Why don't I have friends?

[Lokikitty]

I have spent the last two weekends crying as I feel so lonely. Work has been so hectic, it would be lovely to have something to look forward to at the weekend. I have got so lonely during lockdown that I ended up confiding in a few people at work. They didn't understand how I feel.
I have a teenager but we don't get to spend a lot of time together.
I am doing CBT for loneliness as I get very low when I'm alone. But I'm a few weeks into the CBT and finding it frustrating as I don't have the answers to the questions that are am being asked. Both in sessions and for homework.

[ThatIsNotMyUsername]

@Ninbuscl

I went through a phase last year of stressing about why I haven’t any friends. Then during lockdown I realised how much I enjoyed not having to go through all the interactions involved in friendships. All my friendships are really just aquaintances and not people who will ever check in on me. I am now quite liking extending this now and just enjoying time myself. I seek mumsnet if I need a chat or to answer a question others probably ask friends. I think socially i am pretty terrible and the stress of friendships is just not worth it for me

That’s me! I’m not very good with people- but always the first anyone comes to when there’s a problem to something that needs done. People seem to think I’m a serene being, calm and laid back, kind and understanding... I have been likened to a cat (maybe they meant fat, lazy and eats bugs 😉)

[Lokikitty]

I just wanted to thank everyone for their replies. It's nice to know that people care.
I got the impression that my counsellor thinks I'm not in the right place for CBT. I was tempted to agree but my DD begged me to do it as I get anxious whenever she's not at home. And i was on the waiting list for 6 months.
Anyway, feeling a bit better today even though I didn't get a lot of sleep. I'm reading the Last Child by John Hart and really getting into it 🙂

[Ninbuscl]

I went through a phase last year of stressing about why I haven’t any friends. Then during lockdown I realised how much I enjoyed not having to go through all the interactions involved in friendships. All my friendships are really just aquaintances and not people who will ever check in on me. I am now quite liking extending this now and just enjoying time myself. I seek mumsnet if I need a chat or to answer a question others probably ask friends. I think socially i am pretty terrible and the stress of friendships is just not worth it for me

[FippertyGibbett]

I agree. If the sessions are stressing you out, tell the person running them.

[SparklingLime]

Well, it could be worth being totally open with him about how you’re feeling about the sessions. Even if you have to write it down beforehand and give it to him, to avoid any chance of blanking halfway through.

[NeedToKnow101]

@Lokikitty

I've arranged to meet someone for a walk next weekend. So will have something to look forward to next week 🙂

Ah that's nice! It makes so much difference having one thing planned ..

[Lokikitty]

I've arranged to meet someone for a walk next weekend. So will have something to look forward to next week 🙂

[Lokikitty]

SparklingLime - it's NHS, I'm in a low paid job, so can't afford to go private.

[FippertyGibbett]

If you get on Facebook you can find local groups. They do walks, litter picking , all sorts.
I use it to watch what’s happening with my favourite bands and TV programmes.
Church is another place if you’re religious at all.

[SparklingLime]

I go blank in therapy like that too. And have also experienced the therapist getting frustrated, but if they are good they should be able to help you through, not show their own frustration. Is it NHS?

[Lokikitty]

SparkingLime - I will discuss it with my practitioner at the next session. My mind just goes blank when I am asked a question! I could tell that he was getting frustrated as I couldn't analyse my thoughts. I react physically to my anxiety, so exhaustion, palpitations and IBS. Don't really remember what I'm thinking when anxious.

[IloveZoflora]

Join the next door app and put a request on there to meet like minded people.... you will be surprised at how many people are in the same boat. Honestly work ago I know you can't go out at the moment depending where you are with restrictions but honestly it's a great way to meet friends

[SparklingLime]

I really feel for you, @Lokikitty. I’m in a similar situation.
When you say you don’t have all the answers to your CBT - have you discussed that and the frustration you feel about it with your practitioner?
There’s a thread running about similar situations. You might find it reassuring to read - not that there are any easy answers, but that many people are feeling like you, especially now.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4054492-Had-enough-of-making-all-the-effort-and-am-going-to-become-a-hermit

[thisisnotus]

I feel for you

Use lockdown time for self-care, keep working on the CBT. Keep going out for walks (it can even be enjoyable and uplifting in the rain, it's what I'm doing today).

I would give a walking group another try. Some of them might still be running but if not, join after lockdown. Look up Glamoraks.

Making friends takes a long time, and effort. It probably won't happen after just a few once-a-week walks so stick at it.

[ThatIsNotMyUsername]

Travel > local talk?

[ThatIsNotMyUsername]

Grrrr I saw it today! I’ve lost it!

[Lokikitty]

ThatsNotMyName - just had a look. It's not under More, Meetup. Maybe it's been removed because of lockdown?

[LadyWithLapdog]

www.meetup.com/lp/how-to-group-start?utm_medium=SEM&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=adwords_orgacq_group_uk_branded_select_branded_lp_grp_v2&utm_term=group&utm_content=lp_grp_v2&gclid=Cj0KCQiAnb79BRDgARIsAOVbhRpcy0DAeMvX3JvpQLiNMIJpiRSwX9MfWa4lqrT07a0IH3gI89wQJeUaAjE8EALw_wcB

[LadyWithLapdog]

Meet-Up is an app. I suspect a lot of them have moved virtually now, unless it’s an outdoors activity.

[Lokikitty]

Are walking groups running during lockdown? Even in normal times it's tricky to find a walking groups near me that meet up at a suitable time. I will join one if I can.

[ThatIsNotMyUsername]

I guess they can be virtual these days.

[ThatIsNotMyUsername]

Is it under More? Meet Up?

[Lokikitty]

LadyWithLapdog - I did the zoom thing at the start of lockdown but everyone is either too bored or busy for it now. I even asked people in my work WhatsApp if anyone was interested in doing a video call. No one was interested. I've tried hard to reach out.
Will meet up groups be running during lockdown?

[NeedToKnow101]

I think a walking group is a really good idea as it's both time in nature (usually) and sociable without being pressured.

[Lokikitty]

ThatIsNotMyUsername- no, I didn't know there was one. How do I find it?