Ds planning to quit before A level exams !

[stirling]

Any advice gratefully received.
DS is currently in a crisis, two months before his upcoming final a level exams, he's thinking of " not doing them " because apparently good unis won't consider resits.

Slight backstory, incredibly bright , all 9s at GCSE, fine throughout Y12 except that he spent the entire year 24/7 with a new girlfriend, obsessive relationship. Ridiculous, they were literally living together. No work.
Applied to Oxford and froze when challenged with the MAT paper, despite some prep (obviously not enough because he was otherwise occupied!)

The mat test was catastrophic. Not only did he lose that application and imperial too, he's scuppered up his capacity to perform in school tests, mock exams....he's just freezing. Was predicted all A*s but now unlikely to get Bs or C's as he's freezing.

He thinks quitting now means he gets an extra year to get it right.
I'm despairing.

All unis applied to are London Russell group, wouldn't take on advice to include a backup uni.

Thank you

[stirling]

I should add that he gets 100% on all exam papers when doing them at home. He's very bright and knows the content.

He's suddenly anxious under exam conditions and has extra time plus a different room....my advice to him so far has been to work on his self talk. And stay resilient.

[BobbyBookcase]

It won't be the end of the world if he delays a year.

[BobbyBookcase]

Maybe a less traditional course with more continuous assessment would be better then, rather than Oxford or Imperial.

[Thelondonone]

Will he resit the year? Or just the exams? Unis can see when he did the exams do they will know he took 3 years. However, if his mh is that bad then maybe it’s for the best. I’d see how it goes. What do school say?

[parietal]

why not let him delay a year? he sounds like he has been under enormous pressure (either from himself or trying to meet everyones expectations) to get straight 9s at GCSE and be applying for top universities etc. and now he is reacting against the pressure.

let him take a year out, play music for fun, take an art class, mess about a bit. and when he is ready, he can go back to studying.

[noblegiraffe]

Has he seen a doctor about the anxiety?

[stirling]

Thank you so much for your swift replies. BobbyBookcase that's what I thought too, assessment doesn't seem to be the way though with a pure maths degree. He's very passionate about the subject and wants to study it but hates the testing system

[stirling]

noblegiraffe we spoke to our GP today, she asked him so many questions and concluded he should see the school counselor or have a referral for ADHD assessment or neorodivergent something....

[stirling]

parietal you're right he's reacting to pressure.

When asked about his freezing up on his MAT exams , he replied "my life depends on it "😭

[stirling]

Thelondonone school and doctor both have urged him not to pull out

[ilovebreadsauce]

Has he got a special need? I don't think you get extra time just fir anxiety? You can stop the clock and have a rest break, but not extra.
There is a big difference between GCSE standard and Oxbridge aptitude test standard and indeed A level.Some kids peak at GCSE, whilst others come into their own working at higher levels
Yes he is right that the most competitive unis might take a dim view of resits, but they will also take a dim view of him working at half speed ie 3A levels studied over 3 years ( when most oxbridge applicants will have done 4 over 2).

[stirling]

ilovebreadsauce that's really helpful perspective. Doctor seems to think he may have some autistic trait or neorodivergent trait but it needs formal testing which involves a long wait...

[HanaJane]

Poor thing it's such a lot of stress. Perhaps he would be better taking a year off from it all? Or taking them and see how he does, he might not end up in one of "the best" unis with Bs and Cs but depending what course he wants to do still could get in somewhere good that might end up suiting him better in the end

[Daftasabroom]

Pulling a year isn't as big a deal as people make our I needed space at that age, as did DS1 (Now Oxbridge) id also suggest OB are not all they're cracked up to be.

[Daftasabroom]

@stirling

ilovebreadsauce that's really helpful perspective. Doctor seems to think he may have some autistic trait or neorodivergent trait but it needs formal testing which involves a long wait...

DS is ASD. If you're DS is as well be prepared for a year or two of acclimatization.

[Rummikub]

I’d suggest looking at year 14 options. Is it possible? Round here it isn’t unless go to college and it’s a 2 year programme not a one year resit/ top up.

Start there to make sure it’s an option. I would also check to see if the unis he is considering would accept an applicant that took A levels over 3 years.
It may make more sense to sit the exams and check
out foundation years if any.

[stirling]

Thank you everyone. Really helpful advice.

[averythinline]

Maybe see what his options actually are?? There was no option to take an extra year in dcs school so pulling out would only mean no results ... Potentially self study then ask to be entered by school..the following year

What have his school suggested?

Do they have options...
Maybe helping plan
Maybe look at unis that are ok with resists...
There are other good unis that do maths.. Liverpool was one that had a good reputation a while back..

Plans and options helped my dc with anxiety..a bit removing that everything hinges on x day performance.. as there are multiple pathways to where you will end up

Could you talk to gp about anxiety meds? Like propranolol (no idea of appropriate) but seems to be situational rather than sertarline which i know they can prescribe for general anxiety

Hypnosis/hypnotherapy helped a friend with techniques to manage stressful situations..

Mindfulness works for me as helps me manage anxious thoughts and calm the inner... But may not be enough for this scenario..although would recommend yoga/mindfulness for all in exam leadup

[lifeturnsonadime]

In your shoes I would completely encourage him to restart year 13 in September and take a mental health break.

Explain what's been going on to the school and see if they will let him restart in September. Get support from your GP in advance if possible.

[Lindy2]

I see some potential ASD traits there.

He's putting too much pressure on himself to be perfect and is risking sliding into autistic burnout.

I'm not sure what the answer is because you won't get a diagnosis this side of the exams and a diagnosis isn't going to solve his anxiety issue anyway. It will just explain some of his perfectionist, obsessive/hyper focus tendencies.

If he feels he really needs to redo year 13 would that actually be a realistic option? Would his sixth form let him or would he be studying at home? It might worsen the anxiety rather than relieve it.

Could he do some therapy to reduce the anxiety? Hypnotherapy, mindfulness etc? He sounds academically ready but emotionally not.

[barleyseed]

Ask the school about having a prompter in the exam. If he starts using one right away, they might be able to apply for one. If might be all he needs, someone to smile at him and encourage him to get on with the paper

[barleyseed]

@lifeturnsonadime

In your shoes I would completely encourage him to restart year 13 in September and take a mental health break.

Explain what's been going on to the school and see if they will let him restart in September. Get support from your GP in advance if possible.

He is unlikely to be funded for this in the same school. He might get in, if he is lucky

[Changed18]

A friend’s DC had a similar situation. They did the exams despite months off with MH issues, got lower grades and then found it very hard to get anyone to let them retake. Might be a better plan to delay for a year. A diagnosis would explain the gap well.

[barleyseed]

@Changed18

A friend’s DC had a similar situation. They did the exams despite months off with MH issues, got lower grades and then found it very hard to get anyone to let them retake. Might be a better plan to delay for a year. A diagnosis would explain the gap well.

but it wont be any easier to retake a year without taking the exams. There are strict criteria on who can be funded in a specific school. Your DS might not fit those criteria.

[Changed18]

In my DC’s sixth form this would be possible and I know someone doing this now. Seems that it would depend on the school - so worth asking.