Guest post: Jo Swinson - 'It's astonishing how quickly confidence evaporates on maternity leave'

[MumsnetGuestPosts]

We all know that body confidence is about more than how you look. It's about feeling at ease with yourself, it's about how you teach your children to negotiate their own self-image and well-being, and it's about doing these things in a society that is fiercely obsessed with personal appearance.

Many people assume that poor body image is mainly the reserve of teenage girls, but new figures from the British Social Attitudes Survey show that women aged 35-49 have the lowest satisfaction with their physical appearance of any age group. We also know that poor body image is associated with lower confidence and aspirations, depression and a range of self-destructive behaviours.

Lots of women in this age bracket have young children, and lots of them work, too. They are the classic sandwich generation; often caring for both older and younger dependents, and short of the time and money needed to really take care of themselves. What's interesting is that once women get over 50, their body image leaps. Women aged 50-64 have the highest appearance satisfaction of all, which does suggest that mothering young children has a massive impact.

Having children changes your body, and time away from the workplace can impact on your confidence. After I had my son, I worried that I wouldn't enjoy going back to work, or that I would have somehow forgotten everything. It's quite astonishing how quickly confidence can evaporate on maternity leave. Within just a few weeks, I was anxious about how I would conduct myself at a work event – would I slot back into “work mode”, now I was so used to being a mum? At the same time, your body is amazing but unrecognisable, ricocheting through a range of intense changes and coping with continually broken sleep. And while that completely frazzled ‘will-I-ever-manage-to-eat-a-hot-meal-again?’ phase doesn't last forever, I think your feelings about your body and its place in the world probably change for good.

What makes it even more difficult is that our society seems to have lost a little perspective. Physical presentation is so central to how women are judged and valued that keeping up appearances has become a whole new job for women, alongside our other roles. You don't have to go along with this, of course, but without doubt there are social penalties if you refuse to play the game. Many women talk about the ‘invisible at 40’ phenomenon, and perhaps that's what it is – an age group who have lost social visibility and status, because being a mother is not valued in the way it should be, because they're overstretched and spend a lot of time putting energy into other people, and because they're constantly compared to the botoxed, baby-body-bounce-back ideals of their celebrity counterparts.

What happened to beauty and fashion being about self-expression, creativity and fun? Sometimes it feels like they’re just another area where we can feel guilty and down on ourselves for not measuring up.

That's why the Government is supporting Body Confidence Week, which is a fantastic opportunity for everyone to celebrate positive body image and challenge the negative attitudes and actions that lead to poor self-esteem. We are marking this week by launching specially tailored guidance and activities for people who work with teenagers. It is absolutely vital that we support our children to develop resilience in the face of this pressure, to help them to avoid a lifetime of low body confidence and stop this cycle before it begins.

Jo Swinson will be on Twitter from 6.30pm on Friday evening, to discuss body confidence live. Do join her using the hashtag #bodyconfidence.

[ZumZee]

I'm afraid I am with the majority of previous posters. Toolkits, guidance and activities won't solve the underlying issues our society has with the objectification of women, and the corrosive influence our media has on women's self esteem.

In all walks of life women are judged for style and not substance. This is not in our heads, it cannot be cured by positive thinking. It is real and discriminatory. It's in our faces, whether you are a tv presenter, a banker or indeed even a politician. You have to address the issue rather than just try and make people feel better about it.

[perfectstorm]

So Ms Swinson has to do everything herself? Fix every issue, be the standard bearer for everything that's wrong?

I think an approach to women that focuses on how they look at their bodies, and posits that body image is at the root of self-esteem, is as revealing as it is depressing.

I'll worry about body image when both cousins in high paying jobs weren't screwed over on maternity leave. I'll make it my priority when the Fawcett Society and the Supreme Court aren't in agreement that the cuts disproportionately impact women. I'll make it my priority when I don't need to worry that my girl will face rape threats online for voicing any sort of a position that isn't against feminism, and when I can have confidence that women are paid equally, and when what school a girl attends doesn't largely determine her chances of taking an interest in STEM subjects. I'll worry about body image when women who choose to stay at home rather than pay external childcare are given a transferrable tax allowance to recognise the costs of reproduction. And finally, I'll worry about appearance when women stop posting on Mumsnet, talking worriedly about sexual assault and rape in their relationships, and both they and some other posters seem astonished that forcible sexual contact when consent has clearly been refused is anything more than frigidity, because consent - what's that, if it isn't agreeing to shack up with someone? All those things affect self-esteem or are illustrations of a related dearth of it. Objectifying women is an issue but it's symptomatic, not causal, and even more importantly this initiative seems to be placing the responsibility for that on the individual women affected and utterly ignoring social context. Which is insulting, frankly.

