The Emetophobe's Support Club.

[Lonelymum]

OK, well those of you who know what the title means probably know that I suffer from this phobia. I came out about it on Mumsnet last year (no-one in RL knows about it properly except for dh - I am very ashamed of it). Anyway, thanks to the support of mainly other emetophobes (it takes one to know what another is suffering!) I went to my GP and was referred for therapy. Well, one move later, and another quick referral and here I am, facing my initial assessment this morning at 11:30. I am getting tense and shaky just writing this so goodness knows what I will be like in an hour and a half. Anyway, I promised to keep the other emetophobes informed of how my therapy went, so here I am. Could do with some good luck messages to send me on my way!

[Lonelymum]

Does your dh/dp not even know about it then Footprint?

When I first broached this subject last year, there were quite a few people here who suffer in the same way as you, ie more worried about themselves than others. I worry for myself too but I have such a strong stomach (or maybe, as I said earlier, I have developed the ability to suppress the vomiting reflex) that my fear for myself isn't as near to the surface as my fear of the children being sick is (if that makes sense). I think if it was just a fear of me being sick I would only be a relatively mild phobic. Like you, I feel "doing it" would help in a way. Anyway, it is good to talk about it. My dh knows all about it, but I don't tell anyone else.

[footprint]

LM, when I went to my GP he was really sympathetic and asked me lots of questions, and told me he wanted to speak to others about it and could I come back in a week to talk again. So i went back a week later and he was totally different. He said he'd talked to someone else and sorry, there was nothing anyone could do. I felt really dismissed and as though I'd wasted his time. Maybe he was just having a bad day or sth but I was so disappointed.

I am a bit different to you in that I don't mind so much others being sick, only myself. That's good because I am ok with dd, but bad because I can never ever eat anything without being afraid that it will make me ill.

I know that the only thing that would help me is for "it" to just happen but even the thought of that sends me into a panic....

This is something I never ever talk about, it's wierd sharing this with people.

[Lonelymum]

Gosh am I a bit verbose?

[Steala]

Thank you.

[Lonelymum]

Thanks NBG - I really appreciate your support, especially as you do not suffer from the same thing. ( - I have forgotten what your phobia is)

Hausfrau! Good to hear from you! No it wasn't really like that. I answered more pedantic questions about my family and their names, ages, occupations etc than I did questions about the phobia although there were questions about that too. The one that really foxed me was when she asked me what it was I actually was fearing when the children were sick. Do you know, I don't actually know what it is! I am just afraid without knowing why! As a child I used to fear being sick myself, and that is partly it even now, but not entirely as I still freak out when a child is sick for a non-catching reason, (eg, it doesn't happen to mine but for travel sickness). Anyway, there weren't many moments like that in the interview - it was more basic fact finding. I can't imagine why she needed to know so many details, especially as she knew she wasn't going to be able to take things further with me. It was quite satisfying though to be taken seriously by a professional and certainly satisfying to hear her tell me I am a classic phobic. I knew that anyway, but it was good to hear a professional say so.

Steala, don't worry about coming across the wrong way. I didn't take it in that way. I sometimes write things which are taken the wrong way too. I think it is because people can't hear your tone of voice - that doesn't help. The idea of being treated for this phobia in the way you describe fills me with dread. I had to walk through an A&E department today (in the pm I took my sons to a hospital appt) and I nearly ran through!!! It was a kids' A&E too and I always think they are only there for broken bones and gastroenteritis! But worse than that, there is no way I could watch a film of someone being sick. Major freak out time! Anyway, I meant to say, you are very welcome to this forum and I hope you stay around.

[Steala]

Sorry Lonelymum. I didn't mean to depress you. On re-reading my post, it did sound insensitive. I'm new here as well - not a good first impression!

There were two main problems with the counselling I had. The first is that the therapist had never come across this before. She tried to treat it as any other phobia (for example for a fear of spiders they would have a tiny spider outside, then move it closer and closer until the person felt comfortable with it). Obviously with emetophobia, particularly where it is a fear of vomiting in others, there is a distinct lack of volunteers.... We ended up trying to do it in my imagination. Since I was too scared to imagine it, it didn't work for me. I've since found that if you have a therapist specialised in emetophobia, they have a variety of techniques - gradually taking you through cartoon figures, funny pictures, films etc and possibly even finishing with a trip to A&E (shudder).

The second problem was that I was 16 (showing my age now) and I don't think she wanted to try anything too deep.

I really didn't mean to suggest that it was incurable. I'm sure there are therpies that work and I agree with you that it is worth trying everything. It is a brave move to talk about it in RL - I admire you for that - good luck.

[Newbarnsleygirl]

I'm glad. I really hope it does help you.

I know my anxiety/phobia is different to yours but I know how you feel. It's horrible and like you say you have to give it a go.

Keep us posted about it when you go.

