Guest post: 'The cost of women's caring work is immeasurable'

[MumsnetGuestPosts]

The Office for National Statistics is launching a study to calculate the value of unpaid work. For women, who make up the majority of unpaid workers, such a thing is long overdue. Nevertheless, I wonder how it will work in practice. How do we put a price on what we do for our nearest and dearest? And when is a job really a job – and when is it just a matter of personal standards?

The study will be using “the market cost of paying someone to perform the household chore”. This sounds straightforward, but it assumes that the only alternative to paying someone to do a task is doing it yourself. For many of the tasks mentioned, such as ironing, vacuuming and cleaning, I happen to know of a third alternative: just not doing it at all. Rather than “employing myself” as my family's unpaid maid, I've opted for us wearing crumpled clothes and living in a filthy house. It’s not something I'm particularly proud of – I don't have a secret collection of those “boring people have tidy homes” fridge magnets – but the truth is, there are things I'd rather do once I've finished work and put the kids to bed (such as sit here, in a dust-and-toy-strewn living room, blogging about how useless I am at keeping things clean).

But does this mean I'm failing to prove my worth? Perhaps, if one applied the thinking of the average management consultant, it would turn out I'm actually more efficient than the average housewife/husband. I've done away with all the superfluous roles and am running the ultimate streamlined, competitive organisation. This household is fully focussed on just a few key roles: cooking, washing up, laundry, the odd squirt of Mr Muscle Shower Shine, and the twice-yearly mad cleaning panic whenever my mum's coming to visit. There may be further efficiencies to achieve (perhaps I could keep my visiting mum confined to one room only?) but thus far we're meeting all our immune system targets and the iron hasn't been used in months. Of course, it's been sad to let Mr Sheen and Barry Scott go, but there just haven't been any suitable vacancies in the organisation.

Clearly I'm being flippant (although my house is a tip), and what I haven't yet mentioned is the hardest “household” task of all: that of being a carer. Not doing the ironing is one thing; neglecting children and/or sick and elderly relatives is quite another. The cost of women's caring work is, I think, immeasurable, and I find it strange to see it lumped together with more general household tasks, many of which I'd instantly shove into the category “can't be arsed”. I don't think caring works like that. Indeed, it's hard to describe how it does work within our current system of rewarding labour, and I doubt the ONS survey will be able to capture this.

There is a type of physical and emotional labour that we demand of women in particular which can't be shoehorned into our current frameworks. There's no clear way of breaking down what women do for others within a domestic setting. We're not cleaners, teachers, nurses, nannies, therapists rolled into one; some of the time, we're just there. To put a price on the work of parents and/or carers is to disregard the hardest part of what they do. What would be the market value of this level of commitment? How could you ever describe it?

Mothers At Home Matter argue that “there has never been, in the history of time, any ‘cost-free’ childcare for any family”. This is, sort of, true. There have, however, always been designated carers upon whom to depend: slaves, working-class women and women in general, and our systems of reward have been based on the assumption that such people will simply do what's necessary without the need for any great recompense. A route out of this could be to re-examine the monetary value of caring, but another might be to look at the human cost and to try to see how a truly fair, humane society would approach the carer role. The academic Nancy Fraser proposes that rather than “elevating caregiving to breadwinning” through financial allowances (in order to create a type of artificial parity between the two), feminists should be pushing for a “universal caregiver model […] which would induce men to become more like women are now: people who combine employment with primary caregiving responsibilities”. We need to position caregiving at the centre of all our lives; it is not just an alternative job. The fact that something so important has been treated as worthless ought to make us question our priorities overall.

I hope the ONS calculation does make people realise the degree to which unpaid workers, and carers in particular, support the economy. I hope, too, that this is understood in gendered terms (reporting in The Times and The Telegraph has thus far been resistant to this, focusing on the more unusual example of a heterosexual couple in which the man does the majority of unpaid work). In the long term, however, I think we need to move beyond seeing the workplace as the default setting for “doing any activity that is of value”. It's not possible to measure everything. If we were truly committed to sharing our resources – our time, our labour, our compassion – we wouldn't even need to try.

[wonderstuff]

Dear Son and Dear Husband - there's a list somewhere - but I'm not sure where.

[CindyVine]

I am quite new here. What does DS and DH stand for?

[JaneAHersey]

The average age of a young carer is 12 to 13 They are expected to carry out all the tasks that adults get involved in. Personal care, emotional care, physical care. Many children are thrown into this role as I was at a very young age, in my case I was 6 years old, socially isolated caring for a mother with clinical depression, diabetes, eating disorders and prescribed medication. I had to nurse her as she was dying and I was given no help.

We haven't scratched the tip of the iceberg when it comes to understanding the impact of caring and the unrealistic expectations society has on females of all ages.

[CharethCutestory]

yy Decca, I'm stunned at how articulate the OP and responses are. I've recently become active in several women's groups and I'm saving this thread for reference!

