Talk to me about SSRI medication, please

[Cairngorms]

I've had phases of depression for many years, but not ever taken medication. Over the past year, I've had major anxiety too associated with some very major life changes we are dealing with.

In the summer, I so desperate that I was prescribed an SSRI which I took. The side effects when I started were horrible, really horrible, my husband disapproved in general, and longer term it reduced my desire to have sex, which caused issues with my husband. I am not brilliant about remembering to take it, and during the autumn something came up where DH disagreed with me doing something because I was on medication, so I stopped taking it altogether.

I am now really unstable again - anxious, depressed, unhappy. I would like to try taking the SSRI again, BUT

• I am worried about the short-term side effects;
  
• I am worried about reduced libido again;
  
• I am worried about facing the GP who told me NOT to stop taking it.
  

How do I face the GP, face the DH's disapproval, find an SSRI with reduced starting side effects and also without the reduced libido effect?

Please help! I am finding this overwhelmingly hard.

[Cairngorms]

Argh!
I hate regrets. Rumination and pain is eating me up. I don't know how to get away from it. So very sad.

[TheSilveryPussycat]

Glad to hear your head feels better Cairngorms. I would say tackle only one thing at a time - we are so desperate to be free in one bound but it doesn't work like that.

Sounds like your days away did you good :)

[Cairngorms]

Just calling back in to say I'm still around occasionally, feeling a lot better in my head but still overwhelmed / swamped by life circumstances. Not sure how to make the life-situation better.

Thank you all for the support and hand-holding.

[Queenofknickers]

Glad you still taking the meds - it is the right thing to do and very soon you will be feeling better. Hope you're having a nice break - don't forget to be taking care of yourself though. Big hugs

[Cairngorms]

Hi - I'm doing OK-ish ... very, very tired. We've gone away for a few days holiday, and it's nice to be away. Though no time to write much.
I'm sticking with the meds, though I do feel very ambiguous about them.

[Queenofknickers]

Hello just popping in to ask how you're doing and to offer to be bossy about meds if you need me to!
Big hugs x

[NanaNina]

Last minute post here cairns (sounds moe friendly thanCG) so glad that you are feeling more optimistic. It's awful when you feel crap in the morning and the day is looming over you isn't it. Mornings are always worse for me and on bad days I quite often improve as the day goes by. Glad you're eating too.
A cautious Happy Easter to you and just think this time next year you will be looking back and thinking how you are back to your old self ............well you will be better before then but you know what I mean.
BUT before I go - yet another reminder - Take Meds every day!!!

[Cairngorms]

Thank you so much for asking.
I did the stuff I needed to, and more. It took a very long time to get going this morning, and I asked a family member to come and help with the chores, but I've got everything done and am feeling more optimistic.
Haven't showered yet, but I'm pretty sure I'll be able to.
And I've eaten OK (all after midday, but plenty).
Hugs to you too. How are you doing?

[Queenofknickers]

Hello Cairngorms how are you doing this afternoon? I struggle with eating too so I sympathise. Sometimes a banana can make me feel bit better. You are doing SO well and every day is a step closer to feeling better.
Sending you big hugs

[Cairngorms]

Friday morning: another problem with one of the children came up last night, which adds to the list of concerns and regrets. TheSilveryPussycat I'm not sure I could possibly face porridge - the mornings are my most tricky time for eating.

I am pleased that I'm sticking with the meds, and hope they help me feel better soon. I am exhausted and very anxious. So exhausted that I find it very hard to do anything. I had a busy day yesterday plus the added worries, and I think that's making it hard for me to be active today, but there's stuff I need to do. The instructions to be gentle with myself are really helpful. I hope I can find help from family today, or I will really struggle.

NN hope you have a lovely trip to Ireland visiting your family.
Thank you all on this thread for your support. I really, really do appreciate it.

[TheSilveryPussycat]

...and I have just got back from Ireland :) I notice you make your DC porridge - do you eat some yourself ?

[NanaNina]

Oooh glad I can be bossy!! I have remembered that I used to hate the feeling of not being hungry and had forgotten all about that. I think you are absolutely on the right track, little and often, and tempting little snacks of healthy food. Sounds a good plan.

So gad your friend was understanding.

I am going to Ireland to see my son, dil and grandchildren for Easter so will not be around for a week but will be thinking of you. Love NNx

[Cairngorms]

I appreciate the bossy; makes me feel worthwhile and cared for.
Taken the meds - I WILL stick with them. I was obviously depressed to my friend - I can't even pretend anymore - she was great.
I worry about the not-eating. Usually when I'm depressed, I overeat (in common with a lot of people, I guess). Last time I was significantly depressed, I had several weeks eating pretty much nothing. Maybe half a biscuit or one mushroom in a day. It worries me when I can't face food. I am working hard to make sure I eat a reasonable amount of healthy food, and I'm pretty sure I'm doing so, but I cannot eat at breakfast time, and I am making sure I have food around that I find very tempting. My friend was concerned about how little lunch I ate, but I did eat some.
I still need to wash up, then collect the children from school.

[NanaNina]

off not of

[NanaNina]

Sorry to be so bossy, but to stop taking the meds now would be like wondering if you should try and break a few bits of the plaster cast around your leg when you fractured it in a fall.

[NanaNina]

YES YES and YES again CG you do have to keep taking the meds and as QofK says it is more likely to the depression that is making you so tired, and the fact that you have 3 children all of primary school age and a host of other things you are trying to do whilst having a very nasty illness.

Sounds like you've organised your day pretty well. I notice you mention quite a lot that you have gone off eating. I don't really think this is anything to worry about, as this is another symptom of depression and in severe cases some people stop drinking as well, which of course is a huge worry. Maybe it's more you just can't be bothered to get anything and need someone to prepare food for you. When my first severe depression was building up I could only eat 1 banana a day and 1 slice of toast.

