Giftedness disappearing?? Anyone else experienced this at 6yo?

[Pearlington]

Apologies for the length, but I feel I need to give some background to convey the problem. Dd was scary pretty much from birth. But now, age six, I find it seeming to disappear. It's so odd. Ill give some examples of milestones and intellectual prowess for context...

First speech 6 m
Picked out letters spontaneously 11 m
Sentence speech 13 m
Knew all alphabet letters - names and sounds - 14 m
Naming dozens of plants in Latin 16 m
Drawing recognisable faces 19 m
Asking philosophical, science and maths questions 20 m
Writing name 21 m
Reading 26 m

By 2.5 she spoke like an adult, read non fiction obsessively and had incredible insight and unending spontaneous deductive reasoning particularly in science and philosophy.

She was identified as gifted when she started a highly selective pre-prep nursery at 3 and was given Year 2 homework. In reception, the teacher said she may need to skip a year in a couple of years time and her stock phrase was, ?It must be so exhausting to be her. I?ve never seen a young brain active like that. She never stops experimenting with concepts, deducing how things work, analysing everything around her. It?s tiring listening to it and keeping up with it.? The head of pre-prep and school head jointly decided DD should have her own curriculum put in place from Year 2 on. However, starting Year 2, her new teacher told us the other kids had probably caught up over the summer so DD wouldn't need extension work.

Now, she remembers little of what she taught herself then and seems to have lost the endless thirst. She taught herself the names of all the bones in the body, how the organs worked, today she does not seem interested. The eternal incisive questioning has stopped and if I offer to explain something she says it?s boring and she doesn't want to know. If I ask her about things she used to love to discuss, she looks blank or gives a fairly thoughtless (or perhaps more age-appropriate) answer. If something looks challenging, she avoids it. Her brain never seems to get into gear.

She still says amazing things occasionally and about two months ago, I found her in the kitchen trying to extract DNA from her saliva - she'd found instructions in a book and got the whole experiment together on her own. Her reading age at 6 is pretty much adult. But all the burning curiosity and drive has weakened or even gone.

I've never pushed her but responded to her interests. Now I feel a little lost and confused as to what's gone on. I feel like I'm parenting a changeling. I asked her today if science still interested her and she said, "not like it used to. I'd like to know a bit more about cells.""What would you like to know about them?""I dunno". That was it. She has a Brian cox app and watches a lot on space. The only other relevant info I can think of is that I?m currently pregnant and have been seriously ill with my pregnancy and she seems to be suffering enormous self-esteem problems and keeps telling me she is stupid, a bad person and ? today ? a loser.

Does anyone have any thoughts? Has anyone else experienced this? Thanks so much in anticipation.

[Pearlington]

Third time lucky, we live in London!! Good luck. Sounds like a great project.

[Pearlington]

My mum actually lives with us rather than the other way round. Normally breakfast is a lively affair. Just been on hold while I've been ill but I'm getting better every day and managing to get back to normal for mealtimes. I definitely agree that has been an issue. When I came down this morning mum had left the tv on and left my dd in there. I asked if she wanted it off and she said "yes please" and seemed very relieved to be able to chat.

Dd does also love literature, writing, languages, maths, music, history and anything to do with nature, marine biology and science generally so I'm not sure that explains it. As I say, she's back in interested mode with a vengeance. She's going crazy on the maths front and says she wants to write a book at the moment so I honestly think it's been a combination effect of school problems, my illness, crazy screen time and some issues with too many adults giving her discipline in the house (which I put a stop to a few weeks back now).

I can see why you'd suggest bullying, but I really don't think she has any non-academic problems at school. She says the work is mind numbing but she lives for playtime because she has so much fun with her friends. More than half the class have play dates with her so I think she's ok for friends plus she has lots of friends outside school.

Thanks for the thoughtful suggestions!

[Smiler9891]

Ah, that's a shame but feel free to visit my blog and post about your experiences anyway. Any feedback will help the cause, and who knows?! If it works out up here, we could set up camp across the UK! :p (giftednortheast.blogspot.com) Hope you get sorted out. And get well soon. :D x

[LittleBearPad]

She sounds great. Are you happy with her teacher's ability to keep her interested? It's just that the teachers comment that DD needs to recognise there are other children in class sounds like they are struggling a bit.

[Snog]

If you have been in bed sick for two months perhaps there is your answer?

[Pearlington]

TBH LittleBearPad, I don't think the teacher really gets her and I definitely don't think she knows how to engage her. Her last teacher LOVED the chats they had. She used to have lots of in depth discussions that went way off course for the curriculum but got to explore very complex and surprising topics. But this teacher complains that DD keeps wanting to discuss the work and she can't do that. DD says she is a really boring teacher.

[Pearlington]

Snog - I normally work full time so I don't think that' the whole story. I do think it's definitely contributed.

[Pearlington]

zzzz - the app sounds brilliant. Thank you - will download tonight.

She is just over 6 years old though. Do you really think she could attempt secondary school papers (assume you mean entrance papers?)? I'm guessing she's two or three years ahead of herself, but probably not 5...unless its all 11-plus style, in which case she'd be fine.

Smiler - will do...:-)

[LittleBearPad]

It sounds like the teacher is out of her depth to me which is a shame. Do you know what next year's will be like.

Surely one of the joys of educating children is not sticking rigidly to the lesson plan. Appreciate this may be a bit unrealistic sometimes.

[Pearlington]

I don't know anything about him. I should do some research!

[inadreamworld]

Wow to the plant names! I don't know any plant names in Latin even if my DD asked me which luckily she hasn't!

