Freshers starting at Oxford or Cambridge (finally?)

[littlesquid]

Taking DD to Oxford on Sunday, She is bouncing off the walls but I think nervous as well. All her friends went off to uni so long ago it feels like they must have graduated by now, she's been a lonely little thing the last couple of weeks.

She's found and friended people from her course and college on facebook, which is nice.

I hope she fits in, we aren't an Oxbridge kind of family... and that the workload isn't too much.

Anyone else heading off this weekend?

[LondonMother]

This kind of tall poppy stuff makes me cross! It wouldn't happen in the US, would it? If you have a clever child, you'd think other people would find it in their hearts to be pleased rather than immediately start feeling defensive about their own children or trying to instil fear about what might go wrong. Best of luck to sonofsecretscwirrels and all other applicants this year, wherever they're hoping to go!

[secretscwirrels]

Thanks for that ancientandmodern and sparkling.
Today a friend asked where he is thinking of applying. I found myself reluctant to say but I did. I got the distinct impression she thought that wasn't for the likes of us or that I was being a pushy parent. In fact I have gone the other way if anything, to persuade him to have a good plan B and to treat it as an aspirational choice rather than a realistic prospect. He thinks that means I doubt his ability.

[NoComet]

Well done little squid and secrets DCs and all those trying for "that good big school" as my DMIL always called it.

She and I were old redbrick and DFIL and DH went to Cambridge. Nither were privalaged public school educated. DFIL over 50 when DH was born and went on the kind of scholarship lost in the mists of time. DH went to an ordinary state grammar and sixform collage as he got caught up in going comprehensive.

No harm at all in an Oxbridge thread, they are funny places with collages and intense short terms, but their ex students aren't so bad I've had one clutter up my life for 25 years

[ancientandmodern]

secret please don't let your son be put off.....my DS was also at a bog standard comp where it was not usual for people to apply to Oxbridge, but he did so and got in. I think one of his strengths at interview was precisely because he wasn't tutored and trained on how to answer the questions - he genuinely enjoyed the cut and thrust with the lecturer and thinking through the arguments, rather than just churning out the received opinions. When he got to Cambridge, virtually all his friends were either from private schools or super selective state grammars, but he made great friends and had a wonderful time (should point out he was also in a minority because physically disabled, but that wasn't a problem either).
should also point out that DS was asked if it was OK if someone from outside sat in on his interview. this was a teacher from a comp who'd been invited along to view the process and comment -- I felt Cambridge does try hard to understand what might, unfairly, trip up candidates who aren't from a privileged background.

[Sparklingbrook]

Good for him secret, you should not have to fear any comments from anyone.

[secretscwirrels]

I have been reluctant to mention on MN (or IRL actually) that DS is applying to Cambridge. He is not from a wealthy MC background (I have no degree) and he went to a pretty bog standard school. He knows it's a lottery. However good his grades he is competing against the rich and privileged who have been groomed and prepared for Oxbridge.
The comments on the thread are exactly what I feared.

Well done to littlesquid's littlesquid. I hope he's settling in OK.

[Graceandvirtue]

Some very unpleasant responses on this thread, takes me back to the playground. I have 2 DC at non-Oxbridge universities and fully understand why the thread was started.

Best of luck to your DD squid.

[Sparklingbrook]

I clicked on the thread out of curiosity as i have a friend who's friend has a son starting at Oxford.

What weird reactions. Obvious why a new thread was started IMO.

Hope your DD is getting on okay squid.

[BeckAndCall]

Well I doubt if the OP will ever come back - I wouldn't if I were newish and had had the reaction above. Sorry we won't see you again OP but its not all like that on here - there are plenty of parents with children at Oxbridge colleges who have specific things to say and ask and it's generally very helpful to share similar experiences.

There are also lots and lots of mumsnetters who went to Oxbridge who talk about it - not something that has to be hushed up, generally, for fear of being boastful.

Not all of us want to join someone else's thread - it's easy to get ignored there.

What next, we delete the Cambridge SAQ thread because someone might get offended? Noone asks which boarding school people recommend?

I find it really disappointing this thread went this way

[Fairdene]

Discussing Oxbridge stuff doesn't equal boastiness, necessarily. Agree that people should feel free to post however they want, without feeling constrained about accusations of showiness. That's very small minded.

[LondonMother]

Whereas by doing as she did, she heard from a couple of people who'd been through this and come out the other side. We're all free to post what we want here, within the rules. Cannot see any point whatever in trying to dictate to others how they should post.

[JGBMum]

Well I guess that if op had joined the other thread, or the ideas on what to take to uni thread, she would have had a chance to chat with other freshers parents, including those with DC starting at Oxbridge.

[GrendelsMum]

I was welcoming a group of first year students to the Faculty today - lovely to see all the enthusiastic faces and their excitement about the upcoming courses. Our bunch seem to be settling down okay - there was a 'welcome curry' last night which hopefully will get them off to a good start.

[LondonMother]

OP presumably meant no one in the family has ever studied or worked at Oxford or Cambridge until now. It can be a bit intimidating socially to enter that world, especially if the student's/parents' previous establishments were more like Grange Hill than Hogwarts.

As for why OP didn't join in the other thread, it wouldn't occur to me to make my first post on a topic on a thread with hundreds of posts and a small tight band of regular posters. Give her a break!

[wordfactory]

I'd also add that whilst I think the collegiate system is excellent, the short terms and intensity of work load doesn't actually suit some people.

Agian, this can be hard for students and families alike. Finally getting to Oxbridge seems like the pinacle, but it's not always the way.

[wordfactory]

JGB as someone who works at Oxbridge and somewhere else too, I would say that Oxbridge is very different. The experience for the parents will be different too.

Terms are so short. And few colleges allow holiday stays. So DC are coming and going home like a fiddler's elbow.

Also, there's no getting away from the fact that it is mightily intense. Freshers may be seriously shocked. And boy will they be knackered!

[goinggetstough]

Mirry I wondered about that too!

[mirry2]

What is an 'Oxbridge family'?

[LauraChant]

You could have done if you wanted to!

[JGBMum]

Well mine only went a week ago, should I have started a new thread because friends started 2 weeks earlier, so we had 2 weeks more stress?

The point is, as parents, we have a lot of experiences in common when our children leave home, whether they're going to South Bank or Imperial, or anywhere in between.

[BeckAndCall]

I was just going to say the same thing laura - give the OP a break. Her DD will probably have been watching friends go off to uni for the last 3 weeks and feeling like everyone's gone and when is it her turn?

So I imagine that is exactly what the OP is talking about - the anxiety and expectation in the house that lasts up to three weeks longer than a lot of other families!

[LauraChant]

Because Oxbridge terms start so much later I imagine. (in answer to why start a separate thread).

I don't know, I'm not the OP. But no need to be mean.

[mummytime]

Just be prepared for her to come back totally exhuasted at the end of term (although she might even stay up to get some work done). The terms are short but very intense.

Most of your prejudices about Oxbridge will be inaccurate. There are very few "Bullingdon" types, in 3 + years as a graduate I don't think I ever met one. I did meet over-confident private school types, who can be very forceful with their opinions, even if it is bullsh**.

I hope your DD has a great time.

[JGBMum]

at black mogul.

I did wonder why the op felt it necessary to start a new thread when there are lots of us on the empty nest thread discussing DC starting uni and their experience of Freshers.

[BlackMogul]

Is this a special boasting parent thread or can any proud parent join in! ??? Stop it. You are just like everyone else.......