DD not enjoying university

[Smallblanket]

My DD is in week 2 of uni - very miserable, ill, normal freshers stuff. I think if she rides out the next couple of weeks she will be probably fine.

But at the back of my mind, and at the back of her's, is whether she has chosen the wrong uni, and possibly the wrong course.

If she leaves soon (I think VERY soon), there will be no fees owed and she can pay back her maintenance loan, so can have a fresh start after a year out.

I don't know whether to encourage her to stay, or encourage her to leave.

I'd be grateful for any advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation.

[Smallblanket]

Dishing out - it was a good visit and well worth the 8 hour return trip!
We had a meal out and a walk in the rain. It was good to chat through the issues face to face. She is going to stick it out until at least Christmas ("because that's what people on the internet recommend") but is seriously considering switching from Physics to Maths. She had thought about that before term started. It was good to see that she went just wallowing in her room and is eating and socialising.

I just said that we would support her. I think she is relieved to have some options.


Interesting Times article today about students having to be put up in hotels or having to commute temporarily and how not feeling settled in the first couple of weeks can lead to a higher drop out rate. I do think that being in halls so far from lectures to start with has contributed to the malaise...

[DishingOutDone]

I think its very sensible Small - someone on here told me she always told her DD she could go home if it didn't work out, so I told my DD that now and she seems a bit reassured. She doesn't like her accommodation and that's a big part of her being upset, I've been to visit, her boyfriend has visited etc but still very down. She's coming home for a few days at what would have been half term, I am thinking lets see how she is then. She was anxious before she went but I am keeping an eye out in case it develops into depression.

[Smallblanket]

Sounds like a good plan - my middle DC does suffer from depression so I am highly alert to that now - you can only get a good sense of something like that in person.

DD has arranged to go and visit her bf in a week or so - that will either help or it won't!

[HandsOffMyRights]

Thanks Hero. I do think it would have helped enormously and wishing OP good luck.

[sashh]

Thank you all. I think it is homesickness/missing boyfriend/ not having found her "tribe".

I know I'm a bit late and you have visited but surely her 'tribe' won't be at home?

Feeling discombobulated is fairly normal, the ones walkng round with big grins are either faking i or mature students who have finally got to uni age 45.

Please be aware the after Xms time is often the time students feel worse.

They have mostly started in the late summer / early autumn with warmish weather,but in January it is cold, wet and dark, they have more workload and they have just spent a couple of weeks with family and their home town was all brightly lit and they met up with old friends and told uni stories. Because of this many unis have a helpline.

Changing course might make a huge difference andi might be possible to do a joint honours if she wants to keep up the physics.

Ca she do a unit / module outside her main subject? A lot of unis force you to take at lest one and the temptation is to stick to your own 'field' in dds case science when something totally different might make a difference an art, drama or beginners language.

[msmith501]

I felt like this for the first two weeks of my course. I was lucky in that one of my corridor friends a few doors away used to go to private school when feeling abandoned etc. in the early days was not uncommon. She helped me put up hooks for my mugs, cut out pictures to make into posters and generally make my room feel homely rather than stark. Her real lesson for me was to hang on in there. Small friendship things became important eg having a coffee with the person in the room next door. As an only child (albeit one with domineering parents) it was bloody hard but I did persevere to the point I never went home in the holidays. One day it just clicked and I guess I was lucky. Everyone is different and hopefully your DD will find a path through that works for her. Best of luck to her.

[Smallblanket]

That's a good point about going back in January- I'll look out for that.

Things are going ok - DD has a meeting booked with admissions tutor for the different course today and seems to be a bit more settled generally.

[MindyStClaire]

If she's seriously considering changing courses she should investigate this immediately, the deadline has already passed at my university. Best of luck to her.

[MindyStClaire]

Cross post! Glad she's on top of things :)

[Smallblanket]

Just an update and another thanks for the advice I got here. DD has now started to settle in really well - made some friends on the new course and signed up for a house next year! I know some kids won't settle and that's fine - but for others it's definitely a case of " give it time" !

[Ginfizzlife]

Great update, so glad things worked out for her.

[Wid]

@Smallblanket glad she's settled. Must be a relief as well that she's found people to live with for next year. I know my ds is anxious about next year. He says it's too early to know who he would like to live with and his current flat mates are acting like primary school kids, but at the back of his mind, I can tell he's thinking that he's going to be left on the shelf.

[Smallblanket]

I think your DS will probably better off sorting out accommodation a bit later - there will be lots of students feeling like him, I'm sure.