No where to turn.

[totallylost1]

I'm don't want to bore people with the whole story from A-Z so I'll shorten it considerably for all your sakes.

Basically I am fucked up. Over 32 years I have had ALL therapies, taken all the pills, done all the work but I am still so unwell. I am teetering on the edge of 'pulling the plug' on this. I have lived in hell for too long and I feel it's unfair that I am constantly living in perpetual misery, panic, anxiety, depression, ptsd, BPD and many other illnesses on top of those few. I don't get break. It's been relentless for 3 decades.

I've called the crisis team so many times, they put me in touch with the access and assessment team and we start the cycle of "oh, sorry, I see on your records that you've been discharged as you're too complex."

What am I meant to do with that? Am I actually supposed to attempt for them to help me? Yes, my situation is complex. It's ruined so many lives, mine, my families, relationships, I have been a burden for years and I've had enough of it. No one wants to help me anymore.

I don't have the money to go private, I can barely afford to eat. I don't have any pleasures in life, I don't do anything, I've nothing to look forward to, I feel like I am torturing myself by being around.

Don't know what to do.

In sorry I have no advice but just offering a hand hold

I don't have any advice, just wanted to comment as I'm in a similar situation and know how difficult it has been for me. You're not alone x

I was told I'm too complex as well OP. The mental health team just stopped calling me on my appointment dates (I had call appointments due to agoraphobia) they gave up on me.
I'm so sorry you feel so lost with it all, but you're not alone.

You are definitely not alone OP but things can get better.
I’m hesitant to suggest anything as I feel (and understand) the depth of your despair.
I’ve been struggling with my MH for 40 years so I do understand but it can get better and you just need to find what clicks with you.
You say you have tried everything, could you give a bit more detail on this so we might be able to suggest some other things to try?
Don’t give up xx

I never post on mumsnet despite being a regular visitor. I was compelled to post as I feel your frustration. My idea is that it is an election year. Contact your local MP and wannabe MPs and demand they help you. Tell them the struggles you have had. It might work. They are supposed to work for you. I really hope you get the help you deserve.

Hi Op,

I hear your struggle and pain and I’m sorry you’ve gone through that. It sounds immensely tough to keep reaching out for help and not receiving what you need.

Is there anything which you don’t feel like you’ve given a full go? E.g I gave up on sertraline the first time as I didn’t like the nauseous feeling but when I tried it years later and got past the initial side effects it really helped me (where other medications hadn’t helped at all). It might be worth going through with your GP.

Is there anything which helps at all? I think mixing up your routine a little can be a nice thing to try. A few suggestions; going to a library to choose a book, going out for a walk and listening to a podcast, online yoga etc. Not sure if you are working at the moment but you could look to volunteer in a charity shop or something similar could be great.

I know it’s immensely hard. You just have to keep trying to walk in the right direction (through the storm) until things get a little bit better. The support on here shows there are people that care 🌸

Mental health services are supportive but not a cure-all. Recovery requires personal effort and a commitment to incorporating new skills learned in therapy into daily life, akin to learning a new language. It's not a quick fix; it's a long-term commitment.

I've experienced my own struggles with mental health, but I've learned that ultimately, I am the one who can truly help myself. I've had to make changes to the way I live to enable me to live a happier, more fulfilling life, though I still face challenges at times, which I've come to accept as part of who I am.

It sounds like you have received a lot of help already, what additional help do you think you need to help you through this?

This sounds quite judgemental. Everyone is different so just because you have managed to make the changes yourself doesn’t mean that the OP is in the same position.

No need to be so aggressive. I was responding to the OP, not you. Just because you find my post judgemental doesn't mean the OP will.

But if it makes you happy, before I post, I will run it over with you first to make sure it doesn't offend you.

@Differentfromtherest can I ask about what changes you say you’ve made. Interested to hear for myself, but also might help op

How is it aggressive?

I'm so sorry you've been told your too complex OP. I'm sure I am heading that way also 🥹

We should never be deemed that to get the help we need. They should do their jobs to help us! No matter how long it takes etc. Have you thought about trying private? If the NHS isn't doing anything?

I have anxiety depression ocd and adhd. Now apparently EUPD and clinical depression. Everything is just a question mark and guessing hame. I feel like a guinea pig with all the pills, talking etc.

I didn't want to read and run but I wanted you to know your not alone. I'm here to handhold with you 💚

I agree this sounds a bit judgement.

When you are in such a bad place you can't just do decider skills etc. We need a crutch in order to help us learn and apply therapy techniques etc.

I've always said, mental health is like someone who's diabetic, they have to take insulin to help their blood sugars but then have to adapt their lifestyle. Why is mental health any different?

My brain does not have the capacity to sit and learn CBT because I cannot control my emotions or process anything while in this state. It's great that things have worked for you but not everyone is the same. Keep it friendly and supportive 💚

I've done all the exposure work that I was taught to do, but I find and I don't know if anyone else can relate but on a bad day in a moment of sheer panic, all logic goes out of the window and that can put me back, weeks, months or even years. Problem is, with my panic issue, I pass out, I am aware that isn't normal, however for me it is, and I am okay with passing out because it resets the nervous system, it's when I don't pass out and i can't tolerate it, that it when it's a problem. I've been picked off the floor more times in Sainsbury's and tescos than I care to remember. I've hit a 'roadblock' so to speak. It all went downhill in 2021. My son tried to kill himself, my 4 year relationship ended and my mental health deteriorated to the point where I am afraid of everything. I literally can't do anything. I have severe agoraphobia, monophobia, obvious panic disorder, generalised anxiety disorder, I've had to move in with my mum because my attacks got so bad I couldn't manage on my own. I tried and tried for months to sit with it, breath through it, but in the end, the PTSD from my sons suicide attempt fucked me up completely, I know now successfully past that but it's left me broken and because I am so messed up, that's when the depression and suicidal thoughts happen.

I am a really messy individual.