The Glass Ceiling - part 3

[WoodHeaven]

This is a continuation of the first two threads.
Please free to join us as we discussed challenges faced by our dcs (and how to kake the best of the giftiness)

Previous thread The glass celining - part 2

[var123]

IdealWeather yes, unfortunately, that is where it might all fall down.

[IdealWeather]

Oh I do hope that they will be much more careful from now on and wiill takle it.
Your ds might have to let them know when it happens though....

[var123]

The school have suspended the main bully and given isolation to one of his "helpers".

I don't think the school did take it seriously previously. I told them but they weren't listening or thinking it was just a series of one-offs. Then DS started to lie to me as he thought me telling the school again would only make it worse and he is deeply embarrassed so he doesn't like relating it over and over to the teachers. So, no one knew (except obviously all the witnesses).

They are taking it seriously now though, I hope. Communication with parents is not proving to be a strong point - there has been none since the day it was reported. However, DS assures me that all bullying has stopped.

Its the end of term tomorrow, so i may ask for an update later today. Whether I will get a reply or not though is a different story.

[IdealWeather]

var what is the school doing about it?
If that has been going on since primary, it looks like very little has been done and your poor ds very much has been left to get on with it.

Something is telling me that if things were so bad you thought about calling the police, then maybe you do need to call the Police (esp as the school doesn't seem to be able to 'contain'/deal with the issue)

[Greenleave]

Oh VaR I am sorry I didnt get it at first. It sounds awful. I hope it gets sorted now!

[var123]

I don't know why the bully picked on DS. It started at primary school and never stopped, just morphed and got nastier. I think maybe DS just hovered into view when the bully felt like bullying someone and then got stuck.

I had him over for playdates when they were younger before the bullying started. . He was very boastful and very self-assured (read: cheeky). I believed him that he was top of the class for everything but now he's in middle sets for everything, so if he resents better academic performance, then he's got a lot of candidates to choose from.

I honestly think the bully just needed someone to bully. He's very controlling and he was isolating DS (as well as all the other types of bullying that have ever been invented). I've known him since he was little. TBH I think there's something wrong with him.

As to the seriousness of what's been happening: DH is very laid back and easy going, slow to take offence and quick to forget. I will never forget the grey colour on his face when he heard what DS has gone through. It is haunting me because what Ds described was just awful.

[IdealWeather]

Oh it's WoodHeaven btw, name change and all that.

[IdealWeather]

Here we have no parents evening until June so no way to see what the teachers think.
We've had a report that is telling us very little.
My main concern is that ds is getting very complacent and it shows...,

[IdealWeather]

It's so nice to hear that var. Nice to see that they are finally on the ball!

I do hope that the bullying get sorted. Is it linked to his abilities/being seen as nerd or is he a target for very different reasons?
If you have been thinking about calling the police, it must have been very bad!

[Ambroxide]

Var, it sounds like your son's school is on the ball at last. Long may it continue.

[teacherwith2kids]

"Suddenly DS's easy ability at school work seems completely unimportant."

Absolutely. It took DS's selective mutism for me to realise that - and tbh it pretty much changed my whole outlook on what was important in terms of his education. I hope that it gets sorted out.

[user789653241]

Var, it's good to hear positive things about school.
Bullying issue...I don't know what to say. I hope everything goes well.

[Greenleave]

VaR: its great to hear they acknowledged it and he is on the top set for gcse. I am sorry to hear about your school bullying incident. Yes, the most important thing at school still being yourself, happy and have good friends then ofcourse while you are fulfilling your learning dreams. I am happy with my daughter state school as they do care about each individual child being happy and I acceptedthe fact that if I want to stretch her then I will have to diy.

To be honest work has been awfully stressful to the point I really wanted to quit so I havent had much time and focus on her learning lately. We met her teacher last week and she is on top both literacy and maths( cant remember exactly the word). She got every sing answer correctly for any maths test and her writting is "exceptional"(their words). With the amount and love of reading I have no doubt about her writing. She is now saying she wants to be an author. For the last 2 months she was given her own maths set(before they sit her with 4 other children on the top table for all 3 forms). She is now having her own exercise on top of it, so she is being stretched, and happy. I was very proud and glad the first time coming out of a meet the teacher meeting. The most important thing is she doesnt read during play time any more, she plays, has friends and being out alot more, to me its the most important thing.

[var123]

On the downside, we've had bullying to deal with. Its been going on for years, apparently. School have dealt with it but I came very close to calling the police. It has been a nightmare.

Suddenly DS's easy ability at school work seems completely unimportant.

