Seriously thinking about Home Ed

[wongy]

My ds age 9 has Aspergers Syndrome, although he sort of copes at school over the last fews years he has found school stressful, especialy at the beginning of each school new year with the new teacher and surroundings etc. Teachers struggle to get him to stay concentrated and do his work, he then distracts other children and has to go into time out to finish his work or becasue he has got into trouble, I have meetings over the years with the Head and teachers, they all seem to want to help (lip service i think) but then he seems to get ingnored. His teacher now, is young and in a class of 30 children and Im told they have alot of characterss in the class(teachers words), hes just not coping and has asked me if he can be home schooled.
My husband and I are self employed, the 2 of us work together and my Ds comes to work with us in the hols.he has is own Tv and pc there. So it got me thinking maybe Home Ed could work. We can be flexible at work to a degree. So we can do the outdoor stuff too. He struggles with friendship and says he wont miss his class mates. He goes to drama and I would plan for him to have music lessons. Interested if anyone is in a smilar situation.

[AlwaysDancing1234]

Thanks nettles that's an interesting perspective on it

[knittingwithnettles]

My experience is that when you are home educating for a short time, applying for an EHCP causes a lot of disruption. I really regret spending so much of my emotional energy on it at a quite critical time in ds's new life; I really resent that the bureaucrats stole that from me [rueful].

So just that mild caveat! EHCP process puts a lot of child's difficulties in the spotlight when you are trying to approach things in a more positive way and work to their strengths. I applied last Spring and it is still isn't finalised, so many meetings and assessments just so that we can dovetail back into their tiresome system

You may find of course that when you put your child back into school you have a much better awareness of his needs, which can inform the school SEN department; certainly I have a lot more confidence about what ds can and cannot do now.

I do also know of one home educating mother who works and pays childcare to take her child to local groups/activities on a few days, that seems to work too (although not my way of doing things) She mentioned that in previous years there had been plenty of child swops too that left her time to work shifts.

[AlwaysDancing1234]

Thank you Saracen for your knowledge and the link. I'm the sort of person who likes to read and (try to) absorb everything I can on a subject so I can be confident I know what I'm talking about if questions are asked.

We had what DS called a "HomeSchool Trip" today to Science Museum and Natural History, he had a whale of a time and I gave him an old digital camera to take photos so we can make a scrap book over the weekend. He didn't enjoy it when he went with school as dislikes being hearded about in a group but LOVED it today and we just pottered about at his pace. He asked lots of intelligent questions and I was impressed with his science knowledge. (Proud Mum icon )

[Saracen]

but those guidelines to which QueenStreaky linked are the best thing to read. That is the most recent guidance document issued to LAs telling them what they should be doing with respect to home ed, so it still applies.

[Saracen]

And you can even have it confirmed by the DfE in response to a Parliamentary question a few weeks ago: "Local authorities do not have a general responsibility to monitor the education provided by parents, for the purposes of ensuring that parents are meeting their responsibilities."

www.parliament.uk/business/publications/written-questions-answers-statements/written-question/Lords/2016-01-19/HL5209/

[AlwaysDancing1234]

Some bedtime reading, thanks Queen Streaky

[QueenStreaky]

Schools rarely know the law regarding EHE because it doesn't concern them, so they make assumptions that are frequently inaccurate .

If you haven't already, read the 2007 Guidelines so you know all about rights and responsibilities on both sides, then you will be better prepared to argue your case if you ever need to.

[AlwaysDancing1234]

Thanks again Crazy Queen and om you've all been marvellous

We are in England, it's just school worried me by saying we may need to provide evidence of ongoing education to LEA.

I've let DS choose worksheets, do stuff on coding websites which he loves, nothing too heavy and he's actually asked for more French worksheets so he's enjoying picking and choosing. We made a 'HomeSchool' folder together and I'm keeping worksheets and adding in a sheet at the end of the day with diary notes.

Will look in to EHCP. Started down the assessment route for ASD with sensory processing disorder but as we are moving next month it's ground to a halt as they said wait til we move and get re-referred to new healthcare authority etc. So more waiting.

[CrazyLoopholeInTimeAndSpace]

We use a program called skedtrack. If you are doing more unschooling you can use it too via the hobby log. Then you can just print a report

[QueenStreaky]

Yep, that's what I did, and when I sent a report to the EHE officer I included a list of stuff we'd done. Keeping a diary is a useful reference, and very easy to look back on your activities rather than trying to remember it all at report time.

[ommmward]

... Without your child even being aware of it.

[ommmward]

You can keep a record of learning without imposing formal adult led "work". You can keep a diary where you make a note of the educationally valuable activities and conversations that happened each day, without your

[QueenStreaky]

Always I'm guessing you're in Wales, if you have to provide evidence? In England it's not necessary according to the 2007 Guidelines, though some LAs will disregard that and try to implement their own policies. However, if you're intending him to go back into school within 18 months it probably is sensible to keep him up to speed academically.

Have you considered applying for Education Health and Care plan (EHCP)? I would recommend you think about it, soon and before you have to return to work, so that you can have a documented history of need and guaranteed support for him from the outset. If not, you'd have to start from scratch once he's in school and it could take months before proper provision is in place. It IS do-able whilst home educating (don't let your LA tell you otherwise) - I did it to get my son proper support for college.

