Need some support and advice on how to deal with friend currently hospitalized with mental issues

[Evelight]

This is long.

I have a friend, for about 2-3 yrs now. She is a highly accomplished professional, and we both come from the same hometown. When I first got to know her, we were in the same workplace, and she had just recovered from some sort of nervous breakdown, she said as a result of workplace bullying, which had resulted in a period of hospitalization.

We have a pleasant enough friendship, though I would not consider it particularly deep or significant to myself, and often I would part with her thinking ugh I will not hang out with her again. She generally seems more negative than I am, personality-wise, always talking about some feud in her workplace or with her family members (none of whom are here). I also found some of her views on eg refugees or housewives quite disturbing. However I am literally her only friend here, she is nice to my children, occasionally babysitting for me, and also when she is not raging about people, very educated and I often learned something new from talking to her. So I would give her a "pass", and we would hang out every couple of weeks or so, getting a drink or inviting her for dinner etc. Just trying to set out the context of our friendship here.

Fast forward two weeks ago when I received a phone call from someone from the local hospital (small town here), saying she had been hospitalized again in the mental issues ward (that is not its proper name), I am listed as her only emergency contact, could I go visit her, get her clothes etc.

Of course I am very upset and regardless of how I feel about her, I consider it my human duty to visit her, buy her food and snack items, on two occasions where she gave me the key to her place, I went and got her clothes, electronic devices etc. At this point, she is well enough that they let her go out by herself to her own place and get her clothes etc.

I don't much about what is going on with her due to medical confidentiality.

The fact is, at this point, I have visited her a few times, and I am finding visiting her really draining and upsetting. She used to rant before, now it is extremely paranoid and disturbing, of the order of "you need to go with your children to a witness protection program, they are after you" "they forcibly inject me with drugs and confined me in solitary" (is this a thing which still happens?). The second time I was there she told me we were leaving, they had no right to keep her, we went to the entrance -where the security didn't let her leave- she made a scene. I visited her last night, and she was cursing "them", spitting in the air, calling "them" her dogs. It was truly disturbing and I have no idea how to handle it. I left after 20 minutes.

Anyway, I realise I am sounding very selfish, this isn't about me, but that's why I'm posting anonymously here. I feel visiting her is affecting me, but I would feel horribly guilty if I just stopped going. I have no idea how long she will be staying there, not to mention I would feel very anxious if they just released her! I'm also afraid she might "turn" on me and include us- my family, children, in her list of enemies- last night she described how she went to buy a birthday present for my son and got into a fight with -the salesman? Something about how she realised "they" were after her in the toy shop.

I'm sure she is having adequate care and medical treatment- (is she really though?) but on this forum, i want to ask: how do I deal with this situation?

FWIW- i have not told any of my other friends nor intend to about what is going on with her.

[EvaBING]

Yes - the psychiatrists are there to listen and prescribe accordingly. Just as with a cancer patient, you wouldn't attempt to advise them on appropriate treatment, but just support them with advocacy or the practicalities, try to just do the same for her. It's such an awful shame.

You are brilliant to be helping out. Not many would. You are just brilliant.

[EvaBING]

Well she obviously has lucid moments then (and is hopefully getting better!) if she knows about the pepsi dispenser.
Aw, it's just such a sad sad thing.

Mind yourself. And any little tiny thing you do, is so charitable.

[Doyouthinktheysaurus]

You sound very thoughtful and caring Evelight

Your friend is lucky to have you

[Evelight]

Thanks for calling me brilliant! Honestly I think what I have been doing is what the bare minimum of human courtesy and kindness requires of us- that is why I was thinking about how different my reaction would be if it was eg my mom or someone I cared about deeply- and I was feeling guilty for not doing more.

About her lucid moments: definitely she has them- last time I was there she said she had a two-hour pass which she used to go home and get her own clothes. And that is what I noticed: she used different voices, if that makes any sense, at the beginning and end of my visit, she spoke in a perfectly normal, pleasant, modulated voice, "Oh thanks for coming, how are the kids, no I don't need anything I am getting better thank you", but then I made the mistake of complimenting her on how good she was looking, and then her voice changed (I am not making this up), she spoke in a very harsher, deeper voice :"That is because I am a queen, I am the boss, I have dealt with those dogs..." and then going on and on as I described. When i said I have to leave, she switched voices again, and did the social tone "thanks for coming, give my regards to your family".

I guess I am oversharing now but just wanted to respond to the "lucid moments" comment and also convey a sense of how terrifying or distressing might be a better word, it was as a visitor.

[EvaBING]

Sorry I have not responded - but I only just saw your post now.

I know it must be immensely distressing for you. When I was a patient, I found other patients terrifying!

Mind yourself first, and if you feel strong enough to help her, do. But if you're not able to cope, don't.

[Becca19962014]

You are doing brilliant.

Two things, one, sending thinking of you cards I always appreciated when I couldn't have visitors (hospitalised far away so no one could visit), especially bright ones for the room, get well soon not so much if you are in a state whereby you don't know you are unwell.

Secondly, Ive been told I do the same thing with different voices, and it really upsets people BUT, and I don't know if this is the same for your friend, I know nothing of what these other voices say, for me those times are 'blank'. I don't know if that helps you understand, or even if its the same for her but for me, those blanks are terrifying.

I hope that makes sense.