weeks

[PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister]

But you’re spending money on swimming / Lego / trips out regardless of whether they’re in school or not… you’re not suddenly spending less if they go to school.

[lovelysoap]

@PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister

But you’re spending money on swimming / Lego / trips out regardless of whether they’re in school or not… you’re not suddenly spending less if they go to school.

I would only be spending money on weekly swimming if she was in school so about £100 pm

[whatsappdoc]

An income of 170k and you're quibbling about the money? This is your daughters' wellbeing! The only con as far as I can see is your own life, career, satisfaction etc. would this suit you?

[Singleandproud]

£1000 a month for two children is vastly cheaper than sending them to private school which many on your household income would do.

It sounds like you have the funds to Home Ed in a very engaging way opposed to what is more common when families are near the povertyline trying to keep their heads above water and cannot provide their children with tutors and a long list of activities.

Go for it,if it doesn't work out it's a reversible decision

[LexRider]

I’ve experience of state school, home ed, and private school. Private school worked best for us but if my only choices were state or home ed I’d do home ed.

In your shoes I would definitely home ed, at least the four year old, but make sure you build time for yourself into the week. My problem when I was home edding was that it was idyllic for a while and then suddenly my children and I were absolutely sick of the sight of each other. As they get older they will need big chunks of time away from you and a 1 hr class a day may not be enough. I do know some home ed areas offer a full day or two of activities (eg ‘farm school’) so maybe checkout if there’s anything like that near you. (I’m talking about future years here, I’m sure it’ll be a long time before the 4 year old wants time away from you. I’m just saying don’t fall into the trap of thinking home ed means you should be with them most of the time.)

Also I don’t know how severe the SEN is but if you want them to GCSEs that is a very different home ed path than if you don’t.

[Phineyj]

I'd go for it! Even if you can make the EHCPs satisfactory (a long shot), think of the time you'll save on paperwork and meetings.

Later, once the DC are doing better, perhaps school options might open up. Sometimes DC can tolerate 6th form at 16 even if year 7 was out of the question. Or I hear InterHigh is good.

But might the EHCPs allow you to access EOTAS funding?

I'm at second appeal stage for EHCP for my DD but she does like school and I'm a teacher so can't realistically home school without giving up work. I mainly want to ensure she doesn't go under the radar and fall to bits at GCSE. I've seen it happen...

[lovelysoap]

@whatsappdoc

An income of 170k and you're quibbling about the money? This is your daughters' wellbeing! The only con as far as I can see is your own life, career, satisfaction etc. would this suit you?

I'm not working, both kids may never be independent, one definitely wont, we are relying heavily on my husband and if anything happens to him then just savings etc. We are Ok now but outgoings are high and stuff can happen in life and we know we will always need to support at least one child.
It is tough for me. I have given up my career, Home schooling is very involved, i feel like i am buried in kids needs 24/7. I barely have a day when i dont email, read, speak to a professional. Its very full on. If school was viable i would send them but what is on offer even with an EHCP is so poor and doesn't meet their needs.

[Helloandgoodmorning2]

There are many ways to home educate and ‘home schooling’ is only one. It certainly doesn’t need to be full on or cost a fortune. We had a more eclectic method focusing on the child’s interest. You don’t need to replicate a school environment at home. There are so many free resources. Museums, art galleries and libraries are really home ed friendly too, so use those. We loved our weekly library visit.

[lovelysoap]

I think my eldest will be able to complete probably 6 GCSE when the time is right, she is currently 2/3 years behind so she may need to do these when she is 16-18 during A level time. she is bright but learned not very much in school too busy being terrified and doing school part time. My youngest wont be able to do GCSE i doubt she will be able to do any qualifications or be independent. Neither child can cope without me at the moment especially the eldest. Me or my husband need to be physically present 100%.

I would love it if at 16 years old my eldest felt she could cope on her own at college to do GCSE's.

[KeepGoingThomas]

Personally, no, I wouldn’t EHE. If school is inappropriate I would pursue EOTAS. EOTAS can provide far more than the vast majority of parents can afford to fund EHEing. That is not a criticism of parents who EHE, more a statement of what EOTAS can include. A good EOTAS package will be well in excess of £1k per month. Most of your ‘for’ list can also be achieved with EOTAS.

As an aside, how does your 4y/o receive LRM?

[DogLover24]

Having a private tutor is totally unnecessary and you'll just have more issues under the circumstances. That's not really home schooling

[KeepGoingThomas]

Having a private tutor is totally unnecessary and you'll just have more issues under the circumstances.

That depends entirely on individual needs and circumstances.

[lovelysoap]

@KeepGoingThomas

Personally, no, I wouldn’t EHE. If school is inappropriate I would pursue EOTAS. EOTAS can provide far more than the vast majority of parents can afford to fund EHEing. That is not a criticism of parents who EHE, more a statement of what EOTAS can include. A good EOTAS package will be well in excess of £1k per month. Most of your ‘for’ list can also be achieved with EOTAS.

As an aside, how does your 4y/o receive LRM?

Edited

Thank you, she has been awarded an EHCP and they are currently drafting it. My preference would be EOTAS but i am doubtful i will get this. To be honest i am expecting a few crappy crumbs that i will then have to appeal.

What is LRM?

[lovelysoap]

@Helloandgoodmorning2 I agree i do a lot of organising, clubs and activities and social stuff and trips to library museum etc but i am not a teacher and don't want to teach my kids the subjects or topics. I need a teacher to help with that hence the tutor who is really good.

[KeepGoingThomas]

Personally if the EHCP is inadequate when it is finalised I would appeal. The majority of appeals are upheld. EOTAS can provide so much more than most parents can fund. 

LRM is low rate mobility. Can’t be received until 5. Unless you mean it has been awarded ready to begin once 5 - which is sometimes done when a 4y/o’s claim is looked at when they are nearly 5.

[lovelysoap]

@KeepGoingThomas

Personally if the EHCP is inadequate when it is finalised I would appeal. The majority of appeals are upheld. EOTAS can provide so much more than most parents can fund. 

LRM is low rate mobility. Can’t be received until 5. Unless you mean it has been awarded ready to begin once 5 - which is sometimes done when a 4y/o’s claim is looked at when they are nearly 5.

Sorry only my older daughter gets Mobility DLA at the lower rate.
Her EHCP has just been granted so i have a meeting next week with our solicitor to go through the draft and i have told them i want EOTAS.
This morning eldest is just in massive meltdown mode, could not attend private tutor, play date cancelled, playroom trashed. there is no way she can go to school, she struggles to get through a quiet day at home frequently.
Youngest has just been refused EHCNA which i am appealing
and it goes on..........................................

[KeepGoingThomas]

It is never ending, isn’t it? 

I mentioned the mobility element of DLA because I have previously come across a case where a child under 5 was incorrectly given LRM because of a DWP error. If it was also the case for you I thought it would be easier to sort sooner rather than later. Although it sounds like DD2 may be eligible for high rate mobility.