Mixed or single sex halls?

[user1497207191]

When we started looking at Unis, we just assumed mixed halls were best for our DS.

We've been talking to some friends and neighbours and some of the mixed sex uni accommodation experiences sound pretty horrific. Lots of "pressure" to go clubbing/partying, bullying, etc. A couple of them have said their children had wished they'd done single sex instead. One said his lad came home at Christmas in year 1 and wouldn't go back because there were only a couple of other lads in his "flat" and they were both heavy drinkers/partygoers and they had nothing in common.

It's got us thinking. DS isn't particularly sporty, doesn't go partying, generally very quiet just sitting at home playing computer games, etc. His school friends tend to be likewise, quiet more "geeky" types and he doesn't really go around with the sporty/popular lads.

I'm wondering if single sex halls would be more likely to have like-minded "quiet" boys that he may be more comfortable around? It looks like it's the "noisy", outgoing, popular, sporty lads who go into the mixed halls.

Anyone got any experience of the reality of mixed versus single sex dorms?

[Trewser]

The 24/7 gamers are just as irritating as the 24 hour party people tbh. Balance is good!

[Trewser]

Honestly, don't specify anything. Just go with the flow. Buy ear plugs and an eye mask and don't sit in your room gaming 24 7 and it will all calm down and you'll be fine. I can imagine this advice applies to 95 percent of new students.

[WaxOnFeckOff]

DS had the option to select a quiet or alcohol free dorm (around 12 to 20 rooms). The flats (various between 4 and 6 rooms) were split into, those with en-suits and those without and some of those have 2 toilets for an extra few quid. The only other options given were single sex or gaelic speaking.

His flat is 4 boys and 1 girl. They aren't party party types as they don't want to host as too much mess and worrying about stuff being damaged, but they do socialise with another like minded flat and have bought themselves a wii for some retro gaming :)

Don't get me wrong, I think they are all enjoying drinking and going out but are at the quieter end of the spectrum.

It's all just luck though and think it has nothing to do with mixed or single sex. DS wasn't looking for female company. it's just that he was happy to take whatever was allocated. Funnily he didn't tick the box for no alcohol or quiet...

[cheeseandpickle247]

I’d go for mixed! Most halls have an option to choose a quiet dorm so the people who don’t want to party stick together. Single sex is never fun. I was in an all girls one and it was awful, no balance at all.

[Mustbetimeforachange]

All three of mine could select single sex flats. One did, two didn't. DS2 could also opt for quiet or alcohol free.

[purpleme12]

God I would think single sex accommodation would completely change the uni experience. Not in a good way.

Just because he's not sporty or partygoer or outgoing doesn't mean he should go single sex. And the bad experiences you've heard I don't think will have anything to do with whether it's single sex or mixed.

Plus please remember you meet so many new people at uni and do so many new things he might surprise you

[Miljah]

Sorry, LillianGish. Tho LillianGush has a certain ring.. 😂

[Miljah]

I also agree entirely with Lilliangush

The point comes where your young person has chosen to step out into the world. I believe, apart from the single sex (soz, gender) flats for religious women, it's a free-for-all luck of the draw.

Kids might label themselves 'Party/ party', for example, but what they mean is 'I was queen bee in Pontefract, surrounded by my adoring acolytes on pub disco night, yay!' - but not find themselves so happy sharing with 5 other queen bees 😊!

The 'quiet' boy will have to have his flat mates standing watch over him, in shifts, all night, after getting so bladdered he's practically unconscious ( an experience my DS had in his flat regarding 'the quiet one'.... twice 😂).

You just can't tell.

And they all gave high speed broadband so they can still game with the old crowd.... while maybe finding out that geeky boy 2 doors down, or in his seminar group, plays the same game. So, a game or two, then Spoons?

We do what we can, but, at the end of the day, a massive part of the uni experience is getting on with it. Unis have thousands of young people in them, all keen to find tribes/ have fun. This isn't school (or the artificiality of what amounts to 19-20 months in sixth form, 'competing' with apparently massive pre-arranged 'friendship groups' born purely out of 'having attended the same comp, done the same GCSE'. Few make new 'besties' in stand alone sixth forms, imo.

[BackforGood]

I totally agree @LillianGish

It is all these subtle things that parents should be doing as the dc are growing up. Helping their dc to understand that there will be times they have to live alongside (or do a project together with or later to work alongside) people they wouldn't necessarily choose to / people they don't gel with / and even people that really annoy them.
Teaching your dc how to deal with that helps them so much more in the long term than trying to micro manage every situation they are in when they are younger.

[Bluntness100]

My daughters uni has single sex halls but the kids in there were in there for religious reasons.

[ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords]

I don’t know that universities put it in the accommodation info, but when my son was applying for his accommodation there was a box to tick if he was happy to be in a mixed flat.
A few years ago my nephew was in an all male flat, but presumably that was not a choice he made, just how it happened.

[LillianGish]

I think the thing about university accommodation is that it's very much the luck of the draw who you are sharing with - I tried to emphasise this to dd when she was agonising over the dimensions and facilities of different rooms, trying to decide which hall to pick without really knowing anything about any of them. Possibly a corridor is less intense than a flat, but it still depends who is living in the other rooms. I happen to think that one of the biggest lessons of university (and almost as important as the course you are studying) is learning how to rub along with all sorts of people outside the cocoon of family life. It can be a bit scary to start with, but also quite exciting as you realise you can be whoever you want to be in your new environment. Wherever you are living it is important to get out and meet as many other people as you can to increase the chances of finding your "tribe". I would say it is almost impossible to try and micro-manage the perfect living conditions for your ds and may be setting him up for disappointment. Instead try and help him develop coping strategies to feel confident about who is and open to meeting new people whatever situation he finds himself in and remind him that there are more people in the university than those who are living in his immediate vicinity.

