Guest post: "I didn't feed my daughter as a nutritionist, I fed her as a mother"

[MumsnetGuestPosts]

When I first met my daughter Maya in India, she was a tiny, five-month-old, beautiful little bundle. Starting out on the adoption path, I didn't know anyone who had adopted a baby - let alone travelled across continents to do so. I expected that I would have to teach myself how to fall in love with her, but the feelings were instantaneous. She was my daughter right from the start.

Even though I was already an aunt and had treated many young children and babies over the years, I really hadn't anticipated how vulnerable I would feel as a new mum. I knew the theory, but when I was thrown into being Maya's sole carer when I brought her home 10 months later, I found the reality to be very different.

Maya was 15 months old and weighed 3.5kgs - the average birth weight in the UK. She was severely malnourished and had rickets, making her legs frail and bent. People often ask me what it was like as a nutritionist to care for her - surely I knew everything there was to know? My answer often takes them by surprise - I didn't feed Maya as a nutritionist, I fed her as her mother. I followed my instincts. I knew that even though society dictated that at 15 months she should be eating solid foods, I needed to go against convention. I bottle-fed her for months until she was strong enough, gut-wise - and confidence-wise, alongside this new mother of hers - to venture into the world of food. I didn't measure the milligrams of calcium and vitamin D going into her tiny body, I just held and fed her close, until she started to turn the corner.

In our food-centric world it's so easy to feel confused, guilty and frightened about what you should or shouldn’t be feeding your baby. Mothers are made to feel ashamed for choosing not to breastfeed, or for not being able to. As if this wasn’t enough to contend with, many mothers forget or don’t have time to look after themselves - but for the wellbeing of both mother and baby, it’s crucial that mums dedicate some time and attention to themselves. It doesn’t take much; just a few simple things can hold you strong.

Remember that children, be they in your womb, or alongside you as they grow older - Maya is now 13 - take from you. They take the nutrients you give them, but they also absorb your attitude. Setting an example by caring for yourself can be just as important as putting a meal in front of your child. Babies grow up feeling far more secure and strong, if you join them in their journey of nourishing the body.

[IcedVanillaLatte]

Yeah, but that's not what she said, is it, Kitsa? She said she didn't feed her as a nutritionist. Weird dichotomy there if you ask me.

[Dontlaugh]

Perhaps that's just the use of language though? So we have trouble perceiving the OPs intention as her words didn't entirely convey her experience in a way we could understand? I suppose I related her experience to mine (under different circumstances) and I interpreted her experience in the same way as mine - I was a highly educated mother faced with a very ill child and my education in this case mattered not a fuck. I could only work off my maternal instincts to help my baby and I relied on the medics for the significant details.
Perhaps OP may return to reply and respond to some of this.

[Stevefromstevenage]

Meh, I don't see any derailment. Guest posts usual offer a platform for a person with a strong conviction to spread their message. Derailment is only possible when a clear message is conveyed and people drag the topic away from that point. Virtually every subsequent poster has said they are unclear about the OPs message. The OP has not clarified what she was trying to say in spite of the queries.

Even you Kitsa have a lot of 'I think she was trying to say.……' in your post. Funnily enough I think your interpretations would have made a much clearer impression if that is indeed what the OP wanted to express. As I said, though, I am not sure what she was trying to express.