Starting counselling this week.

[Redtulip2]

After 9 years on antidepressants and sleeping tablets, I'm starting counselling this week. I don't want to be on medication my whole life, so I know I need to address the underlying issues.

I'm glad I've taken the step, I'm very much an introvert and not much of a talker.

For those of you who have had counselling, did it make you feel worse before better? Did it help at all?

I'm working full time and have 3 kids, I'm concerned that if I feel worse initially, I may need to take time off work, which I don't want to do. I'm only just managing my very stressful job as it is. Half of me wants to put the counselling off, but realistically, I'm not going to get better without it.

[Boxingwhelp]

What type of counselling are you having OP? IMO, delving into past traumas is more likely to make you feel worse initially whereas CBT/DBT are more to do with changing your thoughts/behaviour (probably a really poor explanation there though!)

[Redtulip2]

Hi. Thanks for responding. Is talking therapy.

[Boxingwhelp]

@Redtulip2

Hi. Thanks for responding. Is talking therapy.

Not sure what that means. Sorry, I can’t help but I’m sure some others on this board can.

[Mayflower282]

Just go at your own pace, don’t rush yourself to “get better as quick as possible” etc. Take each session as it comes, and think about what topics you would like to discuss each week, so you are prepared with what you do/don’t want to talk about.

[dizzydizzydizzy]

Yeah. Talking therapy has helped me. I
Have long term anxiety issues (I'm autistic) and have had a lot of additional serious stress lately. It has been useful to help me work out how to solve problems.

You need to gel with your counsellor. I've had three. They've all been good but the second one was amazing.

[Timeforabiscuit]

Do you know what kind of therapist you're having the sessions with? Is this through the NHS at a GP or based at a hospital?

[Redtulip2]

Thank you all for your replies. The sessions are private, with a Counsellor, sorry I'm not very clear about what type of appointment it is, I'm not actually sure, but she's very experienced and well qualified.

I really need this to help. I've had a rough time with depression recently. It reared its ugly head again in December.

[recyclemeagain]

Therapist here, well done for taking the step of booking in for counselling. I hope it goes well for you. Take it at a pace that works for you and give yourself props for working on your mental health.

[Redtulip2]

Thank you. It feels like a huge step. I'm really nervous, but I have to do something.

[Whycantgiraffesdance]

I find counselling hugely beneficial, it’s good to be able to talk freely to someone without any fear of judgement. It can vary hugely though depending on what you choose to discuss and some weeks I’ll come away in tears where we have delved into past traumas but others I’ll feel lighter and much happier after a session. Good luck @Redtulip2 I hope it helps you too x

[Balloonhearts]

It does make you quite emotional and fragile to start with. Think of it as cleaning a wound packed with dirt. You have to flush it out and debride it and it will bleeding like crazy but then it starts to heal.

[Redtulip2]

Blimey, it's hard going. I've quit a million times. All of those, minus one, were in my head.

Two sessions in and I feel like shite. I'm ruminating like you wouldn't believe, my head's actually pounding.

I've been honest and open, said things that I've never said aloud before, even to myself.

It's a lot. I'm torn between pushing through and burying my head in the sand and just accepting depressed is my personality.

I feel like I could implode 🔥

[singingthypraises]

Hey @Redtulip2 Keep going. You are over the hardest part- you've started and you've attended. It is worth it I promise. You are worth the effort, keep going and see how far you go

[Boxingwhelp]

@singingthypraises

Hey @Redtulip2 Keep going. You are over the hardest part- you've started and you've attended. It is worth it I promise. You are worth the effort, keep going and see how far you go

Well said

[Balloonhearts]

It's hard. It's so fucking hard. I can't even count the times I've wanted to quit. The M11/North Circular have seen their fair share of meltdowns, put it that way. There have been times I've sobbed the entire hour drive home. But when you come out the other side its worth it. If you give up then you've put yourself through this for nothing.

[Redtulip2]

Thank you all, great advice. I'm trying to push through it.

[Redtulip2]

You lot have given me some good advice on this thread. Thank you.

I'm having dark thoughts, I can't shake them off. I think counselling and thinking about things is leading me to ruminate a lot.

I've self harmed a few times, too.

I don't have any real intent, I don't think, just thoughts, but they're really exhausting me and making sleeping so hard.

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to manage all this, keep a family going, and work full time. It's a lot.

I just wanted to get it out and write it down. Sorry for the miserable post.

[singingthypraises]

I'm glad you wrote it down. It's not easy to voice these things and the thoughts can really cloud our heads when we're feeling low and overwhelmed with so many responsibilities like you describe. It is important you tell your counsellor that this is how you're feeling, this will mean they can make sure you're being heard and supported in the best way. Please know that feelings like this are more common than you might think, and they don't have to be forever feelings. I know you say you don't have a solid plan in place, and that is important, but recognising these thoughts are on your mind is significant. You're doing well to notice and to share, when is your next counselling session booked for?
If you need immediate support please reach out to one of the following places:

Samaritans (24/7 every day of the year): call 116 123 or text SHOUT to 85258

NHS: 111

Papyrus-If under 35: 0800 068 4141
(9am to midnight, 365 days a year)

The Silver Lining, if older: 0800 470 80 90
(also 24/7 every day of the year)

Hope some of this is useful to you and know that you do not have to do this alone.

[Balloonhearts]

It really is a lot. Writing a diary helps. Nothing particularly structured, I don't even date mine but when you feel overwhelmed, it helps to write it down.

[Redtulip2]

Thank you both for taking the time to reply and for signposting support.

My next session is on Wednesday. I'm not much of a talker, and I am finding them difficult. Plus, some of the things we've spoken about I've never said out loud before.

My thoughts are scaring me today, but I'm trying to remind myself that they are just that, thoughts.

I have two choices at the moment. Cancel the sessions and keep burying the hard stuff, but accept I'll probably never get off antidepressants or sleeping tablets.

Or, keep going, which feels like the harder option right now.

[Balloonhearts]

Snap. My sessions are on Wednesdays too.

Once you get it out there and have it met with nothing but compassion it becomes much much easier. I used to write stuff out for my therapist in the early days when it was difficult to talk. It was a lot easier than spending 10 minutes trying to word a single sentence. I'm much more articulate in writing.

Also don't be afraid to have a lighter session sometimes. It doesn't have to be all the hard upsetting stuff every week.

Sometimes I just have a rant about the dickheads at work or how totally unreasonable my neighbour is or I ask him something random and end up having a discussion about space and the universe and whether aliens exist.

Those lighter sessions helped me get to know him and learn to connect with him a bit which in turn makes it easier to disclose the hard stuff. The relationship is just as therapeutic as the actual sessions.

Take a week off, bond with her a bit. You've lived with it all this long, it'll still be there next week.

[Redtulip2]

Thanks @ballonhearts I'll definitely try that. Hope your appointment goes well.

[coffeeisthebest]

I hope you can recognise that you deserve so much more than 'just accepting depressed is my personality'. Just keep going, tell your counsellor about your increased rumination and self-harm, try and say as much as you can but don't pressure yourself to push more than you are ready for. You are doing brilliantly just showing up.

[Redtulip2]

Thanks @coffeeisthebest I think I needed to hear that.

Love your user name, too.

[coffeeisthebest]

It's a funny process counselling, it is hard to describe what is going on but it is so important just to show up. Take all those negative reactions as signs something is going on for you and try and work with what is coming up with your therapist. It sounds counter-intuitive as we tend to want to run away from pain but try and stay with it if you can.