how to develop very bright toddler

[Cornberry]

I know this is a controversial topic but my 20 month old is very bright and apparently advanced (what we keep being told as she is our first) and I just want to to know what to do to make sure she is getting the stimulation she needs to make the most of her ability. She attends a wonderful nursery where she receives a lot of attention and they target activities at her level, which is fantastic. I just want to know what you do with a gifted child. She can speak well already, count to ten, say the alphabet, understands most things, has a remarkable memory, picks things up very fast and startles us daily by using words we're sure she's only heard once. She started walking at about ten months and has always been big for her age. Today at nursery they said she was recognising names of animals on flash cards. Should I be doing something to help her?! I don't want to inflate her achievements and I wouldn't have thought much of it having no frame of reference, but the nursery stuff make such a fuss that I want to do right by her and help her potential to be realised. Thanks for advice!

[Tantpoke]

My DS who is now 11 is gifted and talented and is often remarked upon as a genius by his teachers.
He is self taught, he learns what he wants himself. He reads and watches what he wants and retains the information that interests him the most.
He taught himself phonetics before starting school by watching alphblocks on the computer.
He taught himself to spell from a usbourne wipe clean spelling book in pre school.
He is obsessed with maths and science and thoroughly enjoys these subjects at school. His teachers love teaching him and give him extra hard questions and stuff to keep him interested.
He helps his friends with maths etc.
Although he is a brilliant writer he hates English language so does the minimum required to everyone's frustration.
He spends hours on his iPad, DS and PlayStation.
He has his SATS coming up in few weeks and hasn't looked at the revision books, barely glanced at them. I haven't pushed him to look at them, just told him it would be a good idea to have a skim through so he knows what to expect.
I am the least pushy mum ever, he's a clever boy who is interested in what he's interested in and that's that really. I just let him get on with it and he's doing brilliantly.
He's well mannered, a bit bonkers as boys can be, thoughtful, pretty well rounded with a lovely group of close friends of all different abilities.

[UnaOfStormhold]

Read up on how to encourage a growth mindset - it's easy for bright children to get praised for achievements that come easily, so they don't learn to apply themselves to get better at things they initially find hard. (I was a very early reader etc and as an adult I really have to work to stay in a growth mindset.)

[SleepFreeZone]

I think Tantpoke has it. Encourage learning but nothing forced. If they have a thirst for knowledge they will seek out that information themselves if you give them the resources.

See what they like doing and use that as your cue. My four year old is really into giving stuff (dad is an engineer) but isn't at all interested in writing or drawing or anything creative really. So whilst I try and encourage the things he ought to be doing I nurture the stuff he really enjoys as this gives him confidence. DS2 on the other hand is totally different, concentrates on the most intricate tasks at 14 months and o suspect might enjoy more creative pursuits once at preschool.

[SleepFreeZone]

*fixing stuff

[Tantpoke]

Instead of making him study his revision books for his SATS we have spent the easter holiday with friends and family going to the park, trips to National Trust, Easter egg hunting, Trips to London (he wanted to go to the new Lego shop) just hanging out and doing memorable fun things. And doing the easy crosswords on the train to and from London in the Metro and evening standard.

[Silverdream]

Listen to the pp who say play with her. Let her explore. Get mucky.
These teach the child problem solving , thinking outside the box and how to take risks. Life skills that are so important.

[Tantpoke]

Yes sleepfree my DS also hates drawing (gets his little sister to do any of his drawing homework which he swaps for helping her with her maths and spelling)
My DS was obsessed with puzzles at an early age and would do tons and tons of them so a bit like fixing I guess. He just loves his maths and science.

[littledinaco]

praise her for being clever

There is a lot of research that suggests against this.
Instead, praise her for persevering with something that she finds difficult or for trying to do something that she was unable to do.

[BigWeald]

Clearly you have been doing something right so far, so I'd suggest to keep doing what you have been!

The one thing you could perhaps pay some extra attention to, is the growth mindset as mentioned by PPs.

In the long term, if you want her to 'achieve her potential', then the risks stemming from perfectionism and anxiety are probably the greatest. Praise her for working hard at something that doesn't come easily, show her (by example perhaps) that making mistakes/getting something wrong is a good thing insomuch as it is a learning opportunity. Celebrate/enjoy the 'learning', 'discovering' and 'exploring' rather than than the achievement. The journey rather than the destination so to say. If she retains her joy in learning, not much can go wrong; especially if she realises that learning something that was 'hard' is especially satisfying.

[user789653241]

"especially if she realises that learning something that was 'hard' is especially satisfying."

This is the most difficult part, ime. Able children get most of the things so easily. Learning to be persistent and resilient didn't come naturally to my ds, and still is hard.
I wish I had introduced him to learning musical instrument earlier. It seems to teach him the joy and struggle of working hard at something.

[Cornberry]

Many thanks for all your replies. The suggestions you have all made are pretty much what we are doing. Lots of good advice about alone time, etc.

I think maybe some people might have misunderstood. I don't think she's a prodigy and I don't want to push her to be super-aheiving, I just don't want to miss the opportunity to give her chances to do things she could be good at which would benefit her in the long term. One poster mentioned music lessons - i guess that was the kind of thing i had in mind really. I was a bright child (not exceptional by any means) and I have turned into a terrible under-achiever and I just don't want that for her. My parents gave me opportunities but didn't push me but that didn't make any difference. I just want to get it right!