[Lonelymum]

"Meeting" all these emetophobes who have had therapy and found it didn't help, doesn't really inspire me though! Sorry to hear you are still a sufferer Steala. I too fear the children getting sick more than I do myself.

[Lonelymum]

I think I have to NBG. I have to try anything offered so that at the end of the day I can say I tried to get better, even if nothing helps.

[Newbarnsleygirl]

Do you think you'll give the groups a go?

I've also seen a uk Emetaphobe support website, similar to MN. Don't know if that would be any good to you.

[Steala]

I'm an emetophobe too. Mainly others being sick rather than myself (although that is scary enough!). How disappointing that there is no miracle cure. I tried therapy about 16 years ago. It didn't really work but it did get me to the stage where I could have children - for years I didn't think I would be able to. I'm still holding out for some wonder remedy....

Good luck with the phobia charity etc.

[Lonelymum]

Womba, congratulations on your pg! Try not to worry about the sickness side of things. I never felt sick in any of my 4 pgs, except very mildly and for about one week only when pg with ds3 (then the nausea stopped and I bled and thought I had lost him but it turned out I was losing an undeveloped twin - so unless you are expecting twins, you should be fine!

Footprint, perhaps that partially answers your question too. I didn't get morning sickness or feel sick in labour. I suppose I just risked it for the first baby and after that was confident (unlike Womba!) that if it hadn't happened the first time, it wouldn't happen at all. BTW Womba, I have since learnt that severe emetophobes are capable of suppressing the vomiting reflex which might explain why I have had so many tummy bugs that only give me diarrhoea when others are vomiting. So, yes the phobia is hard to live with, but if you believe in it enough, so to speak, you might be able to escape the sickness you think you are going to get! Think positively!

So what happened to you Footprint when you went to your GP? Did you try anything? See anyone other than your GP?

Newbarnsleygirl, I don't know how to feel. Part of me feels I am no further forward and she more or less told me there is nothing that can be done. The numbers she gave me are more support groups than therapists. I am not saying a support group won't be a good idea, but it isn't the same as a cure (not that I expected one of course).

[Newbarnsleygirl]

Just caught up LM.

Do you feel a bit better now you've been?

I know they haven't really done much but you hear so many people say they feel a bit better after they've talked to a pro.

[footprint]

Hi LM, it is a shame that there is not much that they can do. My own GP said something similar when I tried ot get help a few years ago. However, just by doing SOMETHING and feeling more in control, you may feel better.

Just as a matter of interest (hope I'm not being nosey) how did you deal with pregnancy? I was terrified when I became pregnant but my wanting the baby overrode my fear.

At least we are not alone (I've actually read that emetophobia is one of the ten most common phobias!!)

[womba1]

LonelyMum, i'm so proud of you for trying to get on top of this! I've recently found out i'm pregnant and i have this overbearing dread of being sick this time round. I didn't so much as feel the slightest bit of nausea during my last pregnancy and am convincing myself that i'll now get it twice as bad.
Am overjoyed at being pregnant, but this phobia puts such a downer on things..

[Lonelymum]

Fear of vomiting and all things associated with it. Pretty hard to cope with with 4 children! (or any number of children!)

[jampots]

sorry just googled it!

[jampots]

im sorry to be thick but what is an emetophobic? glad about your good news though lonelymum

[Lonelymum]

Apologies for spelling errors. Ds3 is sitting on my lap and the other three children are clamouring to be next on the computer!

[Lonelymum]

Right, report time: well it wasn't as bad as I expected. Basically, I was told I am a classic phobic. There isn't anything counselling can do for me becuase she said I didn't sound depressed (hooray! I'm glad she worked that out as I have long thought I am not depressed, just stressed out by my phobia). Apparently, phobias are very hard to cure and more so when, like mine, they have been around all my conscious life and not triggered by a particular experience. So, there is nothing the pyschiatric unit can do for me. She gave me some numbers to call of phobia charities/self-help groups/whatever which is apparently all that can be done for me. I do feel a bit cross that I had to go through this lengthy interview and give her lots of personal information about my life that I feel has no bearing on my phobia and which presumably will just be filed (for what purpose?) when all I was going to get from it was a list of phone nmbers to call (why couldn't the GP just give me them?) but, at least someone in the know has told me I am a classic phobic and acknowledged that I have a condition which is not normal. That helps.... a bit.

BTW if anyone with a phobia would like the contact details, I am happy to give them to you although one of the charities does seem to be locally based (Bath) and only has a very few centres in other parts of the country.

[Lonelymum]

I'm back but no time to post now as have to fetch children from school. Will post again later. (PS for those who can't wait, there is no miracle cure - what a surprise!)

[Newbarnsleygirl]

How did it go LM?

[footprint]

Hi Lonelymum, I suffer from this too and so I understand. I really hope it went well this morning.
Please let us know how you got on....

[charleepeters]

godd luck hun i didnt read your last thread as i wasnt usong mumsnet then but just wanted to say you'vehelped me with alot of things so wanted to say i hope everything works out for you xxx