[DeccaMitford]

Wow some really intelligent and compassionate comments and commenters here. Feels rare to be among such like-minded people!

[Snow1]

One of the things that works (and why I moved to Norway) is higher paid "low" salaries, and less high paid "high" salaries, and flat management. It tends to mean there is less point in going for that promotion to get the glory/ lots of extra money as there is not a huge reward for doing so. There's also less visible disparity between people, so there's not so much jealousy causing people to try and catch up with the Jones.

The overall result is that it tends to stop people desperately trying to get that promotion, and therefore people just work 8-4 and that's it. I don't think I've ever been told to stay late, but have been told quite a few times to go home, it's too late and you need to do stuff outside work etc. Flexitime/ part time work is also much more normal since live outside of work is built into the culture a lot more.

But how do you change a whole culture/ economic system to change like that?

Sorry for going off topic with the reply.

[wonderstuff]

I wonder what the solution is to this - I imagine when more men and women try to negotiate? Ideally my husband and I would work 8 days a week between us. We have similar salaries, so no clear one person to take the career hit - and we can't afford to cut down to one salary - or rather we aren't prepared to make the sacrifices that would entail. Its so hard. I am going to go FT for career satisfaction, because it would I think really benefit my organisation to structure me in a more senior role - but I really worry that no one will be doing the 'being there' we will have less quality time. I can buy in cleaners and afterschool clubs - but not getting the uniforms sorted and answering the school letters, the listening to reading and going over spellings, having tea ready early so we can do stories and bathtime too, the decorating and the toy sorting, the christmas shopping.. I want some time for just me too - to crochet or read a book for pleasure, to go out to lunch and catch up with friends. I know lots of mothers work full-time and make it work, but it must be a strain for most.

[Blondieminx]

YY Bonsoir although according to Gove MP's can get north of £65k for 2.5 days a week in Parliament.

The glass ceiling is one thing but there is also the invisible part time gate - it only opens in existing jobs and cannot be opened at a new organisation :(

[Bonsoir]

The difficulty of working part time for meaningful money is very real.

[wonderstuff]

I don't think it's even always about money. I work 4 days, I'd love to work 3, but work wants me full time, we have a culture that won't often accept flexible working and job-shares, certainly at a senior level.

[Snow1]

Great post Cailindana. I would also have to agreeQueenoftheRant. The problem is most people are obsessed with money and new possessions, so to be able to fund the lifestyle it requires long hours etc. So even if you want to have less hours/ spend more time caring then it becomes almost impossible since with more people getting more money it results in inflation, forcing you to work to get enough money to live on.

[QueenoftheRant]

Applause, Callindana.

I've had trouble in the past getting my dh to understand that I don't like being a single parent while he clears off, abroad or not, for work trips. Not what I signed up for.

But the real problem is as you say that he has to do it, his work demands it of him. Sometimes its for work itself, other times its for training to keep up in his work.

I remember reading an old - 80's - article which mentioned how anglo-american culture was fundamentally anti- family. (Will try to remember it). And anti- family, despite certain rabid right-wing elelments going on about children as a lifestyle choice, means anti-people. A culture that us anti-people. Why are work hours so dissociated from school hours, for instance, now - I know why it started that way but why now . Why do we have such long work hours in a supposedly rich country and why is wealth so obviously badly distributed.

I've also read articles about the relative need to work in different societies - 8 hours a week on average for hunter gatherers, 20 for farmers, 40- odd for us. Progress?

Why has there never been a revolution in Britain?

just a few musings...

[Bonsoir]

BatterseaGirl - I agree and as societies get richer and more comfortable, the more, on average, people tend to take social care for granted and not want to pay for it.

Doctors, teachers and academics were higher status professions in the past than they are today.

[morethanpotatoprints]

Its also important to remember that some people thrive on being there.
Just doing things for the family, making sure the day runs smoothly, managing the home and the people within it.
By that I don't mean doing everything for them but helping and assisting, nurturing and educating.
I think society has it wrong at times but tend not to listen to those who have negative or judgemental comments about what I choose to do, they aren't me or my family, they don't know my family and how we work.

[RedButtonhole]

Thanks Decca I try not to let it get to me too
much, there's no way that it would put me off pursuing a career that I'm really passionate about and that will enable me to really help people when I get a job at the end of it. I'm studying to become a nurse, maybe they'll change their attitudes if they need to rely on me for care one day.

[BatterseaGirl]

The problem is that traditional work is rewarded with money and it is not calculated according to the social value that the job has. Look at the jobs that have the most social value - nurses, doctors, teachers, refuse collectors, street cleaners etc. compared to those jobs which I would say have least social value - film stars, celebrities, tax advisors etc. and see who gets rewarded the most. The social value of women's work I would say is pretty much near the top of the list but as economic contribution doesn't work according to social value it won't be that high.

