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So they're back, with all their stuff! What do you do?
41

WonderWine · 17/06/2022 11:22

Long day yesterday, 350 mile round trip picking up DS from uni. Turned up at lunchtime to find he wasn't quite as 'all packed up' as we'd hoped and spent four hours packing, cleaning & clearing. Was touch and go as to whether we'd get it all in the car + roofbox (thank goodness I'd taken the vacuum bags for bedding etc!)

And this morning DH & I have unpacked it all into the hall (DS still 😴) as we need the car and we're looking at it thinking 'what do we/DS do with all this stuff'?

On one hand, I want DS to deal with it - washing, sorting, putting away (where?) but then I know it's going to take AGES and much nagging.

Do you get involved? Does stuff get sucked back into the home, or just piled up somewhere waiting to be taken back again in September?

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DisgruntledPelican · 17/06/2022 11:26

This is why I moved straight from halls to a flatshare!

Clearly DS should do it.

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WonderWine · 17/06/2022 11:30

Yes, DS will certainly unpack clothes, bedding etc and do his washing, but he won't know what to do with a crate of crockery/cooking utensils etc unless we tell him.
DH & I are now in a stand off about how much space should be made available in the garage for this (him = none & me = a lot)

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MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 17/06/2022 11:31

Yes ds should do it but we tries that one year and it's not happening again.

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DialsMavis · 17/06/2022 11:32

DH has gone to collect DS today from halls, his situation is a bit different as he is moving into housework share at end of July as he doesn't fancy paying for a house in a cool city all summer but being at home following our rules 😂. I have told him to just bung his stuff in the attic and crack on with his washing. In reality I will absorb some of his washing into ours as he will just take over the washing machine, and try and get away with tumble drying it when we are out 🙄

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DialsMavis · 17/06/2022 11:33

house share, there will be very little house work

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DialsMavis · 17/06/2022 11:33

Bung all in garage

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Chasingsquirrels · 17/06/2022 11:35

He can take it to his room, and he can deal with it there.

If he wants to store it elsewhere he can ask you if there is space anywhere (the stuff my ds wont use until he goes back - cooking stuff etc - is in boxes in the spare room waiting to go back) and you can advise accordingly if you have space.

If he doesn't deal with it then he is the one that has to live in his room with it - so not your problem.

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HarvestFly · 17/06/2022 11:36

My DC1 just came home after 1st year a couple weeks ago,
She and I loaded everything into dishwasher and washing machine to give it a proper cleanHmm
Then repacked it all in boxes and bags and put into attic until September, Don't know what we'd do if we didn't have an attic though!

I've managed to squeeze the duvet and pillows into airing cupboard.

However her bedroom is still a bit of a tip as she's gradually trying to find space for extra clothes and assorted tat she's bought!

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MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 17/06/2022 11:38

We've never been able to co ordinate moving from halls to flat share. Where do is accomodation starts frown September and halls are only 42 weeks of the year.

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dolphinsarentcommon · 17/06/2022 11:39

Buy very cheap duvets and towels and don't bring them back was something I learnt after the first year

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JuneOsborne · 17/06/2022 11:40

I'd be investing in really useful boxes on the sizes that are useful for his type of stuff and stack it all somewhere. 1 neat pile (hopefully). I'd also just put all the washing either in the machine and just do it, or in his room as it is for him to sort when he can be bothered.

Whichever I chose, I'd just do it and not think any more of it. This is the type of thing that can really get to you, isn't it? So I'd deal with asap and then forget about it. Even if that means dumping it all in your son's room, even if he's sleeping!

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WonderWine · 17/06/2022 11:52

dolphinsarentcommon · 17/06/2022 11:39

Buy very cheap duvets and towels and don't bring them back was something I learnt after the first year

That's so bad for the environment though, unless they get reused/ recycled?

Have to say, the uni were very good with places to drop off all manner of stuff which was then being distributed to homeless charity/ food bank/ charity shops etc

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sillysmiles · 17/06/2022 11:56

I assume he is going to need the boxes of crockery etc next year?

