Uni accommodation for newly diagnosed coeliac - catered or not?

[GrumpyOldBag]

DS has been having tests for coeliac disease, it looks highly likely he has it - just awaiting blood test results - and will have to follow a gluten-free diet.

He starts Uni this Autumn and we are just trying to sort his accommodation. Originally it was going to be catered for first year - no brainer - as he can't/doesn't want to learn to cook (yet).

Now wondering whether if he goes catered they will be able to cope with his dietary requirements. Obviously they have to deal with vegans, vegetarians, religious diets - so I'm assuming they will. Just wondered if anyone has any useful insight into this at all.

Hoping to get application in for his insurance choice this w/end (aware we have already left it late), think we won't be able to phone & ask!

Thanks.

[GrumpyOldBag]

Thanks everyone for all the great advice here.

To be honest, I am waiting for the doctor to confirm the coeliac diagnosis before going full tilt into research mode. This is due next week.

We will also get 2 sessions with a dietician who hopefully will explain a lot of this to DS.

[BlueChairs]

'Learning to cook' ...it's not bloody brain science to shove some things in the oven or boil some veg ...

[BlueChairs]

Also how is he 18 and can't/ doesn't cook for himself ?

[GrumpyOldBag]

He can cook. He can make amazing, complicated birthday cakes, delicious puddings and toad in the hole.

He's also really good at heating up a pizza and reheating a steak pie, which are his favourite standby foods when he has to cook for himself.

But he'd still rather order a Domino's and has zero interest in cooking vegetables, however easy I make it for him (leaving the broccoli cut up & in the saucepan) he won't do it. But he's going to have to learn to do that when he's living away from home or he'll die of scurvy.

[GrumpyOldBag]

What he can't do is the everyday cooking I do. Looking in the fridge & thinking what shall I make today from 3 eggs, a bit of cheese and some slightly off tomatoes.

And, although they both help a lot around mealtimes - setting the table, clearing the plates, loading and unloading the dishwasher, I just find it easier to get on with making the food myself instead of waiting 10 minutes while DS peels a carrot.

[GrumpyOldBag]

DS is also extremely fussy, so won't eat a lot of the "easy" foods other people tend to rely on.
No jacket potatoes or baked beans for example. No peas (although he's good with a lot of veg). Only likes eggs in the form of omelettes. Will only eat plain cornflakes without milk. Etc.

[GrumpyOldBag]

What is it about MN that when you post and ask for some simple advice and to share relevant experience people love to jump in and make out you are a shit parent?

Bluechairs I'm sure you are a vastly superior parent to me in every way and your DC are probably amazing cooks. But guess, what, we are all different, or hadn't you noticed that?

[GrumpyOldBag]

And if all 18-year olds were proficient cooks there'd be no need for Universities to offer catered accommodation at all, would there?

[Flowersmakemyday]

If it makes you feel any better, I'm 53 and just finished my first year at Uni - I don't/can't cook at home - my husband has cooked for the last 28 years. I have survived! I don't care what people think about me not cooking. I cooked a few meals when we first met and he ''suggested' that he would have done it differently, so I 'suggested' he carried on. I have far more interesting things I would rather do with my time. I'm sure your son will be fine, the only time my daughter gets 'glutened' now is occasionally when she eats out (even when she checks everything is gf).

[lamado]

Grumpy - even if my coeliac DS was a culinary master I doubt very much his first year at uni would be spent cooking from scratch a variety of healthy, nutritionally balanced GF meals.
Instead I am focussing on making sure he has a few basic meals. I think understanding how to avoid cross contamination and how to read labels should be the first priority (my DS has been GF for 4 years so we have s head start).
Here are my DS's top tips -
when drinking alcohol do not drink anything (even cider) on tap, it needs to be gf (cider or gf beer) and it needs to be in a bottle. It is likely that all the taps in the pub will have been used for beer at some point so will be cross contaminated).
Don't share food from packets, if you've got a bag of sweets/ crisps /nuts and your friend has just eaten a sandwich/ pastie they will contaminate the whole pack if their hand goes in.
If you snog someone who has just eaten gluten you will likely get some, get them to have a gf drink first.
You cannot have any fried food that has been fried alongside gluten containing foods (most chip shops/restaurants fry chips in the same oil they use for fish/onion rings etc.
Learn which brands are GF friendly- it seems like supermarket shopping takes ages at first but you quickly learn what to avoid.
Don't under-estimate the sense of loss when first diagnosed, at first you only seem to see what you can't have, but this does go.

[NotDavidTennant]

If your DS is a fussy eater I would definitely discourage him from going for catered halls. I expect if he registered as coeliac then they'd have to give him gluten-free meals, but it is high unlikely that they would give him more than one option to chose from at each mealtime. What would he do if he turned up for dinner and the gluten-free option that day was a jacket potato?

[GrumpyOldBag]

If you snog someone who has just eaten gluten you will likely get some Really looking forward to having that conversation with DS !!

[WandaOver]

Grumpy, ignore Bluechairs who's expertise is probably based on having once been 18 rather than having been the parent of a DC of 18 with health issues and mild ASD, together with being in the middle of his A levels.
If he gets this diagnosis it will be a learning curve for both of you so you will have the summer to work on what he can and can't eat and how to cook it. I did a binder full of recipes and sent both DC off knowing how to rustle up half a dozen basic meals. DS1 turned into an adventurous and inventive cook. DS2 turned vegetarian so we had to tear up the recipes and learn some veggie alternatives he still lives on pasta.