[var123]

I've had the parent's evenings since I last posted on this thread and two major gripes on this thread were addressed (its almost as if the teachers had read the thread and taken the points on board!).

1. Mastery - the school is now saying it doesn't work for the top set and they are going to stop using it next year.
   

1. Honesty - for the first time ever a teacher didn't try to pretend that DS was being challenged, or any of the other empty phrases that make them sound like they are doing something when its obvious they aren't and probably can't. Completely unprompted, the teacher said that DS has done nothing new all year and GCSE won't be any challenge either, neither will most of A level, so he should focus on developing maths skills outside of the classroom that will be used at uni. I didn't even hint! (tbh I was planning to collect his level, hear that they think he'll be top set for GCSE and go - 1 minute at the most).
   

I have to say it was very refreshing not to be subjected to the double-speak.

[user789653241]

My ds have same problem, but he goes to state primary with 30 children in a class. If I was sending my ds to private, I would definitely demand proper differentiation. You are paying for your child's education.

[AprilLady]

Hi all, a maths issue again on which I'd appreciate some advice. I have a parents evening tonight for DS (age 5, Autumn birthday). He is in reception, at a private school and in a small class of 15. The school prides itself on provision for able children, including accreditation from NACE. From what I can tell, this does happen further up the school (year 3 onwards). I know the teacher is aware of DS's current level in reading - she has moved him very quickly up the reading bands and the books he brings home are appropriate. She is also aware that he is ahead in maths, and for the weekly maths homework specifically sends extra challenges for him, some of which are actually stretching. But from what I can tell there is no differentiation happening in class at all, and any progress he has made in maths this year has been stuff done at home.

I am in two minds about whether I say anything to the teacher about this; on the one hand, it's still only reception, I do think things will improve in future years as others catch up to him and I am far more interested in his social development at school at this stage. On the other hand, he clearly finds maths lessons at school boring and I would like this to change. For example, this week at school they are learning and using the number 16. At home last weekend he voluntarily set himself the challenge of answering something like
235 + ? = 427 and got it right.

So do I say something or not?

[Ambroxide]

Very interesting! That Russian School thing sounds lovely. I think it is a bit like (but more advanced) what DD has had this term from the secondary school teacher who comes in when they have to talk about their strategies and logical processes and work out what they are actually thinking as they try to solve a problem. She has absolutely loved it. I have not seen her so enthused about Maths at school for the past three years.

[Mominatrix]

An interesting article for all those with children who feel they are being stifled by traditional maths education (although it is taking place in the US)

www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/03/the-math-revolution/426855/

[Lurkedforever1]

var glad he's feeling more confident. And if he does need to use ds2's one liners, then that should finish it, far more efficiently than any other response he could give

[var123]

I had lunch with a (primary school) teacher friend last week. She was telling me how hard teaching has become in the last five years.

She said that every single person she ever met at teaching college or has worked with in the last 20 years, went into teaching because they want to teach children. However, the job has become less and less about classroom time, to the extent that actual teaching time is now an insignificant part of the job, with the main part being mountains of paperwork that only Ofsted might ever read should it decide to visit and sample the record keeping.

She said what teachers on here have said: teachers are leaving the profession in droves.

I firmly believe that the Tory party wants an educated population. So, what she is describing seems counter-productive. Then it occurred to me, could all this just be a stick to drive schools to leave LEA control?

[Ellle]

Thanks for the update Var. I'm glad your DS1 is feeling more confident now and that he also agreed to let you speak to the school about what was going on.

It made me smile when you said the real solution came from DS2. It's nice to see how his brother is also there for him, and as they are similar in age I'm sure he knows the best things to say to stop the bully in his tracks.

[WoodHeaven]

var It's lovely to see that your ds is feeling more confident.

I don't know if you have seen a couple of threads recently about secondary school teachers who have snapped and left the class due to the mayhem there. If you look at the last one, there are some terrifying descriptions of what happens in class which also match with ds1 description of what happens in class.

It made me wonder. Yes we want the best for our dcs, we want differenciation, deepening etc.. But in these circumstances, is that even possible?

[user789653241]

Thank you var.
I' m glad to hear your ds got a confidence to handle the situation!
I hope it gets better soon.

Thank you Ambroxide. But it was bit too late, We already ordered NPV 80 in the end!( Well my dh did, since ds was constantly pressurizing him to buy soon.) Anyways, spending £300+ was quite a stretch for something uncertain... Hopefully he will continue learning and make us worry about getting a better one next.

[Ambroxide]

Also, var, that sounds very positive. Glad to hear your DS is feeling more confident.