Guest post: "Young adults need to understand the facts about fertility"

[MumsnetGuestPosts]

Conversations about fertility usually take place when there's a problem. They focus on treatment, rather than prevention. But with one in seven couples having difficulty conceiving, effective education could help to stop those numbers from rising.

As we live longer, have children later, and often build our careers before settling down - we're facing a fertility time-bomb in Britain. Having children in our late 30s and 40s is not always straightforward, and both age and lifestyle choices can have an incredible impact on our ability to conceive. Yet, even though we are aware of this, the widespread disconnect between social and biological reality means that the extent of such impacts isn't always known.

So how do we tackle the misconceptions around fertility? For me the solution is clear, and that is encouraging the next generation to be as informed and educated as possible on this subject.

I know this is both a sensitive and emotive issue, and I am aware of the argument that most young people are already aware of their biological clock, and that adding to this pressure is damaging. Yet it is my opinion that such a view is short-sighted. By providing reliable medical facts we are looking to remove fear and anxiety, rather than create it. It is a simple fact that we cannot turn back the biological clock once it is too late, and we should be giving young people the information they need to make informed decisions about their lifestyle and future.

We need to be informing teenagers and young men and women of the possible effects of their lifestyle choices. There isn't enough awareness about the impact low or high body weight, smoking, alcohol, drugs, STIs and thyroid problems can have on fertility.

We have already been successful in reducing teenage pregnancy through Sex and Relationship Education (SRE). Contraception and conception are two sides of the same coin. Last year I wrote a letter to Nicky Morgan MP, calling for the government to include fertility education as part of SRE in the secondary school curriculum. I am working with South London Schools to develop a pilot scheme in which secondary school children are provided with clear information as part of SRE on both the male and female fertility timeline and the effects of lifestyle.

At the most basic level, young men and women need to understand the fundamental facts about their fertility. A harsh biological reality is that female fertility declines much faster than that of men, decreasing significantly from the age of 35. Women are born with a finite number of eggs, and the decline in fertility comes from a reduction in the number and quality of eggs as women age. This decline can be measured by testing to indicate how many active egg sacs a woman still has. Sperm quantity and quality also decline with age - but at a much more gradual rate.

When it comes to reproductive ageing, nature has created a 'gender inequality'. Family history of early menopause also plays a part, and I encourage young women to speak to their mothers and female relatives openly. Education is crucial to ensuring that women who wish to have children don't miss out on the chance of motherhood due to misinformation.

Without effective education, the number of people facing fertility problems is only set to rise. But by passing on accurate and responsible information we can empower informed adult decisions. We need to shift the fertility paradigm from treatment to prevention - education can help us do this.

[AddToBasket]

I think educating men about the implications of their declining fertility is useful but, really, the issue here is bigger than fertility education.

The problem is housing costs followed by lack of career certainty followed by increased aspirations for travel and so on. Frankly, you are up against modern life.

And, yes, don't have a baby til you've met someone nice to have that baby with.

[Dowhatyoulove123]

I see their point - you do think it'll be all sunshine and happiness trying for a baby even in your 20s

I'm 27 and pregnant with my first baby with my hubby. At 26, I was told I wasn't ovulating and I needed some assistance (drugs) to get pregnant. I'm lucky that I got the help I needed but to put it into perspective, I'm the first of my group of girlfriends to get pregnant so who knows what lies ahead for the rest. Im pretty young by that standard.

[Abbbinob]

Yeah that makes perfect sense, what with increasing numbers of people in their 20s still living at home because they can't afford to move out without kids, let alone with them.

[HopIt]

Perhaps educating about freezing your eggs is the way forward? Not just "if you want kids have them in your 20's"
My abusive ex I was with in my 20's would have been an awful father!
But very few people do wait as a choice.

[Itisbetternow]

I had my first child at 37. Why? Because I hadn't met the right man before that. Not because of my career etc etc. I had my second child just before my 40th birthday. I knew about my body clock but what was I meant to do? Panic? No.

i think you will confuse young people. One minute we are saying wait, get educated, get a job, get a home and enjoy yourself and then we contradict by saying that girls have limited eggs(300k) and might not get pregnant in the 30s so get on with making babies ASAP.

None of us plan for infertility. None of us know if we can have a baby until we try. Is trying at 30 any worse than trying at 25 in terms of fertility?