Everything into his room and close the door. As he washes/launders duvets etc - into vacuum bags for Sept.

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DoomPoodle · 17/06/2022 12:20

My daughters rented storage units near their uni houses when they were moving. Saves trying to fit everying into a far too small car. Sometimes they've shared a larger unit with friends.

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Comefromaway · 17/06/2022 12:25

When dd left halls last year she had to be all packed up as we were not allowed in due to restrictions at the time!

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Motnight · 17/06/2022 12:26

Dd did all the packing herself at one end. Stuff came home all in boxes. She took what she immediately needed to her room. The rest went still in boxes to the cupboard underneath our stairs. Some more was taken by her when she moved out but several boxes remain unpacked 😂

I did the mountain of washing simply because dd had done everything else and I don't mind washing 😂

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Numbersarefun · 17/06/2022 12:26

My DD’s just home from uni and she’s been at Oxford so has been in college for the 3 years and has always had to empty her room at the end of each term. We help her to put all her stuff in her room and then it’s up to her!
She’s living in a house next year so we won’t have to go at the beginning and end of each term!!

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MonsterKidz · 17/06/2022 12:30

I have seen this time and again with various siblings moving back to my parents. As others have said, some time to box up the essentials he will taking back but are unneeded until then and somewhere to store if possible (garage, spare room, attic, utility etc) would be ideal. Everything else into his room and not your problem.

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WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 17/06/2022 12:47

If your DS is old enough to live independently at uni, he is old enough to sort his own shit out. Don't enable him to be a lazy man expecting someone else to run round after him. Get him told! (Not unsympathetic, my DCs can be a fucking nightmare too. I think the word "nagging" is very misogynistic though and really dislike it).

We have exactly this problem of space too. And we have more DC than bedrooms (DCs coming back share a room which doesn't help). Understairs has a freezer in it. No garage or usable attic. We have vacuum packed all bedding and towels (like hell would I buy cheap and replace yearly!) and winter clothes and DCs spent ages fitting bowls into saucepans etc to reduce volume in storage boxes. The cats have had to give up their under bed homes - I'm more worried about the cats than the DC Grin

Let's not even mention the food bills.....

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WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 17/06/2022 12:50

Funnily enough they haven't bought any intact glassware back with them...apart from a couple of IKEA shot glasses Grin

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Wolfiefan · 17/06/2022 13:02

He needs to start taking responsibility. Why on earth wasn’t he packed up?
DS should unpack. Not you. Either when he arrives home or ASAP the day after. Wake him!
DH getting DS now. We won’t be dealing with his stuff. Clothes and bedding away. Crockery etc staying in a box in his room until next academic year.

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SandyIrvine · 17/06/2022 13:10

DD more organised this term. She had everything all packed up before we arrived and room cleaned.. So no sweary Glaswegian husband!!

Had borrowed a huge wheelie trug so only one trip to car required. We dropped her at BF's flat with everything she needs for summer and brought the rest back. I did the washing (10 loads) and dumped everything else in her old room (shut the door). When she came home for a brief visit got her to sort out what needs to go back in September, what later in the year, what needs to be stored longer term and what needs to go to the charity. So everything now in cupboards, loft and garage and in theory should be easy to find in September.

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DialsMavis · 17/06/2022 13:15

DH has just reported that DS was pretty much ready apart from things we had to send boxes down for as he has accumulated more stuff. But DS had to clean the filthy kitchen as all other flatmates had left it for him, probably his fault for not taking the bin out all year and always being out with his mates. DH helped with finishing touches but wasn't asked to.

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Greensleeves · 17/06/2022 13:19

DS is hiring a storage locker for the summer. We're going down next week to help him move all the stuff across town into storage, then he'll be coming home on the train a few days later (he's going to his GF's for a bit first). We don't drive for medical reasons so this is the best way for us.

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adorablecat · 17/06/2022 13:32

Garage if there is space, otherwise his own room or he can pay for a self storage unit.

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