Narcissist mother

[Pinkrose444]

It finally made sense to me that my mother was a narcissist about 8 years ago after an incident that happened. Since then I feel I have changed as a person , I get angry easily and don’t take care of myself, I am overweight , depressed and emotionally eat and procrastinate a lot. Before realising she was a narc , I was happy and looked after myself , I ate well and exercised. I live 4 hrs away from her and used to visit a few times a year for a few days at a time. Since the past year Iv gone low contact, sending the odd message and visited her once for a couple of days. I did recently go through a grieving period of realising I’m not going to have a relationship with my mother as I would like. I did try therapy for a bit but felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere with it. I suppose I just want to know , did your life change when you finally clicked your mother was a narc?

[TheAquaFawn]

I'm so sorry, it sounds like the past 8 years you've been grieving, as you say, and that the sadness and anger are symptoms of this. Last year I came to the realisation my mum is a narcissist. I've been no contact for a few weeks, after a few months of low contact / 'grey rock' - which didn't work, as she just bombarded me even more.

Although it's been extremely stressful and I've gone through feelings of confusion and guilt, I've felt so much better not being in contact. For me, it had become every day drama, constant lies and manipulation, and direct nastiness towards me, and I just couldn't do it anymore. I've needed this time to properly stand back from the situation and also come to the realisation of how long this has been going on (my whole life!).

One of the things that's helped me when I've started to feel guilty about the situation (which might account for some of how you're feeling, I'm not sure) is to write down all the things that happened, and how it made me feel. This is because whenever that feeling of guilt creeps in or I question my decision to distance myself from her, I read it back and it reminds me of what actually happened and I feel more justified, I am also able to have a lot of sympathy for myself.

Is there someone else - a friend or family member, who sees your mum for who she is? Talking to them helped me a lot to feel seen. Following social media accounts about recovering from a narcissist parent has also helped hugely as a constant reminder you're not alone and that you're right to feel the way you do. It might be that you need to go no contact rather than low contact, even if its just temporary, and use the time to build your self confidence and the types of relationships you deserve.

[Ilovedogs1]

This post has caught my attention. Sometimes I think my mum is a narcissist or emotionally abusive and sometimes I think I'm being over the top. I mean how do you know? I find spending time with my mum hard going and stressful. My DH doesn't think she's a nice person at all.
I know I feel a lot of conflicting feelings where my mums concerned but at the end of the day she's my mum.🤷‍♀️

[whatsbestforme]

Can you elaborate for us?

[Ilovedogs1]

What would you like to know?

[whatsbestforme]

Describe your mum maybe?
Only if you wanted to obviously