[GoatsFeet]

he can't/doesn't want to learn to cook

What? He's almost or actually 18, and is refusing to learn an essential life skill? That is actually quite shocking - he should have been learning at home from the age of around 11 or so. It's easy enough for children to learn simple techniques of making eggs in a number of ways, roasting meat - I taught a 10 year old to make a cake with me, and at 13 he now does it pretty competently on his own (he likes cake).

I have coeliacs in the family (my in-laws), and the pain, and side effects from what amounts to malnutrition if they don't look after their diets, means that they quickly got used to a non-gluten diet.

Why would he want to risk that control over his diet? Catered halls don't (and can't afford to) operate on the basis of individual meals. Most of the ones I know (or have stayed at) do a cafeteria style with mass-produced dishes. They can cater for veg/vegan because lots of people eat those - not just vegetarians.

He's really going to need to learn to cook some good basics as preparation for the rest of his life.

Unless you want him to become the subject of an AIBY post in a decade's time: "AIBU or is my DP who is picky but refuses to do his share of household shopping and cooking?" You know the answer will be a resounding HIBU

[NiceCuppaTeaAndASitDown]

Doves Farm do a fantastic gluten free flour that you can just directly substitute for 'normal' flour in most recipes.
Admittedly it's not great for bread, but sponges, pancakes, roux based things etc all all fine.
I would definitely go self catered, in my hall even the chips were fried in the same frier as breadcrumbed things and very little was 'safe' for a coeliac.

A few bags of gluten free pasta will be essential, and most Mexican/Indian food is naturally gluten free so hopefully he likes chilli and curry.

The real issue for a student may well be missing out on beer! I hope he likes vodka and cider instead.

Good luck with the diagnosis. I hope he's feeling better soon.

[Somerville]

Oh come on GoatsFeet, is that helpful?

Frankly, I'm 40 and if I had the choice I'd rather have my food prepared for me than cook it all myself.

OP Self-catered sounds smarter for a varied diet, and as PP's have said, he may qualify for accommodation with a particular layout or extra facilities if the diagnosis is indeed confirmed.

[GoatsFeet]

Yes, of course, wouldn't we all, Somerville? Until .... you get sick of it everyday, and it makes you ill.

Cooking simple meals - for example, an omelette as the OP's son likes them - is a basic life skill, which most people capable of attending university, should be willing to learn. Even a young neuro atypical boy ... It'll give him control, which IME with neuro atypical people and coeliacs - is really important for quality of life.

A meal plan of 3 or 4 simple dishes, and some lessons in how to make those dishes (plus a load of maternal batch cooking in the freezer) would be far far better than a catered hall - I come from the generation of catered halls, and often stay in halls as part of my work (ah the glamour of academia), and I'm usually gasping for fresh food & vegetables after a week. Or a curry - but that's not great for coeliacs IME.

[GrumpyOldBag]

Oh dear Goatsfeet did you bother to read my other posts on the thread? It's not a very long thread.

DS originally decided he'd rather be in catered accommodation when we first started thinking about University because he doesn't want the hassle of shopping & cooking in his first year at Uni - like many others.

We're now having to revise that in the light of the coeliac thing which came out of the blue a few weeks' ago and has, quite frankly, knocked us all for six.

DS has also been able to make amazing cakes since he was at primary school, he cooks when he wants to, and can follow recipes - which is why I think he'll manage fine.

Another Mumsnetter using a straightforward request for help & advice to have a pop at another Mum's parenting skills.

If there was an edit facility on MN I'd rephrase it to "he doesn't want to cook" rather than "he doesn't want to learn to cook".

[Somerville]

If you saw that he likes omelettes than you'll also have seen that:
He can cook. He can make amazing, complicated birthday cakes, delicious puddings and toad in the hole

Clearly, if the diagnosis is confirmed then he will need to change his repertoire to include GF food. OP has already said that he will. But the fact that his first instinct was not to want to, and choose catered halls, is entirely understandable and not shocking at all. Not to me, anyway - I remember being his age, and my focus was on my A'levels and then beyond that to my course.

[Somerville]

X-post. (I don't think you need to justify yourself to anyone, OP, and I hope that the test results next week bring clarity for your son, and that whatever happens the Uni gives him good support. )

[GrumpyOldBag]

Thankyou Somerville. (My best friend was at Somerville, but I know she's not a Mumsnetter!!)

[Bluntness100]

Ask the uni, my daughters catered halls were basically a cash card which entitled her to eat in the many eateries across the uni and there was no issue with gluten free.

The thing about catering is it helps ease them in for the first year, they don't have to worry about shopping and cooking as much, it's one less stress in their first year. I'm an advocate of it, so I'd email and ask the uni.

[Goldmandra]

My DD1 has AS and is self catering. For the first year she really appreciated me making extra portions of bolognese, fish pie, cottage pie, meatballs, etc, putting them in takeaway tubs and freezing them for her. It meant she had a fall-back for the days she couldn't face cooking and didn't fancy just eating a packet of biscuits. I think it also helped to have some familiar food once in a while.

She practised cooking lots of simple dishes over the summer and she took some familiar recipes with her. We also spent time on Facetime once a week, once she was there, planning a menu and writing a shopping list for her.

Being able to cook helped her socially at first too because lots of her friends had no idea.

[ErrolTheDragon]

There's no 'should' about some of these details of parenting (and it's never helpful to pontificate on what they 'should' have learned 6 years ago). Some kids and families prefer the approach of learning life skills at the point where they need them. In some families, having teens actively engaged in making 'real' food (as opposed to baking) is very useful and appropriate - others not so much.

[GrumpyOldBag]

Interesting Bluntness will definitely check that.

I also think eating together with your peers is more sociable and more likely to help you settle in, and DS finds that side of things quite difficult.

But at the moment it's pointing towards self-catering and some basic training from Mum in the summer.