wild accusations

[maypole1]

Well now the parenting assessment is drawing to a close, and mum has probably guessed by now its not looking good for her, so she is now throwing wild accusations around.

Dose this happen often the sw told me not to worry as this is a common tactic,i am not really worried just wondering if this is very common when the judge is close to making a decision about where a child should be placed if others have found that parents start a carry on.

[p99gmb]

just a note of caution.. on the allegations course we were advised that in the case of an allegation being made & being investigated - under no circumstance resign - you lose all of your rights & protection... let the investigation run its course - it will either be 'unfounded' or 'unproven' and then resign!!

She (the Fostering Network rep for the NW of England) told us of one instance where the male carer had to leave the house as the allegation was made against him!!

Scary Scary stuff... I seriously hope it never happens to us... I think it would seriously dent my confidence - well done to you fostermumtomany for getting back in the saddle!! ps - where about roughly in lancashire are u - we too are in lancs

[fostermumtomany]

i have had this with nearly every placement barr 1.
ss are more than used to it and are quite prepared for it.
there will obviously be no basis to these accusations and the ss will know that.

thing is as ananina states th ejudge will always know whats trying it on and what is real.
panick does set in as it would if it was me.

i always try to put myself in birth parents shoes and imagine how i would feel. i know iwould try every trick in the book to keep my kiddies so im sure (no matter what type of parent they are) the birth family feel the same way.
i know that doesnt help you though. its not nice to have accusations made about you and it can be very hurtful but this is where we have to trust our sw to fight our corner.

have you been told whether these accusations are being investigated? or they are what the possible outcome will be.
are you prepared to have to go back to panel as sometimes in these situations you have to.
i myself have had to go back to panel 8 times as a result of a panicking birth mum making accusations all unfounded. and panel knew this after reviewing th einfo.
please dont worry.
always but always record everything no matter how minor it seems to be.

i very nearly didnt go ahead with the fostering application as we were told that if someone makes an allegation our children could be removed while it was investigated and that terrified me. thankfully it has never come to that.
if it did i would resign immediately!

[NanaNina]

maypole 1 - yes mum will be starting to panic and the trouble is that a lot of birth parents have no other way of defending themselves, other than being irrational. It's understandable in a way isn't it and defence solicitors do their best to fight the corner of birth parents at the final hearing, which is right really, but judges are very astute at knowing what is what and in my experience almost always make the right decision in the best interests of the child.

Re allegations - I hope the LA did their course on this difficult topic prior to your approval. It is incredibly difficult because we never used to include it in prep courses but decided after much debate that we should in fairness warn prospective carers that this could happen. We know it will cause some alarm, and that is a risk because some carers might withdraw (and this is understandable) but most, keep a balanced approach and there are of course carers who have fostered for 25 years plus and neve had an allegation. Recording is the right way but does not offer complete protection.

I have 30 years experience as a soc wrk and team manager for a fostering & adoption team but am now retired. I think foster carers are worth their weight in gold - just wish there were more of them, as you know demand far outsrips supply.

[tunecedemalis]

Scary stuff!

[p99gmb]

I have no experience of this, but last week attended a course all about 'Allegations' and boy - did it shock all of us.

They said it is common for an allegation to come from family members - particularly at key times - but also from older/wiser children to initiate a placement breakdown - also that for some children, a negative end to a placement is easier for them to cope with than having to say goodbye.

They couldn't stress enough to us to 'Record, record, record' - any incident at all, any mark/bruise, anything said that was harmless but that could be taken out of context...

It certainly made me be so much more aware and alert.

Here's hoping that everyone can see what is really happening...