[BackforGood]

Like you VanCleef - I've never had that cross our radar (am currently looking round with our 3rd dc). I mean, not something any of mine would have been looking for, but not something I've ever hear mentioned, and, in the dozens of dns, dgod-c, friends' dc and dcs' friends, I know of round the country over the last 7 years or so, I can't think of anyone who was in a single sex flat.

[VanCleefArpels]

@ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords not in my experience (2 kids and their friends gone through this) - yes there is sometimes the possibility of quiet flats / Halls but sex and/or gender has never been mentioned on any of the universities I have either researched myself or where friends' kids have gone.

[ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords]

Oh I think it's quite common to ask if they are happy to live in mixed flats or not.

[GCAcademic]

It's single-sex flats, not entire halls, I think, that are available at Oxford Brookes:

www.brookes.ac.uk/studying-at-brookes/accommodation/prospective-students/living-in-halls/

[AuntieStella]

Halls with shared bathrooms usually zone by sex (probably gender, though)

Quiet zone (so you retreat to calm, go out to party) can be a good arrangement. But not all halls offer these.

First year flatmates can be ..... interesting. It's not sex, it's weird habits, smellly sports kit, chanting, primal screaming, whale music v thrash metal, Marxist sociology student with aristocratic agric (and any other stereotypes you care to chuck in)

[ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords]

Which halls are single sex at Brookes - it doesn't say any of them are on the website.

[GCAcademic]

Some universities do have single-sex accommodation, Oxford Brookes, for example.

The university I work at had single-sex accommodation, but changed it to single-gender a couple of years ago. They should have scrapped it altogether, because now there are women from conservative religious backgrounds who are signing up for these flats thinking they are single-sex when they’re not.

[VanCleefArpels]

some of the mixed sex uni accommodation experiences sound pretty horrific. Lots of "pressure" to go clubbing/partying, bullying, etc.

This is nothing to do with the gender mix of the Hall, but with the people in them. Any Hall, single sex (which actually do not exist!) or otherwise houses a random mix of people who all happen to want to study at the same university. There is no way of predicting any particular predilictions of a group in a flat.

For what it's worth if any student finds it uncomfortable to be in a particular flat in Halls then the university will do all they can to move them. And in my experience quieter kids are generally left to their devices if they don't want to join in.

[ifonly4]

Personally, I don' think single sex halls will solve the problem. Male or female, you're going to get DCs that like partying, drinking, late nights and others that are quieter and might join more socieities and enjoy a chat over a meal. Also, on application DD would have applied for a quieter flat if given the choice, she's turned 18 since applying and although not interested in drinking, is enjoying socialising.

She had doubts about going catered (ie the cost and just walking into the dining hall on her own) but she said she's relaxed about it and is in with a large group so someone else is often there. If not, a quick meal and off to a society, so I wonder if catered is better as they can at least get away from a smaller flat.

[MarchingFrogs]

I'm wondering if single sex halls would be more likely to have like-minded "quiet" boys that he may be more comfortable around?

Have you (he? What does he actually want?) actually found any universities offering single-sex halls specifically for male students, then? As others have said, single-sex halls are very rare and then usually for female students who want / whose parents want on their behalf segregation on religious grounds. Outside of a Roman Catholic seminary, I can't think that anywhere would be likely to provide a whole accommodation block exclusively for males. Some universities do offer the possibility of single-sex flats or corridors, but again these, in practice, would usually be female only, also not necessarily guaranteed- the university is unliely to keep a room unlet whilst turning down a last applicant who happens to be the 'wrong variety', so to speak.

University students come in all shapes, sizes and interests and it is unlikely that your DS won't find others like him. Especially with the the number of posts one gets on internet forums about how worried parents are that their Not Like That offspring will be forced to go out and do things that others enjoy but they don't. Going along to clubs and societies that interest him would be a good way of finding people who, well, are interested on doing the same sort of things as him. And no need to give up playing computer games online with his old friends , either; DS1 certainly carried on doing this after they all moved on to different places geographically.

[BackforGood]

Another who hasn't come across the option of single sex halls, in looking over 9 years, for 3 different dc.

However, mixed or single sex wouldn't determine the 'party vibe' of the flat.
Some Universities do offer quieter blocks.
However, if your dc doesn't want to go clubbing, then he doesn't have to. There isn't 'pressure' there are invitations.
All that said, just because he doesn't go to clubs at home, doesn't mean he might not want to visit with new found friends a lot of university life involves trying new things.

[seasidequayside]

I just did a quick google search and found that Bath, Bangor, Cardiff, Swansea and Loughborough all give the option of asking for quiet accommodation, and York doesn't. I'm sure it would be easy to find out about others with a big more digging (or just email the accommodation office and ask).

[seasidequayside]

A friend's daughter was in catered accommodation and she said she found it too quiet as the partying types tended to opt for self-catered - maybe the shared kitchen/eating area lends itself more to drinking and partying?

Different universities take different factors into account when allocating accommodation, so be sure to ask at open days whether there's an option for quiet people to ask to be housed together. Some unis have certain halls that are well known for parties, sportiness, etc, so ask about that at open days too.