[sewingmummy]

This is such an important topic, really enjoying reading the post and the comments. This is something that is very close to my heart as a SAHM for the past 5 years. My self-esteem has been at rock-bottom at times due to feeling useless because I don't work. I love the ethos behind Mothers at Home Matter & follow them on Twitter and was a member for a time. I found one of their leaflets in the GP surgery back in 2013 & it was almost as if a weight was lifted off my shoulders...I've kept the leaflet & still read it from time to time, especially this bit:

"Mothers at home do matter.
What they do matters enormously.
Because much of their work is invisible it is all too easy to downplay their crucial role in the home and in society at large.'

I've had judgements about being a SAHM from friends, family members & even people I hardly know. I'm fed up of it.

I was listening to Radio 4 recently and Sandi Toksvig was talking about childcare issues and said that basically as women we can never get it right...if you don't have children you're seen as heartless & unloving, if you work & have children you're seen as selfish and if you stay at home with your children, you're seen as lazy.

Damned if you do and damned if you don't....

[stillstandingatthebusstop]

I have a son with learning difficulties and as a result of needing to care for him and push and encourage him to be the best person he can be I have given up my career and I have a very part time, very low paid job.

One thing that annoys me is the way I am treated by a lot of professionals that work with my son. They assume that I am an idiot and often that I am part of the problem because I am his carer. At the moment the main thing I do is to care for my son but this doesn't mean that my views are less important. I was a professional, I have a degree (if that's relevant), I know my son's current needs and I remember what has happened in the past which can give a useful insight into strategies that might/won't work this time. I am fed up of being talked down to.

[KERALA1]

I remember reading the comparison that if a person leaves a job there is minimal impact, you can get another job no one is particularly affected or really cares, outwit the individual. However if a mother (or father if primary caregiver) just left a family with young children the effect would ripple down through generations. Put it in perspective for me somehow.

[skolastica]

I don't think that we can ever overvalue caring and nurturing.

My stance is that if the caring and nurturing is done properly, then there will be less need for psychotherapists, prisons, charities and benefits and any other of the 'professions' that need to exist to support dysfunctional adults.

Those who do a good job of caring contribute massively to society by reducing costs further down the line.

[DeccaMitford]

This is such an excellent piece, enhanced by the wonderful 1st comment by Cailindana

It sums up many of my feelings about why I WANTED to be a SAHM and why I valued my mum being a SAHM mum while I was little. Just being there, on alert all day, is hard work but so worth it and rewarding in the long run. It's 'value' may be immeasurable and this piece has reminded me of that on a tough day when I've been running around like mad and feeling guilty that I might not be doing enough. How terrible it was that I sat with a purring cat on my lap for an hour while I did internet shopping after dropping my son at nursery (!)

Redbuttonhole with friends like that you don't need enemies! Luckily my friends, especially my NCT friends, know how hard it is and frequently remind me of the fact when I'm doubting it in myself, as does my husband. I've always been my own toughest critic and I think the echo of 'society's expectations' in my head has a lot to do with that. But society's opinions are not always right and change over time, so I think it's important to do what you want to do and try to ignore that nagging voice, whether it comes from within or from your 'friends'.

[JaneAHersey]

Sorry, but this is a cynical attempt by the government to use the ONS as an election tool.

The ONS would be better placed to carry out research on the thousands of women suffering domestic violence and have lost the right to legal aid.

Last year the government allowed local authorities to assess young carers contribution financially. Bearing in mind that the work of a young carer involves domestic chores, emotional support, personal care etc. However, cuts to local authorities, cuts to disability benefits and the bedroom tax all mean that child/young carers are plunged deeper into poverty, stress and lifelong trauma. Many children are now having to help care for elderly relatives with eg dementia because of health and social care cuts.

68% of informal carers suffer anxiety and depression. Many have had to give up work as a result of their caring role and are in debt. Informal carers save the government £119 billion a year.

We know the cost of caring is immeasurable and can also devastate the lives of carers, physically, emotionally and financially that is why we need a government and society that values the role of all carers.

[RedButtonhole]

Perfect post Callindana.

I recently gave up my job to study and it has been implied by many of my friends that "I get to sit on my arse at home half the week". Except that when I'm at home I'm doing everything that needs done in the house, picking up my son and caring for him, all the things that have been mentioned. I do all of it without any support from a partner or non-resident parent and it's quite upsetting that because I'm not currently in paid work, I seem to have become worthless to society.

[Bowchickawowow]

I think there is a difference between being a "carer" and being a parent though. If you are caring for an elderly parent, for example, that is a very different dynamic and that has an economic impact in a way that looking after your own children doesn't.

[winterland]

Great post C. And an interesting article. Be interested to know what the figure is that the ons come up with. It must be quite subjective as parents/mothers have different standards of parenting and home keeping?