Actually, if you ARE in Wales I think it's still statements, but don't quote me as I'm not up to date on Welsh legislation (Saracen will put me right - she knows everything).

[AlwaysDancing1234]

om I understand why you are shouting about that, makes sense.

However, I've been told that we'll need to prove (to the LEA / council people) that DS is getting a proper education at home so I've started a little folder to record any "lessons" we've done during each day. Trying to keep it light and have let DS choose what to do.

Also under a lot of pressure from family who think we're allowing DS to "just stay home and mess about". They don't seem to understand he learns so much just by asking random questions. For example he saw someone on TV wearing a turban which started a discussion and Google search about Sikhism.

QueenStreaky it's good to hear from someone with an older child who has come through HE successfully. Trouble is I will need to return to work within the next 18 months so we will be looking for another, more suitable school place.

[CrazyLoopholeInTimeAndSpace]

Late to this thread,but ds has hfa and ADHD and we pulled him out at age nine. We are almost a year in (omg!) and he is. A. different. child.
The anger, violence, anxiety is gone. He is off his medication, he tics less. Yes he still has 'days' but less and they are more manageable. And his anxiety is not all consuming. We can sit down take it out and examine it. Talk it over. Work through it.
He is working much more at his level, in subjects he in interested and excited by.
Like fuzz pig I have always been pro he and dread to think what we would have done if ds had needed to stay unschool. Certainly his mental health would have broken down.
Our area is fab for social things,there are maths classes in small groups for all ages, same for science. There are events every week and you could be out every day if you wanted to, going to classes or events or meet ups or just to adventure playgrounds! For the older group there are GCSE classes too.

[QueenStreaky]

I know, it's a scary thought isn't it?

Ds was having a horrendous time in school (we'd tried two before we dereged), physically restrained, no support to prevent incidents, bullied - even his GP recommended we consider HE for the sake of his mental health. And he had no statement and the school refused to support an application, so we knew there would be no chance of getting one and the help it should bring. It scares me to think how awful his future would have been if we hadn't had this option.

[fuzzpig]

Oh yes I am totally awestruck! :o We've always been very much pro-HE - I used to hang out on this board when DD was a toddler as we strongly considered it from the start. And yet I still just cannot get my head around what a massive improvement there has been in their lives (and mine, actually) and how much they are learning. :) :)

I was thinking the other day, what on earth would we have done if it was illegal like in Germany. I couldn't stand to keep DCs a moment longer when I finally reached the end of my tether with the schools they were suffering in. What would we have done... emigrated?!

[QueenStreaky]

Absolutely! I reckon we've probably done the best we could, under the circumstances, for ds. He's a very confident, happy, sociable 17 year old with a good batch of GCSEs, and I can't put a price on that. Sure there are gaps but he may never have filled them, however he was taught/raised/supported. You just never know what might have been, or what is yet to come - you just have to do the best you can with the tools and environment at your disposal, then wing it .

I do love to read other people's experiences of HE, especially people like you fuzzpig who are fairly new to it and still somewhat awestruck at how amazing HE can be, and how much their children are getting from it. We're SO lucky in this country that HE is a legal option, don't you think?

[fuzzpig]

Exactly, no home ed is perfect for every child just as no school is perfect for every child. I love that it's so much easier in home ed to be tailored to each child and that's got to be even more important when ASD is involved. I still feel like we're finding our feet and we've been going nearly a year now (which I really can't believe!) and I think our style will always be evolving. But no matter what their learning style is or what subjects they end up learning, it's got to be nowhere near as important as the fact their mental health is so much better. :)

[QueenStreaky]

I often wonder how different things might have been for ds if we'd properly unschooled. When we first started HE (and indeed throughout most of it), ds really craved structure and routine, which is typical for his autism and ADHD. So I gave it - we had a timetable and planned activities and set times for 'work', and at first he engaged very well. But in time that lessened (teenage hormones, no doubt) and he never did reach that point of being self-motivated, driven, pursuing his own interests, asking questions. It's hard to know if that's who he is anyway or he would have developed differently if I'd fought against his need for structure and made things more relaxed in the beginning. He might be just made that way.

Mind you, we didn't 'work' solidly - there was a lot of fun and downtime too, and some HE meets. To be fair though we did have to spend a lot of time at home to begin with because he struggled socially at first, and was quite aggressive with other people (the consequence of his school experience, unfortunately), and the local HE meets were too relaxed and unsupervised for him to cope with. There were just so many issues to address that it was difficult to know where to start.

Still, he's where he is now and I'm certain he wouldn't have done so well if he'd stayed in school. Even if it's not the outcome I'd hoped for, it's still better than it could have been.

[Saracen]

Yes! Fantastic posts from ommmward and fuzzpig. Some kids do really thrive on structure. A timetable to let everyone know what is happening can be compatible with a break from academic work. For instance, the timetable (which the two of you can make together) could include such events as breakfast, downtime reading or drawing or building with Lego, walk dog / go out for fresh air, housework, screen time, board games, listen to music.

