This sounds really wanky - but help me with my obsession re. getting a first (think I am a tw*t)

[hmc]

I already have a couple of degrees (don't know why I feel I have to say that, I think I am an intellectual snob and don't want anyone to think this is my first degree because I couldn't cut it at school ...why am I like this???)

Anyways - am currently doing OU History degree (started in Feb) - to keep my mind ticking over and something for me (as a SAHM - because...so easily... you can loose your sense of self)

Have done level 1 module and am awaiting result ...but it is only level 2 and level 3 courses which count toward degree classification. For some reason am obsessed with getting a first (got 2:1 in my first degree). All good so far - first three assignments for my first level 2 course have achieved the required 85%+...but this doesn't come easily, I literally sweat blood to get these marks

So, everybody else on the course forum just wants a pass and I am having kittens over every assignment and forthcoming exam desperate to maintain 85% plus. Next assignment due on 14 August but kids break up from school next Wednesday....am mega stressed as I can see my mark for next assignment suffering (no time - pushy ankle biters). Being mean and intolerant to children atm as I want to study

Help me get some perspective. I keep saying to myself - you are doing this for 'fun' and yet you are making a meal of it...but am still obsessing

Am causing my own pressure. How do I persuade myself that it doesn't matter if I don't get a first?

Sorry a bit pissed and sound like a prat - but genuinely, this issue (as trivial as it may sound) is causing me grief - am not looking forward to school summer holidays because of it

[hockeypuck]

I agree madwonman, it is baffling that Anna would see fit to comment on what has been an otherwise constructive and supportive thread. As a harassed studying mother myself, I am a heck of a lot better mother than I was when I was depressed and miserable that I had nothing I was working towards and didn't know what to do financially and for my career once the children went to school. As a harassed studying mother, I plan times to study and I plan times to be with my kids with no distractions. Before studying all too often I was pretty directionless, especially in the long school holidays and didn't do nearly as much with the children as I do now.

The bottom line is, if studying for something is giving something to you, self-esteem (which I think is the issue here with a lot of us, myself included), financial benefit, interest, relief from boredom, breadth of knowledge, whatever, then it is beneficial to us and thus beneficial to our family in the long run.

[madwomanintheattic]

lol, anna, how do you square your advice on this thread to stop 'running away', and face up to our (more constructive) parenting responsibilities, to your advice on the thread yesterday to the 19yo?

why is it ok for that poster to leave her 1yo dd with the child's grandparents for a year or two (at least) so that she can move to cambridge to study, but not ok for us to study whilst we are actually bringing up our children ourselves?...



(apologies for introducing thread about a thread stuff...)

i have no issues either way with the 19yo lol - if i was her i'd have contacted the uni and asked about their nursery facilities and child-friendly accom - it's her decision what she does. i'm just baffled as to why you are adamant that some women with children should not be studying, whilst other women with children are encouraged to leave their kids with someone else and study full time away from 'home'?

genuinely curious. i'm assuming it is some sort of 'standard of care' issue? loving grandparents trump harassed studying mothers?

[hmc]

Goodness - I think I might need to slit my own throat, BonsoirAnna has really shocked me to the core. How will I look my children in the eyes tomorrow. I'm so inadequate (PMSL)

[madwomanintheattic]

lol, this reminds me of 'avenue q'... 'what do you do with a BA in english?/ it sucks to be me..' repeat ad infinitum.

(erm, yes, i do have a BA in english. dh and mates nearly wet themselves in the theatre )
rhetorical q by the way - have plenty of my list of 'things to do' lol, it's narrowing it down that seems to be the issue...

[kathyis6incheshigh]

Very bizarre to suggest the degree is 'redundant' when it is likely to open the door to stimulating and interesting part-time work.

[Molesworth]

Christ, there are some rude people on mumsnet. The OP's degree is not 'redundant'. What a ridiculous thing to say.

[BonsoirAnna]

I'm not sure that my definition of placing a high value on education and hence being a good parent role model would include "being mean and intolerant to children atm as I want to study". Nor would it include redundant degrees.

I think that the OP is running away from herself, not finding herself (as she seems to think) in her current degree.

[ihavenosecrets]

BonsoirAnna. I totally get where the OP is coming from.

So the OP is not using her time constructively? Surely showing your children that you place a high value on education is a good thing isn't it?

[Niecie]

hmc - your are right, it is flexible - I had already thought of doing it myself, for just that reason, before you lot came along and jumped on the band wagon.

The reason for the link was just to prove that you don't need to put yourself under pressure to get a first to teach with the OU.