[Merd]

I also haven't seen any proper thorough stats about fertility that properly compare rates of trying and miscarriage rates, is that info to hand for anyone?

Back when I was totally obsessed worried about it all, I seem to remember reading somewhere that a lot of our suppositions are based on 17th century French church records?

[IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy]

Mumsnet who is this guest speaker please?

I'm actually quite offended by the post and the idea that infertility can he handled by not waiting. I am struggling to think of a single person who could be helped by this post, and to be honest, it has made me more and more angry as I've thought about it.

[raisedbyguineapigs]

I'm sure she has banged on about this before and was met with much the same response. Do guest posters come back and answer the comments? If not, what's the point??

[CoteDAzur]

How on Earth is it a good idea to tell teenagers that they should hurry up and have a baby? I would be livid if DD were told this at school, just as we are motivating her to aim for a good university and telling her she can be the best at any field she chooses.

[Merd]

Actually I agree IsItI. A guest poster shouldn't just have the privilege (?) of posting something and disappearing.

If ordinary posters did that they'd be accused of shit-stirring or being rude...

[BuggersMuddle]

Impact of lifestyle choices: fair enough, although I would argue that there are plenty of other (potentially more immediate / relevant / better) reasons for a young man or woman to drink less / move more / have a healthy body weight than a hypothetical pregnancy. Especially when you consider that you would normally spend far more of your adult life not being pregnant or TTC.

Thyroid? If it's common enough, okay, get it out there (but I'm not sure you need to be told that at school).

But then we hit the crux of the article, because let's face it, the real message is about having babies earlier than 35. I doubt I'd find many adult women who do not know about the risks of waiting that long, unless they've been living under a rock and / or totally avoided the Daily Mail.

Young women are under enough pressure as it is IMO and are not totally in control of this. Men, careers, housing have all been touched on. I'd imagine most people (not unreasonably) want their kids to have the same lifestyle or better than they grew up with. In expensive areas, that's not easy for people my age (and I'm mid-30s with no kids by choice and yes I do understand the implications if I decide I want some later and it doesn't happen ), much less those who followed.

[SueTrinder]

Trouble with fertility doctors is that they don't see people like me so have a false view. I didn't start TTC until my late 30s, now in my mid 40s with 3DC (all conceived within a month of starting to TTC, including a DS born when I was 42), and no sign of the menopause yet (I don't know if I could conceive and carry a child to term any more but I'm not planning to try and find out). Lots of my friends have had children in their 40s, it's not that unusual among certain demographic groups (and we are still at historically low rates of 40somethings having children because of the availability of effective contraception).

I think we've ben over the stats these scare tactics are based on 100s of times, there is historic data (well over 100 years old) based on the age of last pregnancies and there is modern data based on people seeking fertility treatment (so not a representative population). Unless someone can show me some modern data looking at all people (not just those having fertility) then I'm going to question their data let alone their motivation

We are currently in the middle of a babyboom so why is there this need to tell women to have children by a certain age? If someone has a fufilling life with an interesting job and the freedom to make various choices then children are not essential for their happiness. On the other hand an early pregnancy with an unsuitable father could make it very difficult for a woman to achieve her potential and could trap her in poverty for the rest of her life. I know which option I'd take out of those two.

[CoteDAzur]

I agree. My DC were both conceived within a month of TTC and born when I was 34 and 38, with no problems. I know loads of women who have had babies in their late-30s and early-40s.

[jellybeans]

'The current economical set-up does not support couples having children in their 20s. Even couples in their 30s and 40s struggle to afford a family'

this

[raisedbyguineapigs]

sueI wholeheartedly agree with you. Most of my friends had children after 30, perfectly well. We are all educated and have good jobs. We all went to university (at least 21) then professional training (another year or two) establishing our careers and gaining experience (probably at least another 5 years), not to mention using our disposable income to travel, go out and just have fun. Is this doctor really advocating telling girls not to do this? Of course you can do it all with a child but I wouldn't want my child to become a parentbefore they were ready or before they had experienced a life without responsibility or if they don't want a child 'just in case'.

[ColinFirthsGirth]

To those saying that they din't know many where this applies to - I know quite a few people including relatives that did leave having babies till quite late because of their careers.

[BuggersMuddle]

Yes, but Colin did they understand and accept the risks? If they do you have to treat them as grown ups, surely?