And I take the point that kids tend to even out in terms of ability - something I have noticed too, but my daughter has a cousin the exact same age and she can literally only say mummy and daddy. Clearly the approach to these two children cannot be the same in terms of targeting their needs and I want to be sure we adapt to her needs, and have the right pace, regardless of whether she slows down or speeds up.

I work in a school, and a lot of energy is expended on struggling kids and very little on those who are doing well, and while the nursery have the staff to give my daughter extra attention, if she continues to be advanced I don't want to rely on the education system to challenge her. That doesn't mean I want to make her sit home and do maths exercises during the holidays. I just wanted to know what people with bright kids have done to help them thrive.

[Atenco]

Still bear in mind the cousin may be end up outshining your dd. My dd was very much on time for speaking and primary school was a doddle for her, whereas my friend's dd was a late speaker and failed entrance exams for 3 primary schools (I know, weird, but this is Mexico). However that same girl has now got a Masters with honours and several published novels under her belt and though I am proud of my dd she hasn't anything near that.

[trimbly]

hello! i first made a mn account to browse helpful threads, but i have some experience with this so i thought i'd help you out (: op, it's great that you're brainstorming things to challenge your daughter, i think it'll be really good for her!
at the age of five, i was recommended to go for 'gifted and talented' testing where i was identified as 'gifted' and put into a school for students who were the same. in that school, they took the content they were required to teach and made it more challenging (which made it more interesting for students), i found this was extremely beneficial. i had always heard people transferring out of the public school system and into ours (it's a charter school) they had all liked it better (and preformed better) when they were given more challenging content. i think when your dd gets older, you should take her for testing to see if she is classified as 'gifted' in your education system (i live in canada, though, so i'm not sure if this is available/helpful/significant in the UK, but you should definitely look around for testing as well as schools that cater to this need.)
in the meantime, i think that music programs, walks, baking, etc. would be great for her! but, you shouldn't force her into anything she doesn't want to do. find out what interests her and focus on that (:
best of luck to you two!

[NeverTwerkNaked]

Ah ok, your second message makes a lot more sense.
These are my suggestions
-encourage their interests: eg if they like space then go to museums about that, ensure you have books about that

• access to learning opportunities: so (at my sons request) I bought some maths etc work books. I never make him do them but if he complains of being bored I will remind him of their existence and often he gets them out enthusiastically
  
• my parents paid for tutoring if we had a rubbish teacher in a subject at school and were therefore under achieving
  
• at preschool age, I think exploring and learning about the world we live in is key - travelling, chatting, going on all sorts of adventures, learning to socialise, and learning to take instructions (so any kind of class, sport, dance, whatever).
  
• finding ways to keep them motivated if they dip- I got lazy and coasted as a teenager and I wish my parents had bribed me to get decent results in my exams, those friends worked harder!
  
• success in life is never just about academic skills, so teaching resilience, social skills, problem solving skills etc are all key. I'm in a very academic job now but those skills alone would never be enough to even get past interview.
  
• setting high expectations- not in the sense of piling on pressure, but it was always just assumed in my family that we would go to a decent university, and so it would never have crossed my mind to aim for anything else. there wasn't any awful pressure, but the message was there that this was very much within reach.
  

Just enjoy their childhood, follow their interests, try lots of different things and adventures. When they do want to do academic stuff then go with it! Ds, since he was tiny, has made me set him maths questions when we are on car journeys. I ask the questions for as long as he wants me to but then stop.

[user789653241]

nrich.maths.org/early-years

[2cats2many]

While following all of the advice above, also try to remember that this is her life- not a rerun of yours with a chance to correct all of the 'mistakes' that may have been made.

[NeverTwerkNaked]

Too right 2cats . Few things more likely to make a child miserable!

[randomuntrainedcuntowner]

Sorry, but your dd does not sound exceptional, my dd was doing those things by that age. People say those things for something to say/be kind. Please don't hothouse her. My dd is 6 now and doing very well at school and socially, but it is from no special effort from us. Just make sure she is in a half decent nursery/primary school, read with her at bedtime, and keep the dialogue between you going with lots of fun activities and she will be fine. Please don't create an anxious child by putting all these expectations and demands on her. There is more to life than academic excellence, and if you end up with a well balanced dd who is meeting all expectations for her age, then you need to simply count your blessings.

[user789653241]

That's funny, Miaow.
My ds was selective mute to other children.
Once at toddler group, one older boy told my ds he was stupid because he can't even talk yet.(I think he was about 2.)

[NeverTwerkNaked]

Good point miaow.

[Cornberry]

I understand what some of you are saying, but this isn't an issue of comparison! I don't care about the achievements of other children in comparison. I am not making any assumptions about the cousin. It is a frame of reference for me as a parent to try and judge how to best bring up my daughter right now. My husband and I are teaching her names of flowers when we go out. I don't think that is something that is yet right for her cousin. She may grown up to win the nobel prize but I'm not going to allow that to affect how I bring up my daughter..?! So this isn't about predicting wild academic success - I couldn't give two shits about that. She's growing up fast and I don't want to make the mistake of missing the chance to develop her on any/every level. There is no competitive element and no question of trying to repair my own mistakes through her. I'm afraid I'm much too self-aware for that.

I'm a bit sad that a lot of the responses have been in the tone I had sort of expected. I wasn't asking people to appraise my daughter's intelligence, and if your child is even smarter I'm very happy for you! That's great but, I just wanted some specific ideas of how to keep her stimulated and I thank those of you who made constructive suggestions :)

[NeverTwerkNaked]

miaow