Self-esteem for women is not just, or even mainly, down to the societal messages on appearance. It's also down to societal messages about inherent value. If many women value themselves little, then that's highly likely to be because society agrees with them, not because they're overly addicted to Grazia.

[floatyflo]

Absolutely agree with everything Rooty has said do far. 100%.

Some people need to just OPEN THEIR EYES.

[perfectstorm]

The sing song, conspiratorial tone is an excellent illustration of the government's tendency to talk to and about women as though they are halfwits.

Indeed.

[ZumZee]

And yes, I also find presenting this as a problem women have, and need to fix, about themselves quite offensive.

[McFox]

100% agree with rootypig. This is just depressing, we deserve a lot better than this.

[cailindana]

Totally agree ZumZee.

Focusing on diet fads in magazines so spectacularly misses the point it's almost comedic. Grazia and the like write about diets because there is a market for it. There is a market for it because Jo's government and every other government previous to that have done nothing to address the causes of low self esteem, like rape culture, low pay, lack of recognition for childrearing, cuts that mean women struggle more than men, lack of role models in power etc etc.

I can't believe we are still being fed this bullshit.

[PseudoBadger]

I really thought this was going to be about work. I look better than I ever have done and am far healthier after two children. Career however, that ain't so healthy and robust

[cailindana]

But you don't need a career Pseudo, just concern yourself with children and baking like a good woman. The good news is, the government will help you feel sexy so you can keep your owner man!

[northernlurker]

The attacks on body image and thereby on female self esteem are a product of misogyny. In teaching and encouraging, in particular, our daughters to resist those attacks, we are combating an aspect of the misogyny which then also affects our lives in many ways. It IS tied up with the other issues raised - sexual violence, opportunity at work, equal pay because it is all a product of the same cultural context.

[ZumZee]

I agree northern but in focussing on the self-esteem issue rather than the underlying misogyny, or the other issues such as the pay gap, career issues and sexual violence, you turn it into a "women's" problem and put the onus on is alone to fix it. Instead of tackling the societal issues behind it. I have a problem with this.

[Timetoask]

British Social Attitudes Survey show that women aged 35-49 have the lowest satisfaction with their physical appearance of any age group

This is interesting. I thought worries about physical appearance were more a concern for the teenage years. I am 41, I am not a beauty, but I have never felt more satisfied with my appearance than now.

I now have time to go to the gym 4 times a week, I have time to cook healthy meals (rather than eat rubbish because I was always working long hours), I have time to spend with my kids. Life is great. I am a SAHM.

When I go back to work (which I will), I will have confidence in my abilities, because I proved myself in the workplace before having children. However, the question is: will potential employers have the same confidence in me???

[Llareggub]

It wasn't my body confidence that was the issue after maternity leave. I've chatted to a few other women about this and we all agree that our confidence dipped on our return to work.

For us, it was about getting out of the habit of speaking in meetings, a loss of fluency in the language of work and the loss of time amassing knowledge. Things change in a year.

It's the same for those who go off with a long term illness. That's why I think it is important to recognise that not everyone will return and hit the ground running after time out.

New starters to an organisation get a structured induction programme, and I think supportive and sensible employers must give some thought to how to support people back into the workplace, whether it is after maternity or sickness.

This body confidence stuff is too fluffy for me to concern myself with.

[ZumZee]

Does guest post just mean opening post? Or will Jo Swinson come back to this discussion?

[cailindana]

She'll be on twitter at 6.30 this evening Zum

[mymummademelistentoshitmusic]

What a patronising load of twaddle. Does it come with a pat on the head, or just a raised gist and 'You go, girl'.
Now pop off, pet, and find something useful to do.

[ssd]

how annoying is it when women have babies and suddenly they want to tell everyone how it is when you have a baby, they don't seem to realise loads of us have found out their new found knowledge years ago and have carried on with our lives.

its cringey

[houghtonk76]

I have to agree with some of the comments here - am due to go on Mat Leave next year and can see how I may struggle to go back to work, but think it has less to do with body image and more to do with loosing touch with the working world. Though I do agree we need to support young people with issues around body image (both girls and boys) as, having been a Careers Adviser for 12 years, I know first hand how other people's opinions impact on young people. One thing I think will support mums to be to feel part of society though would be greater encouragement to retailers to have a maternity wear section; H & M has one, but M & S and Next both said only available online. H & M also mostly sells maternity skinny jeans and is very limited on smart work wear, not really appropriate for professional 38 year olds like myself.

[Adview]

Jo Swinson I miss you and all your fresh opinions and not least that superb figure...

[Langrycleg]

What is her Definition of women these days, I wonder? Is it those of us that take on many different roles and are never recognised with actual financial reward through the reality of our biology or not?