[KyloRenNeedsTherapy]

I also know several people who delayed having children thinking "oh it'll be no problem". These were educated couples who clearly missed the education about fertility declining.

I've been with my Dh since I was 20, didn't start ttc until I was 30. If I'd had my time again I would have started about 5 years earlier as it was so hard for us and infertility dictated we had a much smaller family than we wanted.

[FourForYouGlenCoco]

So many good points here.

And I know the plural of anecdotes isn't data, etc, etc, but in the same way that having children late doesn't automatically mean fertility problems, having them early doesn't guarantee you won't have trouble. I'm 25 and have had 3 miscarriages. In my circle of friends, there's me with multiple MC. The 24 year old took over a year to conceive thanks to endometriosis. The 26 year old spent 5 years ttc and eventually conceived through IVF. The 36 and 37 year olds both got pregnant within a couple of months of trying, had straightforward pregnancies and healthy babies.
I know it's not that simple. But fertility isn't as simple as earlier= easier!

[Xmasbaby11]

I'm 40 and had dc at 35 and 37 no problems. I met Dh when I was 30, married at 34. The timing was right for us. I wasn't sure I wanted children until I was in my thirties. But I was always well aware if the risks of waiting too long.

I was mostly single in my twenties and lived in a few different countries - I could have settled down sooner if I'd met the right person but I didn't.

I have many friends who met their future Dh in their early twenties and waited 10 years to ttc (save money, career) - and had babies. Personally i thought they were mad to risk waiting so long but they were all lucky. I also have friends who met their partners later and ttc around 40 - some had problems. I think women are fully aware of the decline in fertility but they make choices according to their own lives.

[Theladyinthebath]

i had kids at both ends of the spectrum (ish)
20's by accident rather than design - through to 40's
My advice is freeze your eggs! Later was - for us- much easier

[SushiAndTheBanshees]

I agree with the message, for boys and girls to be educated about fertility issues.

This is because I subscribe to the wholly unfashionable and, some say, anti-feminist view that women need to choose. With very rare exceptions, it's not possible to have it all.

Choices should be made with all information readily available. And boys need to know what girls are facing.

The sadness facing my generation (late 30s/early 40s) is that we refused to accept that we would have to give up or compromise on the career / travel / independent living / etc to have children. If we thought about it at all, we just thought and hoped it would happen in time. We weren't officially* ever educated about fertility and motherhood. In fact, the pendulum swung too far: we were raised to believe that motherhood was easy, it'd be the career progression that required all our efforts. How wrong this has proven to be for so many of my peers.

• my only criticism of this OP is that I believe this sort of education should come from parents. Not everything should be outsourced to schools. Fine for this to be a topic in one class in GCSE biology, but the deeper dialogue needs to happen at home.

[TippyTappyLappyToppy]

This is all well and good but I don't know one woman who had children in their late 30's or 40's from choice.

I genuinely believe the concept of women delaying families for a career is a complete myth.

I think you are totally, totally wrong about that. I think many women purposely delay motherhood until their late 30's now and just assume that IVF will be available and will work if and when they need it too.

I am no fan of having children too young but I do think women need to be more realistic about how easy it is going to be for them to conceive naturally past their late thirties.

Also I don't think it's actually a good thing at all for society to have a shift towards more and more parents being in their sixties by the time their children are 20.

[applecatchers36]

I don't think egg freezing is the magic answer and doesn't guarantee healthy pregnancies or healthy live births necessarily this is misnomer

[Marilynsbigsister]

You only have to spend 5 minutes on the relationships board to realise what a crazy idea it is to encourage women to prioritise a 'biologically appropriate ' age when thinking about children above those who have waited to find a solid, stable relationship with a partner who is going into parenthood with equal commitment.
So much more preferable to get pregnant to the first bloke that shows some interest, present him with a pregnancy 'accident' (not many 20yr old blokes actively wish for children at that age) he then buggers off soon after, leaving mother and child with a host of social and economic and often educational disadvantages that are almost impossible to turn around. Great idea !

If ANY urgent changes are made to the national curriculum with regard to PSHE , it is to educate ALL women on their legal rights surrounding having children and living together/marriage. Much more important, in my opinion for women to be fully aware of how little rights they have if they live with their partner without marriage and have children. Thinking especially of sahm's who earn little or no income.