However, I doubt it will make much difference to your need to get one for yourself, will it?

[BonsoirAnna]

Why do you feel that you lose your sense of self as a SAHM? What "self" are you finding in your (redundant) OU degree?

You might find yourself if you spent more constructive time bringing up your children!

[madwomanintheattic]

at least you know there are many many scarily anxious and equally needy students - 'twill stop you feeling quite so lonely

now get back to work - the dcs must be in bed - you've got a first to work your butt off for

or maybe just have a nice glass of red...

[hmc]

Well I am very pleased to have been of assistance - in opening up the idea of OU tutoring to so many of you as a potential job opportunity!

Seriously though, it's a very flexible role and compatible with family life - isn't it!

[hockeypuck]

hatwoman - My DH has just finished his MSc at Loughborough. He did it whilst working full time and by distance learning. It was pretty good actually because they sent him a decent file of course materials for each module and he worked through them. He did have to go to Loughborough roughly once each semester though to do his exams - but I guess not all modules are exam based and you could choose ones that were coursework for some masters I think. He certainly had better course materials from them than I have had for my MSc at a "Russell Group" (note poncetastic saying that I learned from mumsnet). However, the support I've had from the tutors face to face for my MSc has been invaluable and I really don't think I could have managed without it.

It's horses for courses really, but I'm glad I am not doing distance learning as I like feeling part of the department and popping in when I need to see someone.

I am very tempted by the OU tutoring in crime and justice though - the new position. However, for the first year of the PhD (ESRC funded) I have to do an MSc in research methods which will be very much full time hours, so I think taking on tutoring this year would be a mistake. I'll definitely consider it for next year though so thank you for the link. I gather from other PhD students though that you can get as much lecturing/tutoring/marking as you can manage in years 1 and 2 of the actual PhD, so that's good cash too.

[kathyis6incheshigh]

LOL Hatwoman, ours don't have to come to the campus but we always lure them. We make our seminars impossible to resist.

[hatwoman]

just in case it interests people - dh is starting a distance-learning msc at Loughborough in the autumn - done by module, paid for a module at a time, done over pretty much whatever period you fancy. and no need to go to Loughborough at all. (unless he's been telling me porkies...)

[madwomanintheattic]

i'm sure it won't alter their demographic too much, but it might raise a few eyebrows to receive quite so many speculative enquiries in one afternoon lol...

[Molesworth]

That's interesting about the OU PhD: I thought you had to live in the vicinity of Milton Keynes!

[ihavenosecrets]

I do that madwomanintheattic. I dream that I am about to sit my GCSE examinations and I haven't studied at all. When I wake up and realise that I am 36 it feels strangely depressing.

My senior school years were a waste of time for me and although I have since passed other qualifications and am about to embark on an OU course I have no idea of my true ability. I will soon find out!

[Fennel]

My friend I know best who's doing it goes about once a month, she struggles with childcare for this as Milton Keynes is a long way from here. She goes to a research group at a local uni because she was feeling too isolated - that's how I know her.

You need to think about feasibility of going to MK fairly often, also about isolation, lack of other students to chat to.

[madwomanintheattic]

i still have anxiety dreams about my 'a' levels lol. i'm 38. and i did pass them. i always wake up terrified i'm going to fail and dreading my results, and then it gradually dawns on me i took them 20 years ago...

i can't believe i admitted that.

[Katisha]

One of my anxiety dreams is that I am about to do an exam that I have done no work for, but the worst thing is that I have no idea why I am doing the course...

[fluffles]

this thread is great - we're all so clearly crazy

i am doing an OU course in prep for an MSc starting in September, i already have a BSc and MSc in other subjects.

i am finding i'm a bit of a perfectionist but NOT in terms of marks (although tmas have all been 80-89%) but in terms of doing it 'properly'.

i really want to learn the subject so i'm reading EVERYTHING - even when we were told that four of the topics were not going to be examinable i just couldn't bring myself to skip them

[madwomanintheattic]

how often do you have to fetch up in milton keynes? kids are at school and from september i'm going week on/ week off on part time hours

... i've been trying to study up to the point that i can drop the other work and look for tutoring opportunities - i'm nearly there lol and the OU thing looks very interesting... if it was an option it might help with the 'where to apply' conundrum...

[Fennel]

I know people doing PhDs with the OU, while doing teaching for them too. In my subject area they have some excellent and very well known tutors/supervisors.

Distance phds with children can be quite hard though, a lot of people start them and give up finding they just don't have the time, over a number of years, especially if they have to work as well.

[madwomanintheattic]