[fuzzpig]

I agree with om :)

TBH when my DD came out of school, I spent a while terrified I'd done the wrong thing (in her case, she did actually like some aspects of school). The anxiety, the panic, the anger, the violence got WORSE for a while.

But you know what, it was essential for that to happen. Looking back on it I can see it was basically like detoxing. All the bad stuff she'd been bottling up at school was finally allowed to spill out, and oh boy did it spill out. But it was a good thing, in the end. She is an utterly different child now. She was able to battle through it because she wasn't forced into a place where she felt so unsafe.

I admit we did do a little work - like some other children particularly those on the spectrum, my DCs freaked out a bit at the idea of it not looking ANYTHING like school - they had enjoyed a lot of the learning they'd done at school. Some of my friends have found the same, others have children so utterly traumatised by school that any structure at all is out of the question years later (due to PTSD). I still had the deschooling process in the front of my mind though (thanks in large part to posters on this thread who talked me through it all) and on the days they wanted to 'just' play, I learned to let them (not without a few clashes - DD was definitely finding her voice which had been so heavily silenced at school). We kept it flexible and crucially I became able to accept when something wasn't working (I have AS myself; spontaneity does not come easily to me and honestly I am learning as much as they are in many ways). It was difficult because DD had left a couple of good friends behind and so we made the effort to see them, but she got really upset when they kept saying she had to go back to school etc.

I love the idea of 'just in time' education, we have really been embracing that. We are not unschooling, I'd describe us as semi-semi-structured (or demisemistructured if you're musical) :o but I love how easy it is to follow their interests rather than deciding myself, or using a curriculum to decide what they should learn. They have become so much more curious since they left school, it's wonderful.

A few examples:

We did a project on blood because DS pointed at his veins and asked what those blue things were. They really enjoyed that; DD chose 'phagocytosis' as one of her favourite words for her group writing class the other day (at the time it had also helped her out of her fear of germs - we found a video taken through a microscope of the process actually happening!).

The other week they were talking about those things you use to look out of submarines, so I've got some mirror tiles and we're going to make periscopes with toilet roll tubes, talk about reflection which I guess will involve learning about angles (I bought a protractor anyway in preparation :o).

Due to the weather there's been a lot of wondering about how rain happens and why there are floods (not here, thank goodness, but they saw it on the news) - cue lots of talk about the water cycle, evaporation experiments and talk about the environmental effects of less grass and more paving. Temperature, freezing point etc will also mean negative numbers :o

DH and I do come up with ideas ourselves as we enjoy it (a lot of people have asked me how I manage thinking of things to do... honestly it is a dream come true for me! I'll be taking a group art class soon too) and we take up loads of opportunities from the news (eg doing space because of Principia etc) and I now check the Google Doodle every day in case it's something interesting - but they constantly surprise me with their questions and observations.

I'm learning to step back more and more. For example the other day the DCs were playing outside with the ice shards that had formed in our water butt, and I was listening to them thinking ooh, what question should I ask them to see if they remember what we'd done about the water cycle... while I was silently thinking, they started discussing which bits would melt and then evaporate faster according to where the sun was, that kind of thing. So I was glad I hadn't asked them myself. These are the kind of little conversations that have always happened (thanks to DH especially, he's much better at that kind of chat), but have increased a hundredfold since they came out of school. Learning has become fun again rather than just something they had to do because the teacher told them (and in my DD's case, something they'd no longer discuss with their schoolfriends, as they'd get nothing but scorn in reply). I really think holding back on the structured work helped with that.

[ommmward]

I'm going to shout at you for a moment: LET HIM RECOVER FROM SCHOOL BEFORE YOU START IMPOSING ANY KIND OF EDUCATIONAL STRUCTURE ON HIM!!!! rule of thumb is one month for every year he spent in school. Spend that time doing fun things, going to the park or supermarket, answering his questions, going to the zoo or local museums, beginning to find your feet socially in your local home ed community. After That you can put timetables and formal work expectations on him if you want, or you may have begun to observe how much he learns just by being in the world and asking questions (one of mine very recently - in the middle of a completely non-academic activity - suddenly started asking what happens if you do 5 minus 6. So we improvised a number line and learned about negative numbers. It won't be forgotten, and it was completely understood because it was the child who wanted to understand the concept and was asking questions to enable them to grasp what was going on. In school, they'd have had years of number lines being drilled into them by this point, but we just pulled that tool out at the moment when the child needed it. Call it "just in time" education 😊

[AlwaysDancing1234]

Thank you Saracen we are slowly adjusting to our new version of normal.

DS being a bit difficult this morning when I asked him to do some work.

We sat together and wrote some "HomeSchool" rules that we both have to follow and will have a proper timetable (he needs to know what's happening clearly ).

It's going to take awhile to adjust but anything has got to be better than seeing the pain and anxiety on his face at the start of each school week.

[Saracen]

Oh AlwaysDancing1234, it's great that your son already feels happier. I'm sure the school's reaction is confirming your view that they don't get it and never would.

Good luck and don't hesitate to come here to chat / offload or whatever you need!!