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Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

General health

tell me about strokes :(

82 replies

MrsShrek3 · 20/05/2013 07:44

MIL found at the bottom of the stairs by BIL 6am this morning. she doesnt get up early so chances she has been there some time and golden hour well gone. DH gone to hosp (she has gone in ambulance obv) dh in bits and has only finished chemo in Jan so not very resilient. wtf do we do? what to expect?

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Jestrin · 30/05/2013 07:30

HadALittleFaithBaby · 30/05/2013 06:43

I'm sorry to hear she died MrsS but I'm glad she went peacefully and that your DH was with her.

It may well be calm before the storm as he tries to process what's happened. In terms of coping, I remember when my Mum died people said I was coping well but I was just trying to function because its all you can do. Is he off work?

MrsShrek3 · 29/05/2013 23:44

thanks all
I do wonder about calm before storm with dh. FIL died, 2 wks later dh dx with cancer, 6mths chemo, all ok for a couple of months whilst he recovers from chemo then this. Life sucks. How much can he take? Even I have no clue and it's fair to say I know him best.

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QuintessentialOldDear · 29/05/2013 22:34

So sorry to see your recent updates. So sorry for your loss, and your dhs loss. What a terrible year you have had!

Courage and love.

Andro · 29/05/2013 22:30

Mrs S, it sounds like you've all had the ear from hell! As a partner there is so little you can really do when your OH experiences such a devastating loss, all you can really do be there.

When my DSiL died my DH was almost eerily calm...for months. His emotions didn't come to a head until almost 6 months later, he shattered on her birthday. If there was a positive to be taken from that it's that I had worked through the most acute phase of my own grief (DSiL was one of my closest friends for many years) and was mentally in a better place to help DH pick up the pieces. It may be that your DH will do likewise.

Keeping your family in my thoughts and offering a shoulder if you need it

archfiend · 29/05/2013 19:28

I'm glad that at least they had some quiet time together. I think that things can become so overwhelming that when there is time to sit and just 'be', then there is no place for anger as such. (God I sound like such an old hippy, I'm not I promise!).

Will be keeping you in my thoughts. I hope that you can all remember and share the positive memories as I am sure they outweigh anything else. x

frostyfingers · 29/05/2013 13:55

I'm so sorry, it's a terrible time for you all. Perhaps DH feels calm because he's had some quiet time with his Mum and said what he wanted to say and is a little more at peace with himself. Having said that he may just be too stunned at the moment to do anything else - I hope that he and you can all grieve and remember MIL in good times and bad. She may be gone physically, but she won't be forgotten.

Thinking of you.

MrsShrek3 · 29/05/2013 11:30

city, your post about your wonderful dm is beautiful. MIL also said the same about FIL -like he's never gone as we all carried on talking about him (he died in July last yr) . Grandma will be hugely missed by all of us as she has been a huge part of the children's lives, as are my parents. Can't really believe it.

DH got home around 1am, after she'd gone. he seems amazingly chilled. not talking much but so so calm. he spent 12hrs just sitting with her yesterday, we will never know how that went but just hope that it was positive for both of them.

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CityTiliDie · 29/05/2013 07:05

MrsS Big Hugs.

I had similar with my DM 6 years ago. She had a different type of stroke and was never given any hope so we had five weeks to sit and watch her die slowly but peacefully. It was almost a nice way to go and we knew she was 'hapy' about it as it was something we had talked about as a family in the past. She had already palnned her 'leaving do' (wouldnt have a funeral as they are morbid and dull).

When it cam to the end my DSis and DF sat with her for 36 hours but she refused to go so they both left to go home and freshen up. 10 minutes after they had left the hospital she died.

Your DC are a credit to you and will cope far better than you can hope for and probably far better than you or your DH.

Its a really tough time for you but you will all get through it and time will help. Remember to never stop talking about your DMil and dont stop talking to her either. i talk to my DM every day and it helps me a lot. I was lucky that 9 months after she passed away my DD was born and she is the image of my DM in every way so I feel my DM will always be with me.

Keep strong for your DH, allow him to talk and cry and shout and you will both be stronger for it.

archfiend · 28/05/2013 20:17

You're very sweet ! Honestly, I am just glad it has helped a little. I wasn't on MN when DH had his stroke, and I know how much it would have helped to know about anyone else dealing with all this stuff.

Pandemoniaa · 28/05/2013 20:03

Oh, Mrs Shrek, I am so, so, sorry to hear this. Will be thinking of you all. xx

MrsShrek3 · 28/05/2013 20:00

Arch, thank you for all your amazing support over the last week. You've been incredible

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archfiend · 28/05/2013 19:58

Oh no MrsS, I'm so very sorry to read your latest updates. . She has clearly fought incredibly hard but sometimes it's just not enough. Will be thinking of you all this evening. x

MrsShrek3 · 28/05/2013 19:30

DH is still sitting with her. she is still being ventilated and some sedation but nothing else. blood pressure ridiculously low but she's hanging on. He is staying with her

heartbreaking.

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NotAQueef · 28/05/2013 18:55

I am so sorry to read this.
Thinking of you and your family tonight x

TallGiraffe · 28/05/2013 18:46

I'm so sorry to read this. Thinking of you and your family this evening

TheDeadlyDonkey · 28/05/2013 18:32

I'm so sorry MrsS :(

SomeBear · 28/05/2013 18:28

I am so sorry to hear this. Life is so cruel sometimes, sending you my best wishes.

MrsShrek3 · 28/05/2013 18:25

24hrs changes everything doesn't it

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Turningupsidedown · 28/05/2013 16:46

So, so sorry to see this Thinking of you all.

frostyfingers · 28/05/2013 16:05

Such sad news, so sorry to hear it.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 28/05/2013 14:37

I'm so sorry MrsShrek3

Wshing you and your family all the best x

Sometimes life seems very cruel and relentless....

HadALittleFaithBaby · 28/05/2013 14:26

Oh I'm so sorry :( praying for you all.

mummylin2495 · 28/05/2013 14:17

So sorry to see this sad news. Awful for everyone in the family especially your dh x

MrsShrek3 · 28/05/2013 14:10

switching her life support off now. DH staying with her until she is gone

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