Can I get better? Constant fear and anxiety.

[BeachedOff]

I live in a bubble of fear and anxiety. I still go out, work (part time) and drive to places that are familiar but the whole time I am assessing the various different ways we could die or get into a terrible accident. I am also very paranoid about getting seriously ill. I have little ones and this has definitely amplified this way of thinking. These thoughts are pretty constant - I have had therapy in the past but nothing seems to stick. I feel hopeless about it all and resigned to the fact that I will likely be like this forever. Then sometimes I go through a particularly rough patch with it and just find it so exhausting and wish something could change. I honestly can't do many things without fear, I think I'm reasonably good at keeping these thoughts to myself and trying to crack on regardless most days, but I feel like I'm wilting inside.

My question is, is it something that can improve? Or do I just have to put up with it. Has anyone had any experience of improvement with this kind of anxiety?

Things that might be relevant - I am not on medication, I have been on a waiting list for NHS therapy for nearly 2 years (can't afford to go private) and I am waiting for an Autism and ADHD assessment. There is a lot more going on for me mentally than this but this is probably the thing that I struggle with the most. I'm open to any advice.

Can you remember when (and possibly why) this started? Finding the root cause is the best way of dealing with it.

Yes you can get better

The waiting for treatment must be very difficult.

In the meantime you can practise self-care to at least help a little. I agree getting to root causes is a good idea.

If you wrote a list of healthy things that make you feel better, and another list of things that you currently do that make you feel worse, what can you sensibly do to make your life a little less tough?

Perhaps not keeping things to yourself and seeing masking all the time as success would help? Do you have a trustworthy friend and/or a partner ?

See your GP again. Citalopram has really helped with my anxiety.

I was similar, although perhaps not quite to the level you describe - maybe at 75%? I also suspect undiagnosed ADHD and am also going through menopause. A low level dose of Prozac has significantly helped quieten the anxiety and the negative chatter. It’s still there and can rear its head every now and then, but it’s not overwhelming now and I am much better and recognising when it’s happening and then I can use CBT learning from previous therapy to rationalise it away.

I would try reading books on the topic to see if anything helps. These two have really helped me:

Needing to know for sure by Martin Seif and Sally Winston

Freedom from Health Anxiety by Karen Lynn Cassiday

Best wishes OP. I have experienced debilitating periods of anxiety when I wasn’t sure if the terrible feeling would ever leave me but it has. You can feel better. I hope you find what works for you.

Ah you have my sympathies. I am very much the same.

My therapist says she thinks I have Health Anxiety OCD. The first thought of something being wrong with me or anyone I love, I can spend HOURS googling. I will Google the symptom along with the word cancer over and over again. Read cancer forums. Convince myself I have it and I'm dying. It's exhausting.

I have always had health anxiety but have definitely been worse since I've had my kids as suddenly my life is so much more valuable in my eyes. I worry the effect my death would have on my kids. When I was a child I was terrified of losing my parents and would cry myself to sleep every night, so I'm sure the two are linked.

My therapist is convinced mine started when I was poorly as a child. I was hospitalised with a stomach parasite and overheard my mum saying she thought I was going to die.

Who knows what caused it but a few things helped me -

1. Avoiding social media. I am so much better when I take a break of socials and the Daily Mail. I surround myself with sad stories about young people getting cancer and my therapist says that makes the risk feel a lot higher than it really is
2. I had 20 sessions of CBT. I'm not sure if that really helped if I'm being honest, maybe it did. You can get CBT apps that might help while you're waiting.
3. Talking to my best friend. She's really good at talking me down.

Good luck OP xx

Thank you so much for the replies and for the hope.

I was on citalopram about 6 years ago but really struggled with some of the side effects - mainly the jaw grinding. It did help mentally though - perhaps that's something I need to consider again in the absence of therapy.

I have always had a level of health anxiety - I am not really sure what triggered it from a young age. My Mum was very impacted by the death of her parents and perhaps I internalised that. But when gave birth to my first she was born very poorly, it was a very traumatic experience and she nearly died - I think going through that made me feel like anything is possible. I am not really able to assess risk in a reasonable way since that happened. Also, because we were so lucky with the outcome in the end I suppose part of me feels that I'm owed something bad.

I have a lovely husband and family, I am very lucky but I guess there is only so much they can do and help with. I used to be quite hopeful and good at trying to help myself but I suppose I have less time and energy these days. I really appreciate these tips and kind words.

But when gave birth to my first she was born very poorly, it was a very traumatic experience and she nearly died - I think going through that made me feel like anything is possible. I am not really able to assess risk in a reasonable way since that happened. Also, because we were so lucky with the outcome in the end I suppose part of me feels that I'm owed something bad. This makes how you feel so understandable.

Understandable doesn't mean it is inevitable or it has to stay that way, but please be kind to yourself and recognise that you had a pre-existing health anxiety learnt from childhood and then a massive shock.

It can get better, many people do make huge improvements over time

@LightSwerve thank you for your reply and reassurance, made me emotional x

When I suffered from a particularly bad anxious episode I actually had a word with myself. I said to the anxious part that was spiraling away: I know you're trying to be helpful and protect me and my family but this isn't helpful at all, it's making things worse and I'd like you to stop.' This did help me. Mindfulness meditation has generally helped me distance myself from my anxious thoughts (because I am not my thoughts). I recently learned a mindfulness practice which might help. Sit and take two or three deep breaths then think 'I wonder what my next thought will be?' Keep repeating. I've found this a really good way of observing my thoughts and slowing them down. Hope you find something that works for you.

My Mum was very impacted by the death of her parents and perhaps I internalised that.

That, along with the trauma surrounding the birth of your first child, is most probably the origin. When you witnessed your mum being badly affected by her parents deaths it would have set up a fear of illness/death response in your own subconscious. Quite naturally this would have been ramped up by your own lived experience - your subconscious was 'proved right' in it's beliefs that you need to be on alert at all times.

It IS possible to deal with this. That part of your mind that believes it's protecting you needs to be told to stand down because it's not making you happy or serving any useful purpose.

@Lovelyview - spot on 😊

You might also like to try Paul McKenna's book Freedom from Anxiety. It has exercises to reduce anxiety plus hypnotherapy you can access online.

Thank you @Lovelyview I will try that, I have responded well to hypnotherapy before!

@Eyesopenwideawake really appreciate your reply - it's good to know that I can get to the bottom of it and that there is hope.

Same! Massively helpful. I have to take it at night though otherwise I'm too sleepy during the day

@BeachedOff hi, I saw your post when looking for advice for anxiety and I just wanted to reach out as it feels like I could have written it myself. Just wanted to extend a big virtual hug to you and say I know exactly how it feels. Down to adhd/ autism assessment. And to the relentlessness of it all and the helplessness that comes with it.

I find that somatic yoga helps somewhat and looking to try ACT therapy.

Hi @Wobblyheart, thanks so much for your message. I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling too, a big virtual hug to you too.

Oh brilliant, I will look into those things - thank you, I am glad you have found something that helps you. I am currently on a waiting list for ADHD medication and I'm hoping that might take the edge of things. For the last 6 months I have been dealing with an ongoing medical issue - which has really peaked my health anxiety. I am on a consultant waiting list but it has been very worrying to learn how hard it is to get any answers and how long it all takes.