Hmm not sure how honest you can be with a friend (but she's probably with you now) but I think if you feel you can trust your friend it would be ok to tell her how you are feeling. I think the other person's response inthe first few minutes of such a conversation are important. I am lucky enough to have 3 close women friends who all know my whole back story and have seen me in awful states. With others who I am friendly with they ask how I am and I ususally just say "oh up and down" but sometimes I say something abouthaving had a crap time and they say things like "Do you think it was because you had that bad cold" NO! or "Oh you need some sun to brighten you up" NO - mind we all need some sun at the moment. Worst of all is when you drop something out to someone you don't know that well and they say "Oh I was depressed a few weeks ago" and then go on to describe how they felt and it was just they felt fed up.......grrrrrrrr there should be another name for clinical depression.

OK CG am going to respond to your PM now

[Cairngorms]

'Perfect' fecked off a long, long time ago :D
I already ditch everything I possibly can.
I've got the children to school, and persuaded my mother to accompany me to a school event to stop me being quite so panicky / lonely about it.
I've had a little toast and spread - gone right off my food.
I should be doing the washing up.
Then a friend is fixing me lunch: I wonder how honest I can be, she knows I'm seriously down, but I hate to be a moaning whinger and I possibly am at the moment.

[Queenofknickers]

You must, must keep taking them. It is far more likely to be anxiety and depression making you tired and lethargic - they are exhausting illness. Is there anything you can cancel/not do today? Imagine what arrangements you'd make if you'd broken your leg for example. Remember - "perfect"just has to feck off for now

[Cairngorms]

Thursday: I am so very tired and have no energy, and I really don't feel that I can do the things I need to do today. It's my busiest day for a while, and I am overwhelmed with exhaustion.
Is taking the ADs making me feel so tired? I don't think I was this lethargic before. I need to keep taking them, don't I?
Xx

[Cairngorms]

Eaten daal, toast and Nutella and a cup of tea. Emailed my sister. Taken the tablet. Listened to a CD. Need to wash up.
I really hope it'll pass as I am so fed up with feeling so crummy and overwhelmed with exhaustion and useless and sad. Need to listen to people saying to take care of myself and be kind and gentle.
Thank you x

[Cairngorms]

I know the nausea is a side-effect that will pass, and so far it's nothing like as bad as last time (possibly because I am eating a bit better than last time).
I am grateful to feel that I am reporting to people here: I have showered, had a large pot of vegetable daal, and taken today's tablet.
Next: cup of tea and washing up - I make my boys porridge for breakfast every day :).

NN Reading your PM I am totally amazed that you are still standing up, with all the life stresses that you are enduring. A number of people have said similar one the past few months, and that helps me feel less incompetent for the fact that I'm not coping at the moment. I really, really appreciate hearing that sentiment, and extend it to be a compliment on how I do cope, much of the time. Thank you.

QoK that is such a good idea, and I might be able to find money for some private sessions - not sure whether CBT or something more like psychotherapy is the right move at the moment. I'm not near you, but thanks for the offer. "Find a therapist / counsellor" is something I should do, but each little step is overwhelming so it may take a while. I have a hideous back-log of things that really do need to be done, even if I drop every single thing that is non-essential. My last CBT therapist was brilliant, and I've seen a psychologist before that who was very, very insightful and helpful - asked great questions.

Now: :D

[Queenofknickers]

This will pass, I promise. Keep warm, do only what doesn't take energy from you ( like Nana I was once given that advice by a wise psychiatrist), talk kindly to yourself. A good book called The Joy of Burnout talks about "do only what needs doing for today, nothing more"

Regret is such a heavy burden to carry, especially alone. I know you said you had used all your NHS sessions but private sessions might not be impossible. Lots and lots of people who are training in counselling, CBT and psychotherapy are glad to see people for free, low price or whatever you can afford (most people go into the profession to help not get rich and have a sliding scale of charges) Also they only allow people far on in their training to do it, so basically as good as qualified. Is there a college near you - might be worth asking if they have any students looking for placements. If you are anywhere near where I live (Sussex/Kent) PM me as I know a lot of these people.
Love and warmth to you

[NanaNina]

Hello you! You know yourself that the nausea is a side effect of the meds - why not try taking them at bedtime and see if that helps with the nausea, which will be temporary. You don't feel like YOU because you are ill - you have a depressive illness and that's why you are feeling so bad. The shakiness could well be anxiety (which I'm sure you know is the medical name for fear) and you "can't get anything done" because when moderate/severe depression hits us we just want to withdraw from the world and stay under the duvet. There are so many MNs saying the same sorts of things and now you are on the other thread as well, you will see that you are not alone and will get good advice, and support.

I can't remember who said it but a poster on the other thread said "just do 1 thing" and that shows how others are feeling just as you are now. I have rad of mums with kids who get the kids to school and fly back under the duvet or lie on the sofa with a blanket over them. It's what depression does to us - it really is and only people who have experienced it can understand the torment.

Reading your PM I am totally amazed that you are still standing up, with all the life stresses that you are enduring. You have to try amongst all the awfulness of depression to hold on to the fact that you will get better but the best chance you have is to take the MEDS!!

[Cairngorms]

Hi, me again, didn't sleep well last night and feeling nauseous (like morning sickness as someone said, no worse yet- it comes and goes). I've been taking the tablets at lunchtime. Still eaten by regret for a decision and stress at life in general. Still overwhelmed and sad. Cold and shaky, but have kept the heating on today. Finding it hard to get anything done (eating, washing up, shower ... ). What on earth has happened to my get-up-and-go? I don't feel like ME. :(

[NanaNina]

Have responded to your PM CG - what was your old profession?