I agree with others that your DD wants to fit in with her peers - it must me really hard for her. It is great she is so gifted but her happiness is the most important thing. I would leave her to her own devices to study or not as she pleases. I would also encourage her to see her friends and mix with more average children. She probably just needs a bit of fun and to feel like a child.

She sounds extraordinary though, how lucky you are to be her Mum but it must be difficult too.

[mathanxiety]

DD1 loved programming and website creation really caught her fancy when my DSIS taught her.

Getting into a group and learning to fall down publicly and get up again (metaphorically speaking) is really, really important for gifted girls, who tend to think 'getting it right' is the most important thing -- this results in being put off maths and gravitating to more subjective areas even when they could, with effort, do very well in maths. As gifted girls advance in school and in university they will most likely find themselves in mixed groups, and that boys do not fear public 'failure' so will hazard more guesses (in every subject), get more of a teacher's attention through perceived enthusiasm for their subject, and verbally dominate a classroom. They tend to keep on trying until they get an answer even when they fail at first. This is putting it in simple and very general terms and of course there are exceptions, but gifted girls need to get over their fear of 'getting it wrong'.

I would not advance a child to an older group no matter how advanced, because the school experience is as much about emotional growth as intellectual, and there can never be shortcuts there. Plus - being put off by 'failure' in any given subject can be a huge setback. Boredom isn't the worst thing a child could encounter.

[noteventhebestdrummer]

You live in Hampstead in London and you can't find a Mandarin tutor??

[Pearlington]

Not even - I don't live in Hampstead or anywhere near!

[IsThisAGoodIdea]

It all sounds exhausting and I don't envy you one bit OP (and others in similar situations). DH and I both went to Oxbridge and our DS is considered to be "a bright boy" and that's good enough for me. I'm a SAHM but I think I'd be back at work in a flash if my 3 yr old wanted me to teach him about DNA and electrical circuits instead of playing trains and doing finger painting!

Honestly, I can't see how being so advanced in childhood can bring anything but misery in adulthood. If she wants to watch tv and read a comic - I'd let her.

Forget for a minute her obvious abilities (not sure I'd call it a gift really) and let her show you how she wants to be happy.

[mathanxiety]

My tack when they were little was to buy lots of cheap blank notepads and colouring materials and let them at it. Looking through their drawings and poems and designs was always a pleasure. I have five DCs, never had home help, and really didn't have the time to get into much detail when they asked questions, though I always gave some sort of answer. I let them look up lots on the computer and there was the library too if their interest outpaced my expertise or my available time. They also learned a lot from TV - dvds of documentaries as well as children's fare. They regale each other with chunks of Simpsons dialogue even still when we're out in the car.

Finding something that interests them when bored and pursuing interests without constant feedback from a parent help create independent learners who are happy when their brains are in gear even without a teacher or parent nearby. (Weirdly enough, there's an episode of the Simpsons where Lisa panics on a day off school and whines so much about not having daily grades for her performance that Marge gives her an A just to shut her up. That particular episode sparked the question 'What are the laws of thermodynamics' iirc.)

I sent DD1 and DD2 to a summer chess camp when they were about 8 or 9. They were the only girls in their respective classes and it was a great experience for them. They met most of the boys later as they all went to the same high school and ended up in the same classes. I felt it was important for them to compete on an even playing field with boys, with no speed or strength advantage either way. Chess is a game that can keep your mind nicely occupied and it imparts a lot of skills that are useful. Card games that are more complicated than Fish can do the same.

[BusterKeaton]

Actually, very high IQ people don't tend to be miserable in adulthood. They tend to be quite successful, whether or not they are labelled as "gifted", though of course the usual characteristics - hard-working etc - differentiate outcomes within a group.

There is a tendency for high-IQ children to be MISdiagnosed with ADHD in childhood.

[ouryve]

Honestly, I can't see how being so advanced in childhood can bring anything but misery in adulthood.

How? I don't get this, at all. It's a pretty strong assertion to make.

I agree that bright kids should be encouraged with a variety of activities, not just purely intellectual, and mathanxiety has that covered pretty well, but if a 3 year old wants to learn about electrical circuits, that's great, too.

[mathanxiety]

Wrt learning about electrical circuits and the like from a parent, I think it's important for a parent to start out with the shortest possible answer that still conveys the truth (NOT 'It's magic') and not the whole Encyclopedia Brittanica article. If more questions are asked, then reply with more short but accurate answers. It's easy for a parent to go into more detail than a child actually wants but if you wait for the questions then you can use them to set the pace. There are a lot of fine lines.

[IsThisAGoodIdea]

This thread is not about a child with a high IQ. It's about a child who is exceptionally and unusually advanced. There's a big difference.

[BusterKeaton]

Isthisagoodidea. Perhaps I should not have referred to high or very high IQ. Perhaps "exceptionally high IQ" would have been a better choice in this context. Individual IQ testing identifies children who are exceptionally and unusually advanced in the areas tested, which in turn correlate with academic achievement. I could use another term, for instance I could refer to standard deviations from the mean.

I personally have never tested a child who was as intellectually advanced as the OP describes, who did not have a very high IQ. Of course, one of the advantages of IQ testing is that we can get a relatively objective measurement of a child's intellectual abilities compared to their age-mates. In research, we use IQ because it is relatively objective. I personally dislike the term "gifted" but perhaps not for the same reason that you do.

How about this: the research shows that people with exceptionally high IQs, whether or not they were identifed in childhood and labelled as "gifted", don't tend to be miserable in adulthood.