House rules

[familyloveforever]

I have to put together a set of house rules and was wondering if any fc could help me with what they have in case I'm missing something please
We Go to panel next week so getting excited / nervous

[juggles6]

Oh we are in the habit of saying " I will just need to check that with mr juggles or vice versa
Or what did Mr juggles say?
A united front is a must

[juggles6]

I find it does depend on the age and stage of the children,
I have
No secrets
only an adult opens the front door (have been followed home from contact)
Only an adult answers the phone
Only an adult gets the food out.
Nobody upstairs without an adult to be honest in those early weekswherever the children are, I am ( but I do tend to do large sibling group😁)
In the earlier days when my own children were younger we had a code word of Venus which meant they needed space, it was only ever used a couple of times but I knew that they needed me and time away.
I always think it's work in progress, some things need addressing immediately
Other things are just on going
And some things will disappear when it's not in their daily routines.

[Guiseley64]

Another tip that we've just thought of. Something we've done for years. We have some electrical appliances controlled by remote sockets in the children's bedrooms. If you have TV's or games consoles etc in the child's room they will turn off at the same time each night. It lessens the blame and anger (in my experience) because the child knows it's the plug that turns off and we don't need to ask them to turn the TV off over and over again. So the confrontation is avoided. They soon get used to it and there's no sneaking the TV back on after lights out (our kids are age 11/12).
Our children always get 30 minutes reading time (non negotiable). They can only read or turn off the light. They usually choose to read. Of-course you need to buy good age and understanding books. The upshot is that their reading improves, they begin to enjoy books and they're in a routine.. We usually give them a 5-10 minute warning before we know the electric's going off.
To those ends we bought the new Kindle Fire. It's awesome and you can download books from the internet for them to read. If you subscribe to Kindle for kids (about £5 or £7 per month) you can set age restrictions and choose how much screen time is allowed each day and they get access to hundreds of activities. You can set the device to allow access to age appropriate games, video's, apps etc. Or set one activity to go off earlier than the others (games go off and reading continues until lights out for example).. Once again you can set when the device switches on and off, set a master password and review what your child viewed or tried to view. It controls internet access and allows you to restrict all or some content as per your age rating settings. You can opt to use Kindle web for kids to avoid normal internet browsers.. We obviously block all communication and social media. Once the countdown at the top of the screen gets to zero,- the tablet turns off. It's wonderful... I love hearing the click when the electricity switches off and funnily enough soon after we get to see the kids because they're bored, thirsty or hungry hahaha
Anyway just a few thoughts if anyone's interested..

[SilenceOfThePrams]

We phrased ours as positives rather than negatives. Slightly younger children, but ours start with "we are kind to each other." And move through things like "we say sorry. We have gentle hands. We listen to each other. " rather than set curfews and specifics. Opens up dialogue.

But honestly, it doesn't really matter what they are - what matters is that you've thought about them as a family, so you can a) be aware of what things really matter to you (for some that might be shoes off, for others it might be eating together, or keeping bedrooms vaguely tidy, or whatever else really bothers you), and b) present a united front when your latest guest asks what the rules are or decides to challenge them.

[familyloveforever]

Thanks @Guiseley64 very helpful. We did feel pressured when we spoke with the placement sw the other day that we should accept anyone. We are approved for 0-18. But looking to start with school age and under 14 as my son who is 14 wants to stay the eldest. Good point about weekend contact. Thank you

[Guiseley64]

We had a lot of issues with weekend contact. We now say no to contact at weekends. There's no support at weekends so avoid. Plus weekends are family days. We're local Authority Carers so it could be different for private agencies.

[Guiseley64]

It all depends on what age range you're approved for and what age the child will be. Most importantly though, above all other considerations, get as much info on the child from the Social Worker. Make sure you get advice from your own Supervising Social Worker before you accept a child (not placement desk or a Social Worker). You need to consider your own family first. The safety of your own is your priority. You need to know where the School is (if they attend). Make sure you have a Safe-Care-Plan (we said no mobile phones upstairs or at bedtime etc). It's your home and your rules so make sure you get it in writing so that your rules and boundaries are adhered to and known.. It makes it easier if your understood from the beginning. It avoids confrontation all round if you are clear. Best of luck.

[familyloveforever]

Haha @Guiseley64 yes we were approved and in and out in no time. We were told to expect a phone call any day but nothing yet. Still getting bits and bobs sorted. Any tips on welcome pack? Got tooth brush sponges toiletries etc but any other suggestions would be great. Thanks

[Guiseley64]

Don't worry about Panel. It's a foregone conclusion. Your SSW wouldn't put you forward unless they believe you'll be approved. It's a box-tick and off you go wondering what all the worrying was about. I've been doing it for 11 years and I still wonder what panel was about. 7 of us (whole family) trooped into the room (like the Von Trapp Family) and we trotted out again a few minutes later. We had a child the same day. I went bald after that day hahaha.

[Love51]

House rules need to apply to everyone. So if a house rule is 'we eat in the kitchen' then YOU have to follow it. And your parents,visitors, etc. Keep it to 4 or fewer, and phrase them positively, ie state the behaviour you do want to see.

[colourfulll]

Might be a good idea

thought of another big one of mine - no toy guns

[familyloveforever]

Thanks for your replies. Was wondering if I need to do one for younger children and one for teenagers 🤔 thanks for your help

[Sycamorewindmills]

No play fighting
Shower every day

[colourfulll]

just think about your values in your own home.

so it could be, shoes off at the door and sippers on.

always eat at the table

adults bedroom of limits

ask before taking a snack

no jumping on the settee

back home by 9pm

House rules will depend on child's age and experience too so you will need to be flexible to begin with.

[Cassimin]

Appropriate clothing
Knocking on bedroom doors before entering
No smoking
Respect each other
Respect people's personal space