Mixed or single sex halls?

[user1497207191]

When we started looking at Unis, we just assumed mixed halls were best for our DS.

We've been talking to some friends and neighbours and some of the mixed sex uni accommodation experiences sound pretty horrific. Lots of "pressure" to go clubbing/partying, bullying, etc. A couple of them have said their children had wished they'd done single sex instead. One said his lad came home at Christmas in year 1 and wouldn't go back because there were only a couple of other lads in his "flat" and they were both heavy drinkers/partygoers and they had nothing in common.

It's got us thinking. DS isn't particularly sporty, doesn't go partying, generally very quiet just sitting at home playing computer games, etc. His school friends tend to be likewise, quiet more "geeky" types and he doesn't really go around with the sporty/popular lads.

I'm wondering if single sex halls would be more likely to have like-minded "quiet" boys that he may be more comfortable around? It looks like it's the "noisy", outgoing, popular, sporty lads who go into the mixed halls.

Anyone got any experience of the reality of mixed versus single sex dorms?

[LillianGish]

I think the thing about university accommodation is that it's very much the luck of the draw who you are sharing with - I tried to emphasise this to dd when she was agonising over the dimensions and facilities of different rooms, trying to decide which hall to pick without really knowing anything about any of them. Possibly a corridor is less intense than a flat, but it still depends who is living in the other rooms. I happen to think that one of the biggest lessons of university (and almost as important as the course you are studying) is learning how to rub along with all sorts of people outside the cocoon of family life. It can be a bit scary to start with, but also quite exciting as you realise you can be whoever you want to be in your new environment. Wherever you are living it is important to get out and meet as many other people as you can to increase the chances of finding your "tribe". I would say it is almost impossible to try and micro-manage the perfect living conditions for your ds and may be setting him up for disappointment. Instead try and help him develop coping strategies to feel confident about who is and open to meeting new people whatever situation he finds himself in and remind him that there are more people in the university than those who are living in his immediate vicinity.

[ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords]

I don’t know that universities put it in the accommodation info, but when my son was applying for his accommodation there was a box to tick if he was happy to be in a mixed flat.
A few years ago my nephew was in an all male flat, but presumably that was not a choice he made, just how it happened.

[Bluntness100]

My daughters uni has single sex halls but the kids in there were in there for religious reasons.

[BackforGood]

I totally agree @LillianGish

It is all these subtle things that parents should be doing as the dc are growing up. Helping their dc to understand that there will be times they have to live alongside (or do a project together with or later to work alongside) people they wouldn't necessarily choose to / people they don't gel with / and even people that really annoy them.
Teaching your dc how to deal with that helps them so much more in the long term than trying to micro manage every situation they are in when they are younger.

[Miljah]

I also agree entirely with Lilliangush

The point comes where your young person has chosen to step out into the world. I believe, apart from the single sex (soz, gender) flats for religious women, it's a free-for-all luck of the draw.

Kids might label themselves 'Party/ party', for example, but what they mean is 'I was queen bee in Pontefract, surrounded by my adoring acolytes on pub disco night, yay!' - but not find themselves so happy sharing with 5 other queen bees 😊!

The 'quiet' boy will have to have his flat mates standing watch over him, in shifts, all night, after getting so bladdered he's practically unconscious ( an experience my DS had in his flat regarding 'the quiet one'.... twice 😂).

You just can't tell.

And they all gave high speed broadband so they can still game with the old crowd.... while maybe finding out that geeky boy 2 doors down, or in his seminar group, plays the same game. So, a game or two, then Spoons?

We do what we can, but, at the end of the day, a massive part of the uni experience is getting on with it. Unis have thousands of young people in them, all keen to find tribes/ have fun. This isn't school (or the artificiality of what amounts to 19-20 months in sixth form, 'competing' with apparently massive pre-arranged 'friendship groups' born purely out of 'having attended the same comp, done the same GCSE'. Few make new 'besties' in stand alone sixth forms, imo.

[Miljah]

Sorry, LillianGish. Tho LillianGush has a certain ring.. 😂

[purpleme12]

God I would think single sex accommodation would completely change the uni experience. Not in a good way.

Just because he's not sporty or partygoer or outgoing doesn't mean he should go single sex. And the bad experiences you've heard I don't think will have anything to do with whether it's single sex or mixed.

Plus please remember you meet so many new people at uni and do so many new things he might surprise you

[Mustbetimeforachange]

All three of mine could select single sex flats. One did, two didn't. DS2 could also opt for quiet or alcohol free.

[cheeseandpickle247]

I’d go for mixed! Most halls have an option to choose a quiet dorm so the people who don’t want to party stick together. Single sex is never fun. I was in an all girls one and it was awful, no balance at all.

[WaxOnFeckOff]

DS had the option to select a quiet or alcohol free dorm (around 12 to 20 rooms). The flats (various between 4 and 6 rooms) were split into, those with en-suits and those without and some of those have 2 toilets for an extra few quid. The only other options given were single sex or gaelic speaking.

His flat is 4 boys and 1 girl. They aren't party party types as they don't want to host as too much mess and worrying about stuff being damaged, but they do socialise with another like minded flat and have bought themselves a wii for some retro gaming :)

Don't get me wrong, I think they are all enjoying drinking and going out but are at the quieter end of the spectrum.

It's all just luck though and think it has nothing to do with mixed or single sex. DS wasn't looking for female company. it's just that he was happy to take whatever was allocated. Funnily he didn't tick the box for no alcohol or quiet...

[Trewser]

Honestly, don't specify anything. Just go with the flow. Buy ear plugs and an eye mask and don't sit in your room gaming 24 7 and it will all calm down and you'll be fine. I can imagine this advice applies to 95 percent of new students.

[Trewser]

The 24/7 gamers are just as irritating as the 24 hour party people tbh. Balance is good!