At the age of 12, our daughter seemed to be holding life in her hands - she was bright and articulate, a social butterfly. Then, she overdosed. Our world and hers came crashing down.
Unbeknownst to us or her teachers, our youngest child had been systematically bullied for over a year. Older boys targeted her, calling her names and spitting in her hair. Having always been taught to be resilient, she'd tried to ride the storm single-handedly, hoping that ignoring the bullies would make them stop. Sadly, as her mental health began to deteriorate, her close circle of friends dispersed - perhaps for reasons of self preservation, they united with the bullies. Left alone to face the daily tirade of abuse, she no longer had the strength to continue.
Our daughter’s chosen drug of harm is paracetamol. It is cheap enough to be accessible with pocket money, and with no legal restrictions with regard to selling to children, it can be bought without challenge. This seemingly innocuous painkiller is a potent drug that can cause irreversible organ damage - and death - in relatively small doses. It is a hepatotoxin; as it is processed by the body, it starts to destroy the cells of the liver. It can take days for the person who has overdosed on paracetamol to feel unwell. By this point they may be reaching the end of the three-day window when the antidote will work - and they may have changed their mind about wanting to cause themselves lasting damage. However, after this point, no amount of medical intervention bar a liver transplant can help, and liver damage or an incredibly painful death ensues.
Through a tumultuous and terrifying four year journey with our daughter, we have learnt that numerous overdoses haven't signalled a yearning to end her own life. She only wishes to quieten the raging torrent in her mind and find a modicum of relief.
At the beginning of this summer we were confident that our child was about to enter a new chapter of her life. She had secured a college place for September - no mean feat when you haven’t attended school since Year Eight and have only sporadically accessed home tutoring due to mental health. We were hopeful that a fresh start in further education would be the challenge she needed to focus on something positive.
Last week, I realised this was all in jeopardy. The phone rang and I picked up, expecting to hear my daughter on the other end. I answered in my best Scottish accent, angling for a cheap laugh. Instead it was her dad: “You need to get here,” he said. “She’s slashed her arm with a Stanley knife.” Instantly my hand shook, my stomach dropped and I found it hard to find my own voice, let alone an accent.
After a long, calm summer, careless words from a friend have sent my daughter's mental health spiralling. Although the friend has since apologised, our daughter is still visibly wilting before our eyes. She is hellbent on harming herself to appease her demons - I am hellbent on stopping her.
Every minute is spent closely watching her, monitoring her mental health. She cannot bath or shower unsupervised, nor can she be left alone in her bedroom or even have access to her own money. We have to take these rights away from her to keep her safe. Past history suggests that, finding no relief from cutting herself, my daughter’s next attempt will be to self-poison, the Russian roulette of self-harm.
We hope this won’t happen, but out of my sight I know how simple it would be for her to access paracetamol - and she’s by no means the only one. Of children under 15 presenting to hospital after deliberate overdose, more than 50% had taken paracetamol. It is shocking that so many young people are able to harm themselves so easily. It frightens and enrages me that the government won't review the current legislation that does not restrict paracetamol sale to minors - which is why I am currently raising awareness and accruing public support to try to change this.
As for our personal journey - every day shows me just how determined my daughter is. Yesterday, I bought her, as requested, a set of sparkly emery boards. Today she has no skin left on her knuckles. Today I learnt another lesson. Where self-harm is concerned, it is so difficult for parents to protect our children from themselves - we need what help we can get, and legislating on paracetamol sales is a necessary first step.
Vikki Harris is calling on the government to restrict paracetamol sale to minors - you can sign her petition here.
Guest posts
Guest post: "It's too easy for our daughter to self-harm with paracetamol"
MumsnetGuestPosts · 01/09/2016 16:56
I have signed!
I'm sorry for what you and your daughter are having to go through atm.
I'm also annoyed at half of these comments. There's no right or wrong way to deal with self harm and the way in which the Lady who's posted deals with her daughter.
For all of you that are saying she's going about coping with her daughters self harm the wrong way isn't really for any of you to say. I'd think it would be what works for the family and even more so the daughter? If she self harms and then goes and seeks comfort in her mum then what is so wrong with that? Shes her mum at the end of the day. People are so quick to jump on a band wagon of how it should be dealt with. The right way always been of that who's commented giving the most advice.
Self harming and depression in teens is hard especially these days. I'm no mother to a teenager but I myself am only 20 and it was only 2 years ago that i was self harming and trying to Overdose. I was having a shit time and with nobody to turn to or talk to I didn't know how else to cope.. This obviously back fired, I got help, spoke to someone had a good cry and decided to pick myself up and deal with the problems I faced rather then running away from them.
But that was my way of coping. Doesn't at all mean that's anyone else's way of coping. Everyone is very much different and I think people need to remember this. Just because one person has self harmed and knows what it felt like, was like for them doesn't mean that another person is feeling the same way. Self harm starts with different people for different reasons
I really hope that your daughter feels more at peace with herself soon & gets too a point where she feels she doesn't have to harm herself 
And as for the paracetamol campaign whether your daughter has never taken an OD or has I think it's a good campaign as yes it is too easy for kids to get hold of. you seem like a very strong woman
Signed the petition. So sorry you're all going through this. I truly hope your daughter will get the help she needs and find peace. I find it hard to believe there has been no age limit put on over the counter medicine. We're watched with everything now...too much sugar, too much alcohol, don't do this, don't do that....but it's okay for minors to buy potentially harmful tablets over the counter? My daughter can't buy aerosols or nail glue by herself, she's 17 and been refused every time. There is nothing harmful in the glue and the shops agree but it's their policy not to sell to under 18's. It's crazy she could buy paracetamol but not deoderant!! Perhaps if some of the major supermarkets or chemists followed suit in age restricting then others would fall into place. Good luck and best wishes x
Thank you for raising awareness about this, I had no idea children could purchase them, it makes no sense at all. I have signed your petition. I wish you and your family all the positivity in this world to cope with this terribly stressful situation. You sound like such a wonderful mum, 
to you, and thanks again for bringing this to my attention.
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