Why do people live in squalor???????

[Dizgusted]

I have changed my name, so people can't associate the work etc.

I had to go into a young girls house the other day and couldn't beleive it, don't get me wrong, my house isn't a show home, but, it is NOT dirty, it is dusted and vacuumed every day and the dishes done at the end of each day and I am working alot of hours each week and don't really get any help with the housework from dh and have two young children.

This you girl lived with her boyfriend and her 3 children, i walked in the front door and it was foul, there was rotting dog food and maggots on one side (their youngest baby was crawling), I went in the kitchen and had to try and walk in between the dog mess etc and nearly fell,and had to steady myself on the cooker which made me retch, i didnt think it could get anyworse until i went into the living room, but it did, the sofa had no springs, and my feet were sticking to the floor which and her toddlers mess etc all over, it was boiling hot and the windows were taped shut and had mould ALL over the ledges etc. I then had to go see her mother after and stupidly though to myself that it was the girl being disgusting (her boyfriend was high).

The mothers house was even worse, they had a fire blaring in the back garden with a 2 year old running round it poking things in it, then the kitchen had mucky plates, knives, forks spoons all over, the sink itself was black and full of moldy cartons and the flyes were horrendous, the livin room was so bad I had to make excuses and go to the car, there were AT LEAST 6 or 7 moldy take away cartons on the floor, no carpet, things crawling and the sofa was once cream, there were damp patches on the walls and wall paper falling off and there again things crawling and dozens of new and old banana skins on the floor, again the windows were taped shut, i couldn't wait to get out of the house, what got me the most is not really the squalor, but the fact that they let their children run about in this, one little girl ran up to me and grabbed my leg giving me a hug and she was filthy and i could see lice in her hair so she was obviously infested.

I had to sit in the car for a bit to stop feeling sick when I came out and felt really sorry for the kids, the adults know better, there is no excuse when you can get a bottle of bleach for 50p, albeit not good stuff, but strong enough to clean things.

As soon as i came home I had to have a hot shower and doused my hair in tea tree oil and pull and nit comb through just in case and STILL didn't feel clean.

Sorry about this, rant over, but I felt so bad for the kids, no doubt they will grow up to be the same

[Dizgusted]

Its a sad sad world when we have to have child protection agencies.

[HappyMumof2]

Message withdrawn

[Dizgusted]

Well, I am in trouble, my line manager is not happy and suspects me, but the woman in question has had all her children taken off her and she is an absolute mess.

I know i've done the best thing for the children, but why do i feel so bloody guilty and what if they find out where I live.

[expatinscotland]

Wait a second, the line manager is not happy b/c children who are being neglected and abused by parents who abuse substances in front of them are being given a second chance w/a foster family?! Excuse me but, WTF?!! I cannot for the life of me understand how ANYONE can be 'unhappy' that abused kids have been removed from a home like this.

As for the mum being a 'mess' she already was one when she couldn't be bothered keeping the place fit to live in for all the crap she was filling her body with. Maybe this will make her get some bloody help.

[handlemecarefully]

Oh Dizgusted,

Have just seen this and I feel for you.

You totally did the right thing - really you did but I can imagine that you do feel guilt because the mother is in pieces.

You had no choice though.

[snafu]

You did do the right thing. Hold on to that.

Why on earth is your manager not happy?

[handlemecarefully]

and this could make a huge difference to the children and their lives. They would probably have amounted to nothing if raised in those conditions - part of a disaffected 'underclass', rootless, without any moral framework or values etc.

They have a chance now.

[KBear]

Deny everything. You couldn't have this on your conscience. You did the right thing. Remember the news headlines we've all seen when people turned a blind eye. Your report will surely remain anonymous. Think about the children - hold that thought.

[handlemecarefully]

I think you did a really brave thing and I would feel proud of myself if I were you

[Dizgusted]

I think its the fact that I went into the house, saw what was going on and just reported them, they have put two and two together and they saw her today, and had a bit of a go at her, I haven't admitted that I did it, but if I do I think we may have a disagreement, mainly because of the confidentiality.

I do feel very very guilty about causing another mother hurt and I'm sat her crying, just keep trying to tell myself I did the right thing and how much better those children will feel for having a hot bath, de-loused and a clean bed, all of which I am in no doubt they didn't get at hom.

[expatinscotland]

I'm all for confidentiality, but when it puts a child's life in danger - and sorry but I think kids being in a home w/substance abusers, aside from the squalor, puts their lives at risk - I think the child's life is more important.

I mean, when people get drunk or high, no telling how this will affect their mood. Sadly, kids have been battered to death in their own homes by drunk or high parents/partners/carers.

What the hell! Kids can't just up and leave a setting like that. They need help, and if the parents aren't willing to get it and take it for themselves, the state has a moral obligation to protect those children by removing them.

[tabitha]

Dizgusted,

please try not to feel guilty. You absolutely 100% did the right thing.
As for your work, deny everything - they have no right to question you and certainly no right to discipline you for acting on your consience.
And don't worry about the woman finding out where you live. Firstly, how could she and secondly even suppose she did, if she's too gormless to tidy up her house she's going to be too gormless to do anything to you.

[Satine]

The right thing to do is nearly always the hardest. I think you'd feel worse, and for longer, if you'd looked the other way and left those poor children to their fate. The mother has a choice - if she really wants her kids, she'll be given help to get her life back on track.

[expatinscotland]

Also, Dizgusted, think of it this way: how guilty would you feel if one of those children were hurt or killed by the conditions in which they lived, and you hadn't reported it?

You did the right thing! You're a brave and courageous person.

[Dizgusted]

Thanks all, I've been looking at some websites about squalor and apparantley there are four levels, and I've not seen 1 picture as bad as what they were living in.

Its the brothers that I am worried about, they are not a nice family and they are quite well known.

[ScummyMummy]

Diz- this won't be the end of the story, honest. The mum should now get lots of help and lots of chances to clean up the house (and come off the drugs if they are impacting on her parenting abilities.) Social Services will be looking to return the kids to her asap if they possibly can. Best case scenario for all concerned is that the family stays together and the parents change a bit to provide a good enough environment. The social services threshold for good enough is usually quite low... If the kids can't be returned you can be really assured that they shouldn't be there. I think you absolutely did the right thing.

[RTKangaMummy]

Dizgusted I completely agree with others here who say that what you did was very brave and deffo the right thing to do for those children.

They can now have some clean clothes, warm bath and a cosy bed and someone to take care of them.

[HappyMumof2]

Message withdrawn

[WideWebWitch]

Dizgusted, you did the right thing, definitely. Absolutely.

[Caligula]

Diz, if all the kids were immediately taken into care, then you really can rest assured you did the right thing. It honestly is very rare for that to happen without notice unless the children are deemed to be at immediate risk.

As for your line manager. Well. If you know that a crime is occuring and you don't report it, that makes you an accessory. Child abuse is a crime. If she wants to be an accessory, fine, her choice - but no employment tribunal in the country would agree that she has the right to impose that choice on you!

Chin up girl, you did the right thing. Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they can begin to help themselves, and you've not only definitely done the children a favour, you may well have done the mother a favour too.

[kcemum]

Diz, you did exactly the right thing, Please don't beat yourself up about it. Just imagine how you would have felt this morning had you not have done anything.

As for your line manager, well she needs to take a long hard look at herself but perhaps she is feeling gulity because she knew deep down that she should have done something herself, and as for using confidentuality against you then I am afraid...tough to her..YOU did the right thing.

[fqueenzebra]

I'm glad you did the right thing, too, Diz.

[edam]

I think you did the right thing too. Can see why you are questioning yourself though - very tough decision to make. But the right one. You were brave enough to do something that a lot of people would shy away from. You deserve respect for that.

You certainly have helped those children and have probably, in the long run, helped the parents too. If they don't take this opportunity to change, then that is their responsibility, not yours. And if that's the case, the kids are probably better off living somewhere else, very sadly. Even if the root of the parents' problems is illness, or otherwise not 'their fault' the important thing is to care for these kids.

I did something not as brave as you once ? helped a child escape from a bad parent. In my case, it was someone in my extended family, and the parent was definitely ill. I think she was schizophrenic but never found out as she was divorced from the relative we had in common so docs wouldn't tell him. It was very, very hard for everyone concerned. And I do feel sorry for the parent. But she and her daughter stayed in regular contact and have a good relationship now. I was blamed, along with someone else, for interfering. I accept that responsiblity but I'm very, very glad I did. Not sure what would have happened to the child otherwise but she was definitely in danger. Now she's a happy, well-adjusted adult with a ds of her own. You've given these children the chance to have that future.

Kcemum is probably right about your line manager feeling ashamed of herself.

[edam]

P.S. it was easier for me to interfere than you, as I knew the family background of the parent in question and knew there was potentially huge danger